How long do one have to wait after a Stillbirth to have another FET?

[angeln]

A week ago my world crashed after going to my due date appointment at 40weeks and getting the news that he have no heartbeat 💔. It’s been so hard and painful, no words for the pain we experiencing now, but we still want to have a baby atlst to give us some light , we love our boy so much since he was our everything and we are not replacing him,… my whole pregnancy journey had no problems and was low risk and out of nowhere his heart just stopped and they can’t find a reason to it, everything is normal with him so it’s unexplained Stillbirth. I gave birth to my sleeping angel vaginally too with no complications. Am wondering now how long do i have to wait for another transfer cycle?. I still have 4 more embryos frozen.

[HMCW22]

I don't know the answer to your question but I wanted to say how sorry I am and send lots of love x

[angeln in reply to HMCW22]

thank you🙏🏾

[Fairytale22]

I am so so sorry for your loss! Please be gentle on yourself. After my loss at 4 months the consultant and the clinic wouldn’t do it before 6 months! But I suppose it would all depend on the situation. It was torture having to wait as all you want is your baby but I think the time made me be in a better place mentally.

I am so sorry, I hope you are getting all the support you need. The charity sands is helpful and they have a forum too.

Sending lots of love ❤️

[angeln in reply to Fairytale22]

Thank you🙏🏾 Sorry for your loss too.. i hope they won’t make me wait for so long😥.. Am afraid of another pregnancy but my ache to have a baby is more than my fear. So i feel am ready to do it again

[LizzieBW]

I'm so sorry you lost your boy. Sending loads of strength to you.

A close friend lost her baby in her third trimester, stillbirth and vaginal delivery too. She did not have fertility treatment but several losses prior to this baby loss. She got pregnant naturally, by choice 3 months after her baby loss, with no complications and now has a healthy baby. I'm writing mostly to say how sorry I am but also to remind you your clinic may make recommendations you can consider but ultimately it's your body and your choice as people who are fortunate enough not to have fertility issues can choose to try any time they feel ready. Take care. Xx

[angeln in reply to LizzieBW]

Thank you🙏🏾. And it’s so true people without fertility issues are more lucky coz they try whenever they want. I hope i won’t have to wait long before trying again, and like you said it’s my body and hope they can work with the time that i want 😥 hopefully after my 8week clear checkup with my OB.

[Millbanks]

how utterly heartbreaking 💔

There are no words I just wanted to send you love. I hope you are doing as well as you can xxx

[angeln in reply to Millbanks]

thank u🙏🏾

[butterfliez]

hi I’m so very sorry that your baby boy was born sleeping , this is heartbreaking & devastating after a healthy pregnancy & no warnings at your due date appointment , I’m sending my deepest condolences 💔 you must be in shock I hope you have support around you at this awful time.

i can relate to how you are feeling because This happened to me in September 2021 my daughter was born sleeping at 34 weeks after a perfect pregnancy, this was my first pregnancy after 2nd ivf .

I had one frozen embryo waiting for us & all I could think about was having this transferred as soon as possible, I had to have an emergency c section so things may be different the advice by the obstetrician is to wait a minimum of 6 months , I contacted my fertility clinic who were understanding but would not do a transfer until we had the results from the debrief meeting ( we did not have a post mortem on our baby girl but we had my placenta sent for testing & stacks of bloods) did you have any of of this? They may want you to wait for this to gain information & plan for future pregnancies from an obstetrician. It took a long time to get our results appointment we waited 7 months but in the meantime we had follow ups & prep for our next fet . We then proceeded to have our transfer in June . But unfortunately it did not work this time around. It may be worth having a chat to your clinic when you feel able to face it. I know you will have So many things racing through your mind right now. The pain is all consuming.

Sorry if that is so much info to take in but here if you need any help ! Xx

[angeln in reply to butterfliez]

thank you & sorry too for your loss.. it’s really hurts so much😥. We are not post mortem on our boy too.. i hope they got to check the placenta but in the hospital the doctor said it is all good with the placenta too only the cord is too long than normal but they see no problem with that😥💔. Planning to contact the clinic as soon as i get my clear from my gynecologist….

How did you cope with this pain? Does it get any easier?

