Advice please trying to get pregnant after TFMR? 💔

[Missionofendo]

Hi Ladies

Things have been hard after my miracle pregnancy from donor sperm via IUI baby was very Poorly and I suffered TFMR.

Then most recent IUI failed 😞

All the grief comes flooding back.

Doctor suggests embryo donation …..

I really don’t know what to do

Do you have any feedback or advice please ?

Thanks

Claire

[Twiglet2]

Hi lovely I’m so sorry to hear that 😢 is there any reason you can’t do IVF with your own eggs before try embryo donation? IVF/ICSI has a much higher success rate than IUI so might be a quicker road to success for you? Xx

[Missionofendo in reply to Twiglet2]

Morning thanks for your reply I tried IVF and transfer was first week of lockdown it failed sadly. Out of 5 only 2 fertilised and one to day 5.

Then I waited for about 15 months had an MRI on NHS to check endo hadnt come back and chose IUI and it worked.

It’s my age I’m 44 now

Chances I guess are really low for me 😞

Thanks x

[Twiglet2 in reply to Missionofendo]

Ah I see, I’ve heard of IVF where you go through the ivf egg collection process but also create donor embryos at the same time so that you a chance of using your own egg but also have the donor embryos as ‘back up’ so the risk of having nothing to transfer is greatly reduced and time saved. I wonder if you could ask your clinic about that? Just trying to think what might give you the greatest odds 🤔 donor embryos do sound like a good recommendation by your clinic though if you are comfortable with that choice. We used donor sperm and spoke with a counsellor before hand and it really helped get us comfortable with it first so perhaps that would help you? Xx

[Missionofendo in reply to Twiglet2]

Thanks so much I’ll Def ask them. I was already using donor sperm so that was a big deal for me as I’m doing this alone. I just would prefer to have my own eggs I’ll ask them and see what they say. Thank you so much for your help xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Twiglet2]

I know your loss must be totally devastating and I can’t imagine how hard that was but the small silver lining is its really encouraging that you fell pregnant though from IUI so your body is able to receive the wee embryo well xx

[Missionofendo in reply to Twiglet2]

Yes your right and I really thought it would happen when I last tried but previous month was very stressful I had my babies funeral.

The 2nd vile of sperm got recalled as other women used it and babies had heart issues.

I had to get more and the whole thing was incredibly stressful and upsetting as I was in middle of cycle injections etc.

It was a shock to get the negative result and it’s left me full of grief.

The grief never goes his ashes are next to me everyday. I think about him everyday.

I’m just in a hard place wanting to rush it due to my age and when the doctor keeps saying donor egg or embryo is best I’m just stuck.

It’s my dream to be a Mum as it is all of ours 🤍

Thanks for listening and also your advice

C x

[Twiglet2 in reply to Missionofendo]

Aww bless you that’s such a stressful time to add onto your heartbreak 😢 my heart goes out to you ❤️ You sound like an incredible person xx

another round of IUI or IVF with your own eggs may well have different results, although the docs are probably recommending the way with greatest odds, you need to do what you feel most comfortable with lovely xx

[Missionofendo in reply to Twiglet2]

Thanks so much your right I really appreciate your messages. Such a difficult time you don’t know which way to go xx

[Gempuddleduck]

I’m so sorry, I went through TFMR last year too. We are now using donor eggs and I dont know if this is an option for you but I’m happy to give any advice you want/need xxxx you can get through this 💕💪🏼

[Missionofendo in reply to Gempuddleduck]

Thanks so very much I’d love some help I’ll private message you x some days I’m stronger and others I’m feeling very stuck xx

[Hidden]

Hi Claire, I'm so sorry to hear about your experience and the loss of your beautiful son. I went through something similar. I got pregnant via IUI with donor sperm, thought it was meant to be but he too was very sick so ended in TFMR. Because I had been so lucky getting pregnant on my first IUI, I kind of expected it to happen easily again but it didn't. I had several more IUI's and then tried IVF and eventually got pregnant again at the age of 43. I carried him to term but unfortunately he wasn't well either and died shortly after birth. I have since been diagnosed as a carrier of a genetic condition that I wasn't aware I had. I know that sounds sad but the upshot is that I conceived twice in my 40's with chromosomally healthy babies apart from my crappy genetics. I'm also now 44 and trying one last time with my OE and using PGT testing for my condition. The doctors are realistic about my chances but also think it's worth a shot. So it's worth it for me to know I tried everything. If you feel you would like to try again then do it. Dealing with grief is so hard and going through more cycles layers it up too so go easy on yourself, you've been through a lot. I hope you have support around you and people/groups you can safely talk and get compassion from. Tune into your body which can be hard because it's nearly automatic that you disconnect from the physical grief but let it move through you as much as you can. You will always think of and remember your son but it won't always be so painful. Eventually the love you feel for him with outweigh the grief feeling. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do xx

[Missionofendo in reply to Hidden]

Your message was very moving and I can only thank you for your strength of sharing this with me.My heart goes out to you it’s such a hard thing to go through but even more so using donor sperm and doing it alone.

Thanks for your kindness and also giving me hope.

Right now I don’t know which way to turn but I know soon I will.

What does OE mean ? I’m sorry I’m not familiar with this term.

I’m wishing you so much luck and positive success your an inspiration truly.

Thank you for reaching out it means so much x🙏🤍

[Missionofendo in reply to Hidden]

Are you using own eggs OE? Is that via IVF again?xx

[Hidden in reply to Missionofendo]

Thank you for your lovely words. Sorry yes OE is own eggs as opposed to donor eggs and it is through IVF but with pre genetic testing, where they have to test the embryos for my genetic condition before transferring any that don't have it. I am giving myself every chance through a clean diet and supplements and also with the mind, body, spirit connection. I believe that it's not just about the physical too. I probably will try with donor eggs if this next IVF isn't successful though. It is tough doing it alone but I think that means that I've been proactive in finding support whereas others might just rely on their partners to get them through. Baby loss can be so lonely and isolating in general so I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I know only too well that you sometimes feel it's never going to get better and you'll never feel 'normal' again so just know that it does get better. I really hope you get clarity soon on which way to go, just tune in to your gut instinct if you can find it (I found it so hard to trust my instincts in the midst of grieving) and know that whatever you choose will be the right decision for you xx

[Missionofendo in reply to Hidden]

So sorry to hear of your genetic condition that’s a worry for you.Your words are so strong I really hope to feel that strong soon.

I mean it was a leap to try again for me as hospital told me to try again within 3 months which sadly didn’t happen.

So 4th month after I just thought it would be fine and then it didn’t work and it’s set me back abit.

I’ve got a week off to Cornwall first week of May and I think I’ll chose after.

Ideally I’d prefer IUI try again less invasive than IVF.

I’m also eating very clean something I didn’t do during last cycle due to stress, stress Of sperm being recalled. Stress of organising my late babies funeral.

I’m sure you understand 💔

I’ll private message you it would be great to stay intouch I’m so happy to have met you via this amazing website 🙏🤍

Staying positive for you x

[Hidden in reply to Missionofendo]

That really is a whole lot of stress on top of a cycle, you poor thing! Absolutely please do and I think that's a great idea, Cornwall is so beautiful. See if you can find a bit of comfort there and take some of the stress away. This website if fab, women are awesome when they come together in a community!