BFN as suspected 😭😭😭😭

[Joeysjourney]

Title says it all really. Nothing at all, the embryo didn't take. Why is it never my turn.

So that's 41 yo, 6 years with never seeing a positive pregnancy test and 3 failed embryos.

I'm devastated. I really don't know what to say or do anymore.

This was my best embryo - a 5 day 3bb. I've two more on ice but they can't be that good a quality. Thinking another collection might make sense but maybe I should just move to donor.

I feel like I'm letting my husband down and he could have had kids if he'd met someone else.

[Babysteps22]

Ohhhh I'm so sorry to see this. Take some time to look after yourself before deciding your next steps. Sending lots of hugs xx

[Joeysjourney in reply to Babysteps22]

Thanks a million. Congrats on your bfp! Lovely news x

[Kimbob82]

I’m so sorry, I couldn’t read your comment and run. I can relate so much to your comment about letting your husband down… sometimes I feel like that’s the hardest part. I’ve had 12 embryo transfers with 15 embryos and no baby to show for it. (5 egg collections) Have you had immune blood tests done? I had 4.5 years of not one positive pregnancy test and since seeing a reproductive immunologist I’ve had 3 chemicals in 6 months. I know that might mean nothing to some… but for me it’s positive because I’m falling pregnant. My next transfer will be the kitchen sink immune protocol. Just thought I’d share my thoughts and say ‘you are not alone’ I understand how hard it gets sometimes. Don’t give up x

[Joeysjourney in reply to Kimbob82]

Thanks for the lovely message. Your story makes mine seem like a breeze! You're a wee superstar! No immune haven't been done although I have asked previously. I will push again on it as 6 years with no implantation, something isn't right x

[IVFat40 in reply to Joeysjourney]

Just to mention as a possible option hun, my clinic don't do immune testing but I self referred to the implantation clinic/research project run jointly by Coventry Hospital and Warwick University (I think Tommy's are also involved). I thought they were excellent, they did uterine biopsies to check natural killer cell levels, which they found were high. For me the immune protocol (mostly steroids) did the trick (I'm 42).

[Joeysjourney in reply to IVFat40]

Thanks. I've just emailed them and setting up a video call xxx

[Tnthketnf]

So sorry to see this. I feel exactly the same. My most recent transfer ended in a negative 5 days ago too. Also my best embryo so far similar to yours. Almost 5 years of trying 4 cycles and nothing. You are not alone. Give yourself some time, do nothing for a little bit, eat your favourite treats, anything soothing.

[Joeysjourney in reply to Tnthketnf]

Thanks for the lovely reply. It's just gut wrenching isn't it. I can't function today. So sorry for your troubles also, you've really been through it xx

[Savvy_teapot]

Understandable to have those ugly feelings right now. It's ok to be sad and I am sorry it didn't work again. Sending you a virtual hug!

[Joeysjourney in reply to Savvy_teapot]

Thanks a million for the reply! Just feeling battered and bruised by it all x

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Allow yourself time to cry - sob -wail - and do not blame yourself . Remember to keep really talking to your OH who will be feeling as bad as you but trying to be brave to help support you . Sending good wishes thoughts for the future

Janet

[Joeysjourney in reply to JA-fnuk]

Yes he's my angel and I try to look out for him too. I just want him to be happy. Thankfully this nightmare has brought us closer together xx

[ClaireB24]

Oh Joey I’m so sad to read this. I completely get the way you’re feeling, especially with Father’s Day having just passed it would be so nice to give our partners good news. I feel incredibly guilty about not being able to give my husband a child. My OTD is Sunday but like you did I’ve got all my usual AF symptoms right on cue so I know it’s a BFN. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next, really hope you get your good news soon xx

[Joeysjourney in reply to ClaireB24]

Aw it's so hard isn't it. I kept imagining being able to tell him he was going to be a dad on Sunday but they way things were going, I just felt it wasn't to be.

I know everyone said the same to me, but don't count yourself out just yet. We are all different and your cramping might be a good thing. I had other AF symptoms that actually made me think it was a negative more than the cramping as it can also be the pessaries.

Best of luck for Sunday xx

[Hidden]

So sorry - take some time to take care of yourself. After some rest and time out you may want to use those 2 embryos you have in the freezer....

Whatever you decide for your future, wishing you the strength to deal with this news. X

[Joeysjourney in reply to Hidden]

Thanks very much and yes I'm lucky to even have 2 more chances I know. Just worries me that the quality isn't great despite a LOT of lifestyle and protocol changes x

[Rainbowbaby22]

I'm so gutted for you hun. 💔 I'm sure your husband understands hun I'm sure he is more concerned about how your feeling at the moment. Please don't give up on your dream .also if you embryos are good another to freeze there go enough to make babies give them a chance . Please be good to yourself and look after your self . Sending lots of love your way x

[Joeysjourney in reply to Rainbowbaby22]

Thanks for the reply and for your support throughout this 2 weeks. You're right, I shouldn't count myself out but it's just negative after negative and I can't even imagine ever having that feeling of someone saying to me that I'm pregnant! Just need to lick my wounds x

[Redsequin]

I'm so sorry, Joey. It's just not fair you've had to go through this heartache again.

