How to stay positive?

[Rp1411]

Ive not really posted much before but this forum has helped me so much! Not much to ask than how do people stay positive through it all? Had a tough time after getting pregnant through a fet cycle only to have a stillbirth at 39weeks. I’ve had lots of counselling sessions and although ill never be able to get over my loss, I’ve worked on my grief and would like to try again. I’ve had my tests done and things are in place for a potential start in March. How do you keep away the nagging feelings? Worried about the constant what ifs that will come…

[Kmcdon]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss that must have been so difficult. I think with regards to staying positive, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s a really hard thing to do, particularly after what you have been through. Some days you will feel positive and others you may struggle but don’t best yourself up about it. Staying relentlessly positive can be a bad thing. It sounds like counselling has helped you and hopefully clinic you are moving forward with, know of your previous loss and will guide you with your next cycle. Overall be kind to yourself and wishing you lots of luck. Xx

[butterfliez]

Hi firstly I am so sorry for the loss of your baby truly heartbreaking. It is such a traumatic experience to have a stillbirth & utterly devastating after having to go through ivf treatment in the first place to get pregnant & go on to lose your baby.

This also happened to me I lost my daughter in sept 2021 at 34 wks. This was after years of ttc & second ivf cycle.

Since then I’ve gone on to have further treatment (unsuccessful so far) but not giving up just yet , I can tell you it is very difficult to be & stay positive after such trauma, but some how I never lose hope , because hope is all we have & hope is what keeps us going. It is a constant battle of emotions & isn’t easy. I always find being in treatment or having a plan to start helps me to focus & feel like there is a brighter future ahead. Because we have to go through ivf first I always just concentrate on that side of things & try not to think too far ahead with worrying further down the line , because pregnancy after loss will be another battle & will be full of so much anxiety. We just have to take the journey one step at a time & deal with how we feel in those moments , pretty much like the grieving process take it day by day. There is no pressure to feel positive all of the time.

It is good that you found counselling has helped you.

Here if you need to chat x

[Simmokt]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am. Lots of love xx

[Trying6years]

Hi, I had a successful second FET but at the 20 week scan was told baby was very unwell and I gave birth the following week. So a bit different but still I know the worry going into another FET.. we are doing a natural cycle right now (possible transfer next week) and literally this morning I had an intrusive thought of being at another scan and being told there’s something wrong and the combination of the thought plus my lived experience almost made me physically vomit, I have started to get more anxious each day - more about the test being positive and getting through a pregnancy than anxiety about getting a negative - which was the only anxiety on my previous transfers! It is really, really tough even considering pregnancy after loss and I don’t think it’s possible to stay positive all the time if I’m honest, I think it would be natural for you to worry until you can take your baby home. I think just taking each day at a time and doing things that you know will help you get by, for example last time I didn’t exercise at all trying to be sooo careful but this time I will continue as I know it helps my mental health. I hear you on this one and feel free to message me if you need to xx