Has anyone got any words of wisdom I’m really struggling and need a bit of a rant…
I am a TA in a school. My teacher and line manager have been great so far appointments haven’t been a problem as and when I need to I have gone. However, last week I found out that we have a school trip planned for 11th Oct (next Monday) the teachers words when I asked what the date of the trip was, were “don’t tell me you can’t make it otherwise none of us can go as there is no cover”
I am now bricking it as if my scan goes well Friday guess when my egg collection day will be? Ding ding - Monday! My relationship with the year group teachers and other TA isn’t great (they are a bit clicky) so this could all blow up and I’m anxious which isn’t great for my cycle.
Any advice on this would be great - I of course know that first thing tomorrow I need to go tell my line manager about this development but my god it’s all a bit much at the moment.
If you got this far thank you 😊
Kelly
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kelsbels88
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Hello and congratulations on your journey! 💪Do not worry about it. It is a hospital appointment, you will be off, it is not your fault. If it's a school trip they must have a contingency plan - somebody else will go on your place. If you are open with them that's the best you can do.
There is no cover? Seriously, in the post covid education we know that there will be a cover. What if somebody gets unwell? Get symptoms? Gets stuck in the traffic? Of course there is a cover.
Look after yourself please, that's what's important now. Fingers crossed for you x
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply.
I have been open from the beginning about the process.
The relationship I have with my year team is really strained so am not looking forward to this conversation. My line manager will be ok. He is aware and very understanding given he is a he. I found it frustrating to think there would be no cover but at present that is what I have been told. I’m hoping my line manager can help tomorrow.
As for ppl getting I’ll etc we make do or management cover.
I’m trying to be calm and not stressed thank you xx
There will be cover, this so important for you and takes priority with everything you've done to get to egg collection you can't miss it and they will have to understand that. Just focus on you and this process they might be put out for all of an hour then will have to find someone else. They will survive. Good luck with the egg collection! X
It’s funny you say that when on the phone to my clinic I said in all honesty selfishly I dont give two monkeys about the trip but I do care about the children very much and I hate the thought that they will miss out because of little old me. I don’t always think about how long I have waited for this. It’s just a really tricky crappy situation
I really understand you're feeling like you are struggling and it's all too much. I'm also working as a TA/teacher in training and the anxiety about asking for time off was really too much. It was all fine until I had to cover because someone else was off- then it was all my fault 😣 With me it helped to be really clear that it is absolutely impossible to plan these things ahead. Then I would say something like: can you believe of all the days... it's this one (before anyone else could say it). I would express my frustrations and make it clear that it's really something I didn't want to do in the first place. I wouldn't spell this out but if I would have any choice I would go on a school trip instead of injecting myself daily, feeling horrid from all the hormones, have gynecological procedures and most of all have the mental horror of infertility.
They have plenty of time to find a replacement and if they don't go then that is their choice. My partner always reminds me that this is the most important thing in my life. And knowing how hard TA's work- you deserve a day off without the guilt.
I tried to promise myself I wouldn’t get stressed but this was the one day I was hoping to avoid.
It’s true injecting everyday isn’t fun and I wish I wasn’t having to do it this way but sadly I am. I’m just praying that my line manager can help me and come up with a plan. I just know my teacher is not going to be happy.
I am in school management. At the end of the day you are going to your appointment, I came round from my egg retrieval and my first words were “I was dreaming about work” 🤣
Everything will go on, even if the head teacher needs to go on the trip then that’s what happens!
Your head wouldn’t last a day in our place! 🤣 I always took the tact of not asking just telling them, be confident because this comes before everything else ! Best of luck, it’s so exciting 🥰
Hiya,So I'm a teacher and when we go on trips we are 100% reliant on TAs, mostly because we know the children will be safer and managed better than with a parent (not all have common sense unfortunately). The idea of not taking any TAs is quite frankly terrifying. So, what I would say is- don't take it personally. Honestly, school trips are ridiculously stressful : even just getting parents to come is a hassle- so many just cancel at the last minute or are rubbish with behaviour management. Then there's the trip itself. It's possible the teacher was already stressed when she/he spoke to you and it was just the cherry on top. I would say I'm the most diplomatic, sensitive person, especially when it comes to things like ivf etc, but even I'd struggle to hide my disappointment/stress if I thought my TA couldn't come on a trip. There's the added work of reorganising the groups as she may have put certain children with you- those with SEN or asthma or allergies, or she may to ask senior management to find a TA to replace you, or she may have already struggled to get parents and then has realised she needs to somehow find another one to come. Monday isn't far away... I'd say the teacher was just stressed and thinking about how she was going to get a replacement with less than a week to go.
So my advice is to not worry too much- you have to go, there's nothing you can do about it, if your eggs are ready they're ready. As for the teacher, you probably jsut caught her at a bad time.
Go to bed nice and early tonight and try not to worry. There's always someone in a school who can fill in. Always. Sleep well and try not to stress x
She made her comments before all of my ivf came out I found out because I found the letter that was sent home. She made the comment having found out that another person was not going on the trip because she’s pregnant ha go figure!
I don’t feel like a TA she always wants there. 90% of the time I feel like I am a TA who is supply. Like when you have supply or cover staff you never get them involved because they aren’t staying and that’s how I feel a lot.
She doesn’t know yet that I may not be there that is a conversation that is still to come. Need all the luck I can get. I am hoping my line manager can help with some advice.
