After over 2 1/2 years of fertility treatment we got our BFP at the beginning of September. We have had 4 fresh rounds and two FETs to get to this point, but now have found out our precious baby stopped growing at 6 weeks.
I've not even miscarried yet, that's to come but im devastated and feel so lost.
We've spent maybe 30k. We have no more money and actually are in some debt so trying to fund more ivf seems impossible. We have no frozen embryos.
We are a same sex couple and both have low amh.
We can't even order donor sperm for home use in the UK so cant even try (however unlikely it is to work) without making ourselves incredibly vulnerable.
I just don't know where we go from here💔
Written by
Mrsshlee
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I am so sorry for your loss, it’s the cruelest thing. And I am sorry for everything you have been through to date.
Now is probably not the time to be trying to work out what to do next, you are in shock and grieving. I would recommend trying to not think about what next for now and give yourselves time to deal with the terrible situation you are going through.
You have both been through a lot in two and a half years. Am I right in thinking you have a son together already? If I were you I would work your way through this miscarriage and then just take a break for a bit to give your minds and bodies a rest. I personally found doing a similar number of cycles and transfers in a short period IVF became all consuming. I was 43 and didn’t feel like I had time for a break but it gave us time to realise there were options and almost prioritise them with a clearer mind rather than being in the fog of IVF, drugs and doctors
In the meantime though just wanted to send the hugest hug that you find yourselves in this situation xx
Thank you for your reply and support ❤️ yes we do have a son.
I think thats probably good advice, I am just really struggling with the end of this pregnancy and all it may mean for us. I don't know how to switch off the part of my brain that plans and plans!
I totally get it and I have been there myself and at the point where I thought I would end up having to give up. NHS Talking Therapies really helped me (normally fertility counselling didn't). It helped me accept that all my feelings were valid, it helped me grieve, and actually gradually over time it helped accept that if the worst happened and I wasn't able to do another round/have a baby then there was a life beyond that.. I had totally lost sight of that being on the hamster wheel of IVF. It didn't mean I 100% accepted it but it did help me see that IVF wasn't everything I had in the world, which is what I think it really feels when you are spending so much time money and effort on it, only for good things to be stolen away from you. Everyone has different routes but don't pressure yourself to switch off your head, I know my default reaction is to only feel better if I am trying to fix something or plan the next thing to fix it.. but that's exhausting and you definitely definitely deserve a rest xx
Ive just read your profile- wow what a rollercoaster. Sending love right back. I think you are right about the hamster wheel- looking back i never feel back to myself until about my second period after the end of treatment. It becomes so all consuming x
I just wanted to say I am so very sorry and know how heartbreaking it is to feel that loss.
You have gone through so much and Ive not got much to say im afraid that can make it better or give options but do whatever you need to take the time to grieve your loss and it does get a bit clearer and easier with time.
It really is such a huge loss. And no one ever talks about how painful it is - and sadly that's physical as well as emotional. I think we get so used to the ups and downs, I felt I was super resilient but the huge sadness and hole you feel in your heart hearing that news. 💔 you just cant prepare for it.
I felt like my journey for a baby was over after our loss but was grateful for a friend who experienced a miscarriage too and talking about it made it real and slowly come to terms before I could start to think next steps. Do hope in time you'll be able to look at your options too. For the time being be kind and whatever you feel is totally justified.
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