I know it can feel like it but I promise you you're not letting anyone down: you did everything you possibly could—so so much more than most people have to do to get pregnant—but sadly these things are out of our control.

Be extra kind to yourself. Those two more frosties are waiting for you if and when you're ready to try again.

All love xxxxx

[Joeysjourney in reply to Redsequin]

Thank you lovely! Just feel done in by it all. Its so draining. I did everything I could. All the lifestyle, supplements stuff and don't feel like it's got me anywhere x

[Redsequin in reply to Joeysjourney]

Ugh I’m not surprised you feel done in. We make all these sacrifices and work so hard, and even then it all just comes down to elements we can’t control. I hope you can take some time off to look after yourself? You defo deserve a break and anything that might make you feel a little better. Lots of love xxx

[Hoping20]

So sorry you are going through this journey. It’s just so unfair, hard and heartbreaking. I know this journey feels like a real lonely place but you are not alone...us ladies on this forum are here with you. Take time to grieve and look after yourself in the meantime x

[Joeysjourney in reply to Hoping20]

What a kind message. Thank you so much. Its such a comfort to have you all to talk to. Wish none of us had to go through any of this x

[Skittles11]

Hey Joey. Sorry to read this, it simply isn't fair and I completely relate to the sentiment "why is it never my turn". You've referred to not knowing whether to pursue donor or another egg collection. How many egg collections have you had up to this point? It's so so difficult to keep seeing a blank canvass staring back at you and not knowing the reasons. You're not alone xx

[Joeysjourney in reply to Skittles11]

Hi babe. I've had two collections so far but results haven't been wonderful. First round 13 eggs, only 2 fertilitised and transferred on day 3 - bfn. 2nd round 10 eggs, 7 fertilised and 3 blasts, best grade 3bb.

Not awful for my age but could be better especially with all the work I put into this. Alot of diet and lifestyle changes.

I don't want to give up on my eggs but I know id great improve my chances with donor. Xxx

[Hidden]

Ahhh I am so sorry 😞 but your turn will come, believe it!

[Hidden]

So sorry Joey, it really does suck when it always feels negative.

its probably no help now, and I may have told you before, but my sister never had 2 lines and had her two very last and worst embryos transferred on rounds 7 and 8 and they are now 4 and 1, she did nothing different, they were just the ones that wanted to work for her!

Heaps of hugs xx

[Abs37]

Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry! Push for your additional testing and look after yourself xxx

[AMJean]

Thinking of you. This is all so hard, but you’re in it and doing it, which is hugely brave. I wish you some time to recover and to then decide what’s next. x

[Elegantly_Jaded]

Totally understand that feeling of letting your husband down. I have 2 adult kids (he has none) and it's by far the hardest part of the entire process for me. Every time we get bad news, the first words out of my mouth are "I'm sorry". Knowing they love you doesn't take that gut-wrenching feeling away. Sending you a colossal hug. You are worth it xx

[bnme1012]

So so sorry. Ive been through this as well. 26 yrs of marriage no children, neither me or hubby. So we decided to try iui and ivf all to just be heart broken everytime. What we learn from it is maybe me just need each other. If it's meant to be it will. I used to hate that saying but the more I look at life I kind of get it now. Think about the days you spend with your husband whether there's good or bad times, at the end you have each other. Some people don't have that...we can't keep trying to force the universe to do what we want it to do. We just have to step back and let it be. Love the life you live, live the life you love💫 many blessing stay strong

[articsnowfox]

Sorry to hear it didn't work. But maybe you should consider trying micronized DHEA for 3 months and then do another collection? I used it at the age of 42/43 and it really seemed to improve the embryo quality and i had my second baby at the age of 44. There is also really good evidence that it works: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/313...

I am a medical writer and my job is to analyse evidence and I do think that this study (which is actually an analysis of multiple studies) is really good evidence that it works

[articsnowfox in reply to articsnowfox]

I gave my leftover pills to a 43 year old friend who had recurrent miscarriages and was about to start IVF and she got pregnant after 3 months

[SB342 in reply to articsnowfox]

Can I ask what dosage you used? I agree that it really helped improve my egg collections, but I am wary of it having an effect on quality. It gave me terrible hair loss too, but I'm still thinking of taking it.

[Koala365]

Just stopping by to say I am so sorry to hear this. The two you have on ice can't be that bad quality or they wouldn't have been able to freeze them. I have never had a blastocyst that was good enough quality to freeze I don't think and they were still happy to do fresh transfers with them and told me that it didn't matter about the grade of the embryo, it could still implant and become a healthy baby. In your position I would either do another collection while you are still your current age and freeze any embryos you can freeze or just press on with your already frozen embryos before I considered looking into the donor eggs option. You might also want to consider asking for some of the tests for people who have recurrent implantation failure e.g. thrombotic risk profile, natural killer cells etc in case that is stopping your embryos implanting, before you press ahead with more transfers/cycles, as then they can hopefully find anything they find before your next transfer. I was told not to bother with the tests as my problems was clearly just old eggs but I ignored them and tested positive for MTFHR gene mutation and high levels of NK Cells and inflammation so they will treat me for those on my next cycle. If only I had known that previously!

[Ell493]

There's still plenty of hope, and time. I think you should consider a donor. We used one and I love my baby just as much as my genetic children. It's a huge blessing, also the quickest way to get a baby in your arms.