own eggs or egg donor route CONFUSED and scared

[Pickalilly]

im just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how did you decide on which path to take

(Questions at bottom of page)

i had my follow up appointment last week and my consultant is happy im producing good mature eggs, but my embryo quality is not great

im 41 years old and going at it alone with donor sperm

ive had 2 failed transfers and 1 failed FET

option 1 try again with my own eggs, with new sperm donor, and hope to get better quality embryo,

cons, for option 1. he's told me theres a bigger risk of miscarriage or birth defects due to my age, and ive only got "low double digit chance" of getting pregnant

option 2, i can go down the donor egg route, where ive got more like a 50% chance of getting pregnant, as i will be using "younger persons eggs" so less chance of defects or miscarriage

cons for option 2, theres a years waithing list for donor eggs

im so confused, and im not asking for an answer

My consultant said hes happy for me try with my own eggs while i go on the donor list to see what happens

BUT financial wise, i cant afford both, this will also be my last attempt

Questions.......

How and why did you choose to go down that route?

How did you feel about doing this?

Did you have any doubts on using a donor? e.g. you was worried the baby would not looking like you or the baby not being fully yours

Was you successful? Or how many try's did you need?

did you get more than 1 egg?

Ive said all along I want to have the chance to carry myself rather than adoption

Sorry for the long post and so many questions

I had friends to talk to who had done IVF, but no one who's done donor recipient 😔😢

Any help or advice is gratefully received x

[Hidden]

Sorry for the confusion you are in.

Have they told you what happens with your embryos? For example are you making it to blastocyst etc? That can tell you a lot about whether to give up on your eggs or not.

One thing, I don't know if you are wedded to your clinic but there are clinics with lots shorter wait times that 3 years for DE xx

[Pickalilly in reply to Hidden]

HiThey said my first round, double transfer1 was compacting and 1 was cavitating

So not the best transfer stage

Round 2, again double transfer, 1 was cavitating, and 1 was low grade

my FET was day 6 embryo, grade C

So none where blastocysts stage

they think it could be something to do with the sperm donor, the motility rate wasn't the best and they had to do ICSI

I could try another donor, but again there not garenteed that the new one will be any better

This is where i cant afford to do both, if i try again with my own eggs and new sperm and it doesnt work, im not going to be able to do the egg donor route

I dont really want to change clinics as youve built up a trust in them and i dont know if changing i would like another clinic

[Hidden in reply to Pickalilly]

Its easy for me to say but reading this I would be tempted to try another donor, sounds like your eggs are in good shape and thats probably the least expensive of all options and something you can do now. If you have to wait three years your eggs might not be in such great shape. Everyone is different but mine deteriorated fairly rapidly between 40 and 43, despite having a good AMH, it was extra frustrating as a lot of the delay was due to covid! xx

[Natasha1999]

Hi Pickalilly, have you considered going abroad?? I’ve just come back from having IVF in Cyprus. The care is far more amazing than what we experience in the UK and you have the option to use both your egg and a doner egg for more or less the same cost as the UK for your egg. May be worth looking into before deciding xx

[Hopeful_dream]

It’s not an easy decision to make. I was recently in a similar position but a bit older than you as I have just turned 45. I am also going solo with donor sperm. I had a few chemical pregnancies and early miscarriages at 42-43. At 44 I got 18 eggs and 3 top quality 5 day blasts. First was bfn and second double transfer was bfp but sadly ended in missed miscarriage at 8 weeks.

I agonised over whether to give my eggs one last go but in the end I have decided to go forward with donor eggs and feel excited again to move forward with a higher chance of success. I was only given 5% chance with my own given my age now and like you, could only afford one more go. My clinic’s waiting list for donor eggs was only 3 months.

My advice would be to get some counselling as that really helped me sort my head about all my double donor concerns.

