Please feel free to skip as there is sensitive content.
I know this should possibly be in a different group but I feel it’s more relevant for those of us who struggled to get where we are.
I know that those of us who get to the point of being able to say “yay! It’s worked! We’re pregnant ” are very lucky. Not in any way disputing that for the record. Nor do I wish to upset anyone so apologies in advance if I do.
But….
Has anyone else struggled with their emotions after they shared their pregnancy and then someone else shared theirs and you then felt like shit? Or are constantly compared to their pregnancy and therefore don’t feel like your pregnancy got a minute to exist before it was “old news”?
For perspective, I shared my pregnancy and the comment I got back was “congratulations you’re the same as X!”
Or is all of this just me having too many insecurities and being a dick?
Thanks in advance 💕
Written by
kelsbels88
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You can feel anyway you need too! Not only do we endure this journey we then think it “working” is the end of the journey ERM I’ve come discover it’s not the end of the journey it’s just the start of another. However grateful and blessed we feel it’s still ok to feel poop or emotional or any other way.
I’ve waited 8yrs for this precious little one but I’ve had the most miserable pregnancy so far (I feel bad for even typing that). I’ve got hyperemesis and I’ve been bed ridden since Christmas and had to go to hospital.
So whilst I feel so so lucky to be in this position I just can’t enjoy it right now. I’ve just been put as high risk for preterm labour for another medical reason and I am beside myself 😩
So Kels feel however you need to feel 💗
And if this seems insensitive to anyone I am sorry but this is what I am going through.
Please don’t feel awful, I can tell you already feel emotional about your journey and as you said we are so lucky to be in the position we are but sometimes it’s not all plain sailing like it’s made out to be on occasion. Grateful almost doesn’t cover it. Please look after yourself and I really hope you feel better soon.
I hope you feel better soon fudge 🤗 I know a million people will have said this but I really is all worth it in the end and you forget about the sickness somehow the instant they are born (good old Mother Nature lol) xx
I think everyone feels different when pregnant (IVF or not) but I think what we’ve been through defo heightens everything! I was actually glad when the attention was off my pregnancy (I didn’t announce until 16 weeks) and onto others as I was so paranoid something would go wrong and every time someone talked about it excitedly it made me more paranoid for some reason 🤷🏻♀️ I defo think the journey to get to pregnancy can make us feel quite strange when it works especially as we have so many expectations of what pregnancy will be like (obviously exactly like the movies 🤣🙈). There are quite a few resources online to help with different pregnancy feelings- I felt kinda the opposite to you so I don’t have any particular ones to recommend but there are loads of things to help your pregnancy mindset. Hopefully you know the other person who is pregnant and can share some of the journey together? When baby is born it’s SO useful to have someone else going though the same stages as you to talk to as there are so many ‘unknowns’ lol wishing you a happy rest of your pregnancy 🤗 xx
This journey is not easy I watched so many of you lovely ladies from the background before my IVF part of the journey started and saw the positives that then sadly turned to negatives I was petrified to share at all but because I have a risk assessment in place it was easier to tell than to not tell otherwise I think I’d have kept it as long as I could!
Sadly I know the other person but we do not get along and are not speaking. Unfortunately you can’t get on with everyone.
I had one announcement the week before and one a week after both where they are one their second and both having theirs the same month but before ours did take away some excitement but not as much as hyperemesis. We had our scan and midwife was like there’s the heartbeat and I’m great where’s the sick bowl 😂🙈
Oh no I’m sorry to hear about your sickness that’s a bummer.
It’s funny because I’m not someone who likes the limelight so I should be ecstatic 😂 but it wasn’t until it happened that I realised it felt like she took precedent and I had been pushed to the back burner so to speak.
Oh well as the therapist says I can’t change it I just have to deal with it and move forward.
Thank you for sharing and I hope you feel better soon 💕
Although I haven’t been pregnant (yet) I completely get where you’re coming from. IVF and it’s success is the centre of our worlds and for someone to brush off the fact that it’s worked no compare it to someone who got pregnant naturally really sucks. Youve been through so much to get pregnant and then someone else tells you that they’re pregnant too without needing IVF must be hard. Sending you lots of love and know that you’re not alone and we’re all here for you xx
Firstly sending you lots of baby dust because it is truly special when you finally get it although followed by worry. For me I found/find that although I get/got moments of worry the joy of the fact that it had happened always outweighed the worry. Keeping everything crossed for you 💕💕💕
Hey Kelly, this does not surprise me one bit. I have learned that people don’t always see pregnancy the same way as you and it is very common to compare your pregnancy to someone else’s.
I have had amazing support from some people but others have made a range of insensitive comments.
I will just hold on to the fact that you have your miracle baby and this baby is in great hands x
It’s true, some just don’t get the struggle and straight away compare you. I’m trying really hard to get through it especially as it’s not just me I need to worry about anymore.