[butterfliez in reply to angeln]

Thank you it will be my daughters 1st heavenly birthday next week & it only feels like yesterday, it really does hurt it’s an unbearable pain & im sending you strength & love ❤️! The early days are very intense & it does take a while for the shock to ease. I wouldn’t say it gets easier as the pain stays with me but somehow we get on & days pass by. Be gentle on yourselves & take each day at a time There are lots of support which you may find helps , I joined the sands online community ( forums) where people have lost babies so can relate & you can find medical information from others., do you have a bereavement midwife at your hospital? ( I did not at the time ) but was given one later. They are there for any help & questions.

They might still send off your placenta & will more than likely do blood tests in the upcoming months. Mine looked fine at the birth & was sent away.

Because you gave birth naturally they will probably be able to transfer sooner than 6 months but they also will like you to feel ready mentally. Again I am so sorry this has happened to you xx

[angeln in reply to butterfliez]

it’s been 5 days now hope i can still ask them if they can send it to get some test done😥. My blood work confirmed i had infection 💔💔it’s hurt even more and guilt . On my 38wk appointment all was clear even my blood work , so can’t even understand how this happened

[butterfliez in reply to angeln]

try not to feel guilty ( easier said than done) I had my last midwife appointment on just the day before my daughter died , no signs or symptoms in my urine or bp but I had sever preeclampsia . It’s not your fault these things happen you weren’t to know you had infection everything was well. I know It hurts so much & whatever I say won’t take away your pain or worries but here for support ♥️

I’m sure it is standard procedure to send of your placenta if your in the uk.

You can message me anytime xx

[angeln in reply to butterfliez]

thanks for this words, coz i keep asking myself what did i do wrong? How could i have not known but like you said all looked good even with blood on my last appointment. So it was out of our control. I live in Austria so no idea of process to it.

[butterfliez in reply to angeln]

just to reassure you sometimes nothing is found in the placenta tests , even though mine was tested everything looked perfect & nothing came back from it. So you might not have got any further answers anyway.

It is all part of the grief & shock that we overthink every little thing , your going to have so many emotions things are so raw for you right now, you just want answers & will wondering how & why such a thing can happen. Take each hour at a time ♥️ Xx

[Sweethear]

I am so sorry for your loss. I think since you gave birth naturally you can start trying as from 8 weeks . Sending you and your partner lots of love and hugs 🤗

[angeln in reply to Sweethear]

Thank you. Am really hoping my clinic allow it soon after that 8wks😥

[AMJean]

Sending love to you at this time. Xx

[Hidden]

so sorry to read this, just devastating.x Some good advice already given so I just wanted to send a big hug your way.xx

[HelenJudi1]

I don’t know the answer I’m afraid but I wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Truly heartbreaking, thinking of you and your little boy. x

[ki50]

Also just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you've been through, utterly heartbreaking. Sending love at this difficult time x

[JoyfulStar]

Reading this and my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don’t know the answer to your question but sending you strength. A virtual hug and praying you find some comfort.

[Somoe]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read your heartbreaking news. Take good care of yourself x

[Kitca]

this broke my heart for you. Im so sorry , i have no idea how long to wait but be kind to you and your body xxx

[Positivechangeplease]

I’m so so sorry for your loss. You must have a huge amount of strength. I imagine since you had to give birth the usual rules apply. They suggest waiting a year to allow the body to recover. But I imagine that 6 months is a good amount of time. I hope you’re getting the emotional support you need xxx

[Littlepeax]

This must be the hardest thing a person could ever go through in life ❤️✨️❤️ I am heartbroken for you. So sorry 😞 sending love and strength to you both. I would say around 6 months like the others have said. Im always here if you need a chat or some support. Thinking of you xxx

[angeln in reply to Littlepeax]

Thank you .it’s the hardest and most painful thing, i couldn’t even wish for my worst enemy on such💔💔💔.

[Littlepeax in reply to angeln]

❤️❤️❤️ sending love and strength to you angeln. Hope you are being supported xxx

[MomaJoni]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby in November too and it is something I would never wish on anyone.

We were advised to wait 6 months before starting our journey again which I didn't like the idea of, however it turns out my body needed it anyway. My period's didn't return properly until the February and I didn't ovulate at all until the June. I then started my Frozen egg transfer at the end of June and am now 6 weeks pregnant.

Ultimately, it is entirely up to you. It's your body, your family and your decision.

[angeln in reply to MomaJoni]

so sorry too for your loss, it’s really the hardest thing one can go through. And knowing even the journey to get that baby doesn’t make it any easier 💔. Congratulations on your Rainbow and wish you best in the journey. Am hoping they let me do it as soon as i want too.