Wishing you all the very best with your decision. Xx

[Purplehedgehog87]

if you paid for donor sperm and it wasn't very good quality i would also be complaining to your clinic about that as whole process is expensive to start with and you don't expect they'd use rubbish sperm! I have considered donor eggs as 2 failed rounds (2nd one nothing to transfer) and my egg quality is poorer due to pcos rather than age but has same effect. I would agree if there is a low chance for yourself and its about carrying a baby (i feel same way) donor may be way forward but you can shop around and see what waiting lists are elsewhere. donor conception network has some good info and talking to a counsellor will help. sometimes you need time to process before you make a decision and thats ok x

[Ace1991]

If it’s your last attempt then best way to be sure you end up becoming a mummy is the donor route if you can get your head around this.

I was in similar situation at your age too. I had 3 attempts. None resulted at in BFP. Then came covid so everything stopped. 2 years later and at 44 I knew I just wanted to be a mummy RIGHT NOW. I didn’t have years or IVF in me ( and wasn’t willing to spend the money ) I also didn’t want to be a much older mummy if I could help it.

I had IVF in my late 30’s and it took 5 attempts to get my two boys. In my forties it could be double this so I knew donor route was for me and my new husband.

My clinic had a year waiting list and if I was going donor route I wanted to be pregnant right now.

I then found the London egg bank where there are hundreds eggs waiting for you with no waiting lists. You can be very selective around a long criteria from appearance to education.

I found the whole process sooo quick, simple and easy. There is a 75pc chance of a live birth with each cohort of eggs. I’m now 5 months and haven’t looked back since.

This was my journey at a similar age which led me to donor eggs. I know I have landed in the right place but appreciate its not for everyone.

Wishing you all the luck on your journey.

[Rhubarb5]

Hello,I am 34 with low AMH. Also using donor sperm. I am about to start my fourth and final cycle with my own eggs. I also produce mature eggs but my embryos just don't develop. Dr thinks we've got about a 10% chance of success. We have decided to do one more and change the sperm donor, as I need to know I have tried everything with my own eggs before moving on. If unsuccessful we will go down the double donor route (egg and sperm) and will most likely go abroad - my Dr said it's cheaper and you can generally get more for your money. Best of luck with your journey. xx

[Marisa32]

I gave myself a deadline. If I hadn't been successful with my own eggs by the age of 42, I was going with donor eggs. I did a mix of IVFs and IUIs due to my extremely low AMH. While still trying, I arranged for donor eggs in the Czech Republic and had already 5 PGT tested viable embies on ice, when I found out I was pregnant from an at home IUI. I live in the USA, where donor eggs are out of my price range. Czech Republic was selected because it's close to my nationality/heritage plus it's high quality service for a low price. The whole process was super fast, they found me a donor in 3 weeks or less. I got to chose approximate age, height, weight, hair and eye color, and education. We got 7 eggs out of which 6 made it to embryos and 5 passed the PGT tests. The testing is optional, I had it done because I was super paranoid. Good luck!

[Bomboncita]

Hi, just wanted to share with you something I mentioned in another thread. I know someone who got pregnant at 48 with double donor in Spain. She is doing well. While everybody is different, I would like to believe that if she achieved pregnancy at 48, I still might have time (I'm 43). So, basically, whatever you decide, please know that there are people older than us getting pregnant with a donor in places such as Czech Republic and Spain.

[Goldy23]

Hi Pickalilly,

I went straight to donor eggs due to my age, 43, the fact that my AMH level was really low and was told my chances of conceiving naturally were very low.

I did a lot of research and used a clinic in Spain which had high success rates with older females.

We were successful on our first try!! I did have to have a hysteroscopy and then instillations to thicken my endometrial lining but it all worked out.

We paid for 3 eggs. One egg was transferred, day 5 blastocyst! I am now 11weeks 6days.

You just have to be mindful of the added cost of flights and accommodation.

I have no regrets at all about using a donor. The clinic was amazing from start to finish.

Wishing you the very best of luck. 🩷