I am a teacher and would say the pressure you seem to be under is unreasonable. What if you were showing symptoms for COVID and needed to get a test done? They can’t expect you to be there at all cost. Just call that morning and say you have been coughing all night and are booked in for a PCR test. Get one booked for that afternoon. Job done! X
Hey! I can completely relate to your situation and I think so many others can too! I'm on my third cycle and during my first cycle, work were very supportive, then my 2nd cycle came and it all became quite inconvenient, I'm the deputy head nurse in a vet practice and the head nurse wanted some time off that overlapped mine, suddenly my IVF was an issue. It seems work places are on board with support until it becomes inconvenient for them. Which causes us IVF warriors a great deal of very much unwanted stress. My only advice to you would be the same advice the lovely people on this forum gave me when I posted about a similar situation. You focus on your IVF, because that is the most important thing, and in 5 years time when you look back at all this you won't regret taking the time off work, you'll regret it if you let work stand in your way or cause you stress that could complicate your journey. I wish you all the best of luck with your cycle and all the baby dust in the world!
Thank you so much for writing such a reply. I am very lucky as I seem to have a very understanding and sympathetic line manager because he’s told me not to stress or panic that if I need to be off I need to be off. I felt so sick this morning but he definitely made me feel better about the situation and my office manager who deals with my paperwork said I need to be selfish. Hears hoping these little bundles grow now so we have something to be excited about on Friday/Monday xx
Hi there. I really hope you have someone at work that understands and that you can talk too. I was working as a TA/covering PPA when I was first going through my journey. I felt guilty when I couldn't go to a school trip or was out on a day they needed me. My school was amazing from the few SLT and the close work family of teachers and other TAs I had told. But I would think of the nursery I used to work at and it was so different it would have been so hard. Awful management and even when I went to get a breast lump checked they made you feel so guilty and I had to straight back to work after my biopsy. Thank fully it was beingn. So it was hard to get used too when I was given so much support from my new employer. It took 4 attempts for my ivf to work and it was the teachers I worked closely with that told me to chill out after egg referral not come back in and they would manage as sometimes I would come back to school after. I think it is hard for some people to understand and sympathise and I hope you try and relax. I know easy said and done. Good luck on your journey and I hope they do understand. I have now a 21 month old baby girl 😍. Sending you positive wishes 🌟. Xx
Hi thank you so much I needed to hear all this this morning. A couple of people are supportive but I’m still new ish I’ve been there 18months and I have been hurt so much in the past that I struggle to connect with people as an adult now so I haven’t told many people.
I will be ok after all I’ve been through I’m strong enough but it does get lonely sometimes. I just know it’s not going to go down great but I also know if I don’t do it I’ll regret it and resent them.
This! This is how I’m feeling! Thank you for wording it in a way that all of a sudden my brain clicked!
I feel like it will become a massive inconvenience for them and then jeopardise the whole bloody thing. I have waited so long to be at this point, to now have it all derailed by a trip feels heartbreaking. I think they are going to say all the right things but behind my back be throwing daggers.
To say my anxiety is through the roof today is an understatement.
Thank you so much for replying now to face the music 🙈 xxx
Your line manager surely has the responsibility for sorting out staffing..forget the teacher I would just deal directly with the line management. You shouldn’t feel like you have to give details of why your off to everybody. It’s private and your line manager should keep it that way.
Have a chat to him about it. Explain how your not comfortable sharing your private details with others. They’ll find over as well, our school have community volunteers for school trips in abundance.
Hi yes he does. And in all fairness he has been great with all this. He’s never (so far) made me feel like this is an inconvenience and I said what the teacher had said but didn’t say who it was from and he said that’s just not the case we would find someone else to take your place. So fingers crossed all goes well on Friday.
I don’t feel as anxious about it all but that being said my teacher doesn’t know yet as he’s told me not to say anything until we have clarified some things with the head but I’m trying to stay optimistic.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply xxx
As the work relationship is strained, is it going to be any different if your off for a day, that's not going to change anytime soon if that's how they feel, bottom line it's not their business, it's confidential information and if your line manager is understanding and supportive do your best not to discuss your health issues with anyone else, do you know their health issues? I would be straight to the point"and say I do not discuss your health issues please respect mine and less you disclose the less they can comment, hope this helps xx 💗
Haha this is very true! Literally 6ppl in the whole building know what’s going on 2are management one works in the office she deals with absence paperwork, my class teacher and two ppl I have confided in because I need ppl to rant to or cover me if I’m off lol that’s it. I’ve been there 18months and the relationship with some ppl is not great some were friendly to start with and now don’t talk to me so there was no way I wanted to share my business with them hence why everyone who knows doesn’t know who else knows and I have told in confidence lol
It’s just no one’s business as you said so I’m keeping this quite close to my chest lol 😂
I’ve just started the IVF process and I’m a teacher. I went to talk to my head teacher (who is a wonderful human being) and she’s basically told me this is medical and I take what I need. She’s also contacting the central HR to make sure I’m getting everything I should. Maybe check in with the head at this point. There should be guidelines in place and the teachers response isn’t ok.
Too often schools go for the emotional blackmail of letting the kids down. They will find a way around it and that isn’t your job. Good luck!
Not sure if you are aware but under the discrimination act, your rights can be protected on grounds of health leading up to egg collection. The 3 weeks from egg collection you can be classed as pregnant until you get a negative test result so many organizations are required to give you same leave as anyone else who is pregnant. Eg the company I work for, the 3 weeks leave is not taken from my sickness or annual leave but given paid leave the same as other women who are given pregnancy leave eg for morning sickness.
Just wanted to say hope today goes well and really don’t worry if it is Monday. I see people have given loads of great advise, you’re clearly a TA who cares, but right now it is about you. Sending big hugs! X
I do care for me the kids always come first. I think over the yrs they have been my therapy I couldn’t seem to get my own so I dote know them in my own way.
I’m not good at putting myself first never have been part of my people pleaser trait. Monday was going to happen and then consultant has changed it at the last minute. So will probably be weds now. Fingers crossed my eggs grow grow grow ready for weds. Thank you for replying. Xxx
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