FET Monday and not feeling even remotely excited

Having 3rd transfer on Monday and I just feel so emotionally removed from it all. 3 might not seem like that many, but I did have 2 rounds on top of that where I didn’t get anything to transfer, plus a cancelled round, so it really has been a long journey.

I’m sure this is a normal state for those that have been on this journey with repeat failures. I know the advice will be to stay positive, but really… how do people manage to do that?!

It’s also our last attempt, so I don’t know if that’s making it worse and more challenging to feel positive. Whether I’m just putting up more of defence now, knowing that after this all our options have been exhausted.

I don’t really know what I want in way of a response, I think I just needed to write it down to a group that understands.

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Hey, I just wanted to say I think a lot of us totally get where you are coming from and have felt the same. I remember on my 4th transfer asking the nurse how to 'think positive' because I just felt so defeated. She told me not to even bother trying if I didn't feel like it! But just to look after myself and just nurse myself through each day as it came and went. So for each transfer after that I didn't even bother with worrying about my mindset, kind of just lived with however I felt.

I do think its self protection, our brains think 'if I don't get excited I won't get hurt if it doesn't work'. Unfortunately thats not necessarily the reality but I don't think there is anything we can do to necessarily change the mindset, definitely not in the space of a week or two.

The main thing is I have seen a lot of people on here who have been at an all time low when transferring with no hope left at all, and then suddenly got their BFP. So I don't think not thinking positive has a negative impact on things, so don't beat yourself up about it and just be kind to yourself. Huge hugs and lots of luck xx

[Boo718]

hiya I honestly totally get what your saying. On our last couple of transfers I was just away somewhere else to be honest. There was so much bad luck before, that it was like I was protecting myself from a fall by removing myself from the whole thing. Even when the doctor said it’s positive I responded by saying ‘what, are you joking’

Don’t be to hard on yourself so many of us have felt this way xxx I wish you sooo much good luck xxx

[Skittles11]

I'm with you on all of this and I think you just become numb to it as a form of protecting yourself. I cried so much after my first IVF attempt, it was brutal as got no eggs, but the longer things have gone on the more numb I become. Like I don't really cry anymore, I still feel it all very deeply but in a different way, like you any excitement I had has diminished over time. This situation takes, takes, takes and we're all looking for it to finally give us what we all crave - when you go through repeat set backs I really do think it's no wonder we react in this way, we have to otherwise our mental health would be shot xx

[Marie2377]

I felt the same during my recent transfer. I think we are protecting our hearts and minds from it all. Sending love your way.

[Mudra85]

Hi, I think how you're feeling is to be expected after everything you've been through and you shouldn't force yourself to feel positive when you don't. I think there's been a long standing assumption that if you 'just stay positive' or 'stop thinking about it' (both of which are extremely difficult when you're going through a traumatic time) that will somehow improve your chances of it working. But this doesn't stack up to reality as if it were true no one would have babies with fertility treatment, given most patients are pretty stressed out when going through it. I really hope it's your time this time, but I can relate to the feeling of becoming almost numb to it with each and every set back and disappointment. Very best of luck!

[Ladycoco20]

hi I couldn’t read & run .

I totally understand what you’re feeling , I think it’s a deep protection of our hearts . Im preparing in January for my deivf (3rd) one .

It’s also our last embryo so we are scarred too !

But it’s a new embryo, new cycle & maybe the one ✨🙏🏽🌈 sending strength xx