I still feel a bit emotional almost 6 years later. We had a mmc at 12/14 weeks then my sister in law found out she was pregnant by a man she’d had an affair with behind her partners back and all of a sudden her news was the best news in the world.
She’s since gone on to have 3 more and had them all taken off her!!
We then went on for our second round of icsi, it worked, we got to 12 weeks and all was fine, then my brother in law who had literally just started seeing a woman who happened to be still married, albeit separated, with 4 children already, said they’ve just found our she’s pregnant, apparently her coil fell out and this pregnancy was not planned.
I still to this day think they were full of shit!
We are currently a year into our next try for a sibling for our miracle daughter, 3 failed transfers so far and the brother in law has a 1 year old and a baby due next month. The baby due next month apparently was conceived after he had the snip.
We haven’t spoken to them for years now but keep being informed of what’s going on in their life.
I keep asking myself why won’t it happen for us, although I’m the same age as her I’m so much more fit and healthy.
Life is so not fair 😭
I think is completely normal to feel a whole range of emotions. Hormones fly all over the place before during and after pregnancy xx
I’m so sorry about your MMC. Thank you so much for replying.
There is something so I just with the world and as a lot of us have said before at different times people who don’t struggle don’t get it and just spout insensitive shit without realising the damage it can do to the person receiving it.
The person I’m being compared to is saying things that don’t add up to me but we are not talking so everything I hear is via other people which obvs you have to listen to with half an ear as could not be true but for what I do know with what I’m hearing things don’t add up and that’s what’s frustrating. There’s also the thing of she’s been with the company longer but is a busy body so is in everyone’s business and flouts the rules when she likes.
Anyway on a happier note it will happen for you and I send lots of baby dust 💕💕
Honestly, the mmc is probably the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life and I’ve not been the same person ever since. I know who my true friends are since that happened and other people I just tolerate if and when I see them. I’ve read your other replies about not using social media. I didn’t either, I wanted those who were close to me to share my little miracle.
Enjoy every single minute of your pregnancy. Embrace your baby bump. Be thankful for every kick you feel. And cuddle your baby as much as you can when he/she is born.
It’s such a special time for you right now so don’t let anybody make you feel like shit.
I also told everyone that my baby was conceived through ivf and my journey had been an emotional one.
This was not only so people could understand how special my pregnancy was but to also make people aware that sometimes it doesn’t happen naturally. And it’s ok to talk about it. And it’s more common than anyone would think it is.
And proof that ivf does work.
I wish you a happy healthy pregnancy. You deserve it xx
I understand how you feel and I think it’s good to air it, I’m sure most on here will be supportive as we’ve all been through tough journeys. 3.5 years, 3 natural miscarriages a TFMR at 21 weeks and three rounds of IVF so so grateful, that I’m now nearly 21 weeks but still so worried and anxious. One of my best friends is 7 weeks and keeps telling me how nervous she is, how bloated she is, what a worry the whole thing is and I can’t help thinking ‘know your audience’ ha ha then feel really bad about it but I think we’ve all been on tough journeys and should be able to feel how we want too (they just don’t have to know 😊) xx
I get this so much. I remember when someone I used to be friends with got pregnant first month of trying she compared her false negative with my 3yrs of trying (not the same) she could never understand why I emotionally pulled away and retreated into myself. Her sickness was bad I agree but she milked it when at work and it was myself who had to pick up her slack and listen to her constantly complain. I remember always thinking about how much I would have loved to be in her position even if I got the sickness.
This journey is tough and I wouldn’t have been able to do some of it without this amazing community to springboard random questions on.
Congratulations and lots of luck I’m about 6weeks behind you 😉 xx
Ahhh I hope time flies for you, the wait can be so tough! People don’t understand but good for you for doing what was needed with this friend just a shame it had to get like that, I think if others just took the time to put themselves in our shoes they would begin to understand even if it was just a little. We’ll you are on your way and sending lots of luck back 😊xxx
no I hear you. I felt terrible when I found out my cousin was pregnant and more than likely going to announce it at our Xmas do when I planned to announce mine... she announced it the day before in the end so I got to have my moment feeling like a normal pregnant woman making the announcement.
My other cousin dropped a bomb on Xmas day last year that she was expecting though and even though I'd had babe, still felt unfair and she casually dropped the same message on Xmas day again this year... naturally conceived 4th child. Still feels unfair. I have quite a bit of resentment and hope that oneday it will all pass.
Your pregnancy is special regardless of anyone else being pregnant, you value it more than anyone else that hasn't had difficulties in this area. You are amazing mama ❤️ Feel however you feel and don't feel guilty, this has been a tough enough journey as it is xxx
Hi I completely get the resentment and I think that’s what I have at the moment I’m just really struggling to work through it especially as she’s constantly making a point of doing things she isnt meant to do but seems to get away with anyway etc. I just don’t like her. She’s said she was my friend and was there for me but acted completely the opposite questioning me about things that were private and none of her business especially when she hadn’t spoke to me in 6months she then just come up to me questioning a work risk assessment that she “guessed” I had.