[MyLittlePinkness]

I don’t have the answer to your question. I just wanted to send my condolences and some virtual hugs. I can’t imagine the pain you are in at the moment. I pray you get your rainbow baby💕💕

[Eternalwarrior]

Oh, love, I am so so sorry for your heartbreaking and devastating news of the loss of your baby boy. I am sending you all my love and a massive hug. I suffered from recurrent miscarriages and lost my baby boy born sleeping in the second trimester in 2019. Although I lost my boy earlier in the pregnancy than you, I think I can understand your pain. Not one day passes that I don't think of my baby boy James.

I delivered him vaginally, but had some complications after the delivery and had to wait to get the post-mortem results and some other tests before trying again, so I imagine your clinic will want to find out a bit more about what happened and the reasons so that they can look after you better in your next pregnancy.

I have recently had my miracle rainbow 🌈 baby boy, 3 years later. In no way does he replace his elder brother, but he makes the darker days much brighter and he is my world.

I, like you, also wanted to try again for a baby ASAP after the loss of my son James, but my advice would be take one day at a time and take the time you need to grieve. Look after yourself and surround yourself by the people who love you and understand what you are going through and can support you.

If you want to have a chat, please, feel free to PM me. Anything I can do to help you, it will be my pleasure.

My thoughts are with you in this extremely difficult time. All my love and hugs xxx

[angeln in reply to Eternalwarrior]

thanks alot😥. Am sorry too for your loss 💔. I know even being on second Trimester must have been so painful for you too. The hospital says they found infection in my blood, how does that even happen , a week before that all test were negative and all over a sudden this out of nowhere💔. I feel like my body failed me

[Eternalwarrior in reply to angeln]

I felt like you for a long time, that my body had failed me, but you must know that what happened is not your fault and you did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, these terrible things sometimes happen and nothing can be done to prevent them. I am sending you a MASSIVE hug and lots of strength and so much love xxx

[exhaustedbythesea]

I am so so sorry for your loss. It’s absolutely devastating. 💔

My daughter Aurelia was stillborn at 24 weeks in July. We just had the follow up stillbirth clinic to review results of the investigation on Monday and the OB cleared me to try again as soon as I am mentally ready, as I had a vaginal delivery and all tests on me came back normal. Aurelia died due to a chord accident caused by an amniotic band, an extremely rare issue that is very unlikely to reoccur.

Tomorrow I am meeting with my fertility clinic to discuss next steps and timeline. I will come back and let you know what they tell me just as a guideline, but of course your clinic may have a different recommendation based on your results.

In the meantime, I just want to say that I’m holding you in my heart. You are living through one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and I’m so sorry. There are no words that can help, but take it one breath at a time and I promise you will slowly start to heal. Sending so much love! ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[angeln in reply to exhaustedbythesea]

So sorry too momma.Aurelia is a beautiful . How are you holding up? It’s really painful for sure , never experienced a pain like this, i thought i knew pain when i had an oblight ovum on my first round of ivf but loosing my son Fabian have been like a nightmare, a pain that sting so bad..

my hospital did say all is good with all but they found infection in my blood💔.

please let me know what your clinic tells you.

[exhaustedbythesea in reply to angeln]

Thank you for your kind words and Fabian is such a lovely name for your beautiful boy. ♥️ It’s been almost two months now since our loss but I can say that I’ve improved so much. Still a long road ahead, but I’m able to have some peace and even some moments of happiness and hope. Being in counseling, journaling, and just letting myself cry my eyes out whenever I feel sad has really helped me process the loss.

I met with my fertility consultant yesterday and he advised a minimum 3 month wait after birth, but said from there he’ll wait on the green light from us that we are mentally ready. I know I need more time to heal, but am hoping in another 2 months I will feel strong enough to try again.

I know you are probably in such shock and feeling so lost, but it will get easier with time and with support. Please feel free to DM me if you need to chat. I’ve found the support from this group so helpful. 💛

[angeln in reply to exhaustedbythesea]

. glad they said only wait 3 months , that means if you are mentally ready in a month you can try again… I hope my clinic don’t give me longer too coz i feel i really want to try again n that will help me get through. The thought of wanting to hold my own baby is what making me wonna get better , I know it’s a journey with no promises but am really hoping we get to hold our Rainbows🌈 someday

[exhaustedbythesea in reply to angeln]

I really hope so too! ♥️♥️

[Callmenat]

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s unfair and extremely painful to be in this situation. You need to go to your OB and he will tell you when your body it’s ready for trying again.