I hope I can be an amazing mum and not pass on all these insecurities. I hope my child is outgoing and no nonsense lol 😂
Thank you for replying and congratulations on the little one 💕💕
your bubs will be amazing. you need to weed out that 'friend'. I've just be blunt with her if she says anything else, sure she will get the point. You just enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can, and don't feel guilty over any of your feelings. This has been damn hard, you feel, however you want to feel, you deserve that ! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much lovely I don’t know what I’d do without this forum probably be rocking in a corner somewhere lol 😂
It has been bloody hard I remember crying in bathrooms because eod my endo thinking I would ever get to this point whilst dealing with the pain at the time.
I have essentially done that with this person I decided enough was enough I’m just waiting for the next comment, as so far we stay out of each other’s way. Other than when she deliberately comes into my classroom which she’s not meant to do because of her individual risk assessment 🧐 to make small talk with my teacher knowing I’m there to get a reaction (good luck) but I plan to be as blunt but professional as possible 😉
Thank you so much 🥰💕💕
Ps don’t buy the tests try and just enjoy the 2ww knowing that you are pupo 😊😉
Its completely ok how you feel... I found that people who dont struggle with fertility its just a completely normal thing to have a baby and has no idea what you have been through to get there...
Your baby is much more special than others, your baby is a little miracle... ❤
I know its not the same but i had the same after i had a miscarrige just before christmas... i told a few people and the reaction was that it doesnt matter, lots of people had that before its a common thing... etc... Like my baby was just a number nothing else... 😪 these comments really hurt me and made me upset and was sitting inside me for a long time how insensitive people are... (suppose to be your close friends...)
When people havent been through what you have been, they have not a slightest clue how upsetting is when they say something like that...
Please dont feel bad feeling how you do, you and your baby are very special...
I wish you a wonderful journey with your pregnancy and your little miracle... ❤
Thank you so much for your words they really resonated.
Why are people so insensitive when it comes to miscarriage honestly I don’t understand it!? Sometimes to the point it’s just rude.
People just don’t get what this journey is like. I’m trying not to feel bad or guilty but I keep trying to remember how lucky I am to be in the position I am.
I wouldn’t say your being a dick - people deal with things in different ways.
We told very few people we were pregnant, I had move departments at work, my new department knew as it was obvious but my old department didn’t, I have people contacting me from my old department to ask if it was true as to what they had heard, I said yes, by that time I was well into my third trimester.
I think if you share news like that you always need to be prepared that someone will up stage you, that will always happen.
I didn’t particularly care that a lot of people didn’t know, we told the people we wanted to know.
Got what it’s worth my husband didn’t tell his work until a couple of weeks before she was born, other people are still finding out and she’s 7 weeks old 😂
There are people who don’t know and I’m not in a rush to tell them especially if I don’t want them to know. In some ways I wish I had dragged it out longer but I work in a school and gossip flies so I think some knew before I told them.
I agree, you will always get upstaged with this kind of news and that I was kind of ready for but I thought I’d have more than a couple of weeks before I become “old news” and was brushed under the carpet.
Haha I may have some people who won’t find out until after their born as I have made it very clear I want nothing on social media so there was no fb announcement or anything like that, it’s all word of mouth, I’m a bit old fashioned lol 😂
We didn’t post it on social media either! For many reasons, we arn’t ones to put our life’s story on FB and secondly I think tbh it is incredibly insensitive from the point of view, there could be someone on your profile who is struggling and on the IVF route.
Apart from family no one on my FB knew we were doing iVF
This is it! I dont share loads on there anyway but I work in childcare and my thought was I don’t want my little one there before it was their choice to put themselves in the world.
I was happy for people to know everyone I told I said I’m happy to share but I do not want anything on social media. It did encourage people to reach out via msgs etc off of socials.
I haven’t decided if I will do a written post announcing them when born but there will be no photos.
Yes!!!!! That’s why I won’t post them!!! I work in childcare so know this from safeguarding it was the one thing I knew for certainty I didn’t want even long before I got pregnant.
It’s like I didn’t tell anyone for ages first ppl we told were our parents after the viability scan. I had a drink to look normal then hubby swapped out the alcohol anyway I told my in-laws they were like “I knew it!” How!? How can you know something your not told?? I hate that phrase I have replaced my relax ttc phrase with I knew it my pregnant phrase. 🤬🤬 😂
I may not - I’m not a socials poster I don’t post my life. Will post holiday pics etc but I don’t know my baby seems a step too far for me, that is not against anyone who does my step sister did but I don’t want them or any mention of them on social media if I can help it. 🙈
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