After 3 miscarriages, In 2020 at 38 weeks I gave birth to my beautiful daughter vaginally. Sadly she had a problem in her brain that they didn’t saw during pregnancy and she died 6 days after she was born. The doctor let me start trying after 4 months, but looking back I can assure you that I wasn’t mentally ready. I got pregnant 3 months after we started trying , but sadly It was an missed miscarriage… after healing my broken heart we started treatments 5 months after and 4 months later I was able to have my FET (due to thin lining). I’m currently 18 weeks pregnant and it hasn’t been easy, but we are beyond happy and grateful and hopping that this time, we can finally take to our home our 2 beautiful blessings (yes, they are twins💕)

Please be patient and kind to yourself, wait until your body and heart are ready to start this difficult journey again, but always with the hope that in the end, you will be able to smile again 💕💕💕

[angeln in reply to Callmenat]

so sorry too and congratulations on your Rainbows🌈.. I know it’s not easy journey,comes with alot of worries 😒. Am just taking one day at a time now even with thoughts of trying again, .. how did you hold up with this pain, it’s too much💔

[Callmenat in reply to angeln]

oh my dear, there’s it’s no recipe. But I’ll tell you something, I acknowledge my pain, I cried every time I needed to and I didn’t let anyone to tell that I needed to be strong or that I needed to move on. I talked (and still do) about my pregnancy, birth and my daughter with family, friends and people when asked about my family. I call her by her name and smile when I remember the good times that we lived together. I keep her alive in my heart and I make sure that people don’t try to act as she never happened because she will always be the joy and light of my life 💕

I’m sure that you will find your way and walk your own path with the love that still lives in your heart. I send you a big hug and a lot of love 💕

[Eternalwarrior in reply to Callmenat]

I could have written this myself too. Everything you say is so true and what helped me as well ❤️❤️❤️Love and hope is what keep us going. Congratulations on your rainbow twin pregnancy! xxx

[Callmenat in reply to Eternalwarrior]

I send you a big hug and congratulations on your little rainbow 🌈 💕💕💕💕

[Eternalwarrior in reply to Callmenat]

Thank you, my lovely 💕💕💕

[Zoey_k65]

I’m so sorry your little boy died. What’s his name?

My daughter was born sleeping a year ago at 37 weeks-no problems during pregnancy and a scan one week earlier had been all normal. She was a frozen embryo transfer. We knew we would want to try for more children as we had more embryos so I made the decision to give birth to her vaginally so that I didn’t have to wait for healing post c-section.

We opted not to go for a post-mortem but we had all other tests including genetic testing. It took about 3months for everything to come back but with a post-mortem can take even longer. The results did not show anything.

My daughter was born in May, we had our follow up appointment in September and then went for another transfer in November/December. The IVF clinic changed our protocol slightly to include clexane and aspirin. The team said there was no reason why we couldn’t go for a transfer as soon as we wanted

You don’t have to justify to anyone about you wanting another child. Lean on those that you love- there are support groups such as SANDS and petals bereavement counselling.

It has taught me to place boundaries. Look after yourself- the first year is so tough. Every month is a milestone of some kind.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk to someone who has been there

Sending you gentle hugs.

Xx

[angeln in reply to Zoey_k65]

thank you. His name was Fabian . And so sorry for your loss too💔it’s so hard and painful for sure. Trying to take a day at a time😞. They did do blood work and came up that i had infection in my blood. With the baby all was good . We also opted for no post mortem test.

[XOXO13]

I don’t have any advice to offer but I wanted to say how so incredibly sorry I am for your heartbreaking loss 💔

Sending you so much love and strength at this difficult time. And to all the other ladies on here who have experienced the same, my heart aches for you and I so wish you all so much love and warmth xxxxx

[Kichwaa]

So sorry for your loss.I was told to wait for 6 months after I kost my twin girls.Sending you lots of hugs.

[angeln in reply to Kichwaa]

so sorry for the loss of your girls too💔. How did u cope with this pain?😥. 6 months atlst ok but hope they can allow earlier too😒

[Doglover5]

so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain of this. ❤️❤️

[Chantysal]

I just want to say im so sorry u had to go tru this and also I have to say that ur so strong to be planning ur next move. im sending u hugs and lots of love

[Applepie7]

I just wanted to say how deeply sorry Iam for your loss. There simply are no words utterly hearbreaking and something which no should experience. Sending you strength, love and innner peace. Please look after yourself. Thing of you xxx