So I’m on the donor egg road, which I have now fully excepted and feel in a good place about it all, however the one thing that has always worries me is if I am ever lucky enough to have a successful pregnancy how do you cope with the comments of ‘oh doesn’t (baby) look like his dad’ etc and not yourself being able to have those comments said to you. I think it’s played on my mind recently as my SIL’s 9month old looks like both of them which is clear to see and everyone always comments about the likeness to both parents, and it’s made me worry that no-one would be able to say that about my baby.
I know I’m being daft, but it’s the question that I ponder about most now. So if there are any mums on here who have had a baby through donor eggs I’d love to hear how you handle these sort of comments and how you feel x
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I'm not in the same boat but I didn't want to read and run. I was raised with three sisters, only my little sister and I share both the same parents, we also have a sister from my mum and another from my dad. We were all raised together though and thinking back, we always say how weird it was that everyone said the oldest looked like our dad, and the next one down looked like our mum but they weren't blood related. Also I told a girl at work once how much she looked like her mum, only for her to confide that her mum adopted her so they weren't blood either. My nephew is also being raised by a man not his biological dad but everyone says how much he looks like him. So I think It's family mannerisms and expressions that make a lot of how alike you are too, as soon as your babu starts to copy your expressions and the way you talk I bet it'll be the other way around I am wishing all the best for you going forward and know your little one will be so loved and lucky to have you as a mummy. You're going to love them so much and raise them and be there in the good times and bad and that's what makes a mum Everything crossed for you this time xxx
You are not alone, I too worry about this. We haven’t started the donor journey yet but it is our next option. There is a donor family network that might be able to give you some support, are you aware of it? dcnetwork.org
Hi Baby2016, I can totally understand how you are feeling and it’s natural to feel those things, but I agree with KittyK that it really won’t matter what your baby looks like, the fact that you have a baby and you carried to full term with your blood running through him/ her makes him more yours than anyone’s! As you know I have a biological son already, it’s not often over the last 7yrs that people have said he looks like me to be honest, they mostly say he looks like his dad! So even with a totally biological child they may not look similar to you. Now we are planing the donor egg route for our second and thought similar thoughts when I pick my son up at the school gates with the other mums, in most of the kids I can see no similarities at all, even when I see the dads on occasion. The feelings of love and devotion to your child will totally overcome any other niggling feelings like that- I can assure you. I’m sure other women of donor egg babies will say a similar thing, I know they have on other groups I’m on. I was worried that one would be biological and the other not, but the dream to build our family is far more important. Wishing you all the best. X
My twins are nearly 8 and from one egg donor. My FET was unsuccessful from that cycle. I then had another cycle different donor and got my dd2. However none of the other embryos made it so, when I wanted another it had to be another donor.
Tbh people occasionally say how my kids don't look like each other but don't really say they don't look like me. I was very open with my journey tho.
I do sometimes get twinges when someone has a mini me child but I wouldn't swap any of mine for anything. And as I am now a single mum I think people just assume different dad's rather than egg donors - if they think about it at all.
Good luck on your journey. It is worth every minute.
I worried a wee bit about this when faced with the decision to move over to DE. All I could think about was my baby wont look like me. However after chatting everything through with my hubby, he pointed out that him and his sister look nothing alike and she is nothing like her mum, complete opposite in fact, skin, hair, looks etc.....I would never pick them out as mother and daughter. My best friend has 3 kids and they look nothing like her, she has dark hair, dark skin, brown eyes....they are blonde, fair skinned and blue eyed. We have friends that had a baby using double donor and I can honeslty say when she was born she looked like her mum and seeing her grow up she is more like her mum all the time with her little personality traits, I think this is more down to nurture as she maybe doesnt look too much like her now however I dont think if I didnt know already that she used an egg donor.....just dont think it would cross my mind. They havent looked back as parents!xx
Hi there, just wanted to fully endorse these comments... same here, have friend with twins from egg donor who look like the dad (biological father) but the mum also gets told they look like her. Mimicry of facial expressions and attitude contribute to the "look alike" result. Another friend with a biological son and daughter from DE told me she was worried about the 'look' issue before having the girl (even cried about it when hearing she was pregnant with a girl, thinking she would not look like her), but then as she was born that played no role at all, and she also ended up having a similar personality to the mum... my friend told it really was not an issue at all, in spite of her fears. I hope this is reassuring and all the best! xxx
My baby girl is DE and is the image of her dad but strangely i like that she’s so like him , a few people have said she looks like me too.
I have friends who have had babies naturally who look the image of their dad aswell xx
From my knowledge of donor eggs you can choose a donor who is broadly similar to you, especially hair colour, eye colour, etc so there is a good chance they will look like you. In the families I know that opted for donor eggs, you couldn’t really not tell the whole family isn’t 100pc biologically related. Donor eggs are something I’m definitely considering at the moment too, due to being over 40, and it may be my best chance. Hope you start to feel a bit more reassured about this choice!
Its something my wife used to say, have you had counselling about using a donor? I don't think we could have done it without it, it really opened our eyes to things we hadn't even thought about.
I'd also say once you have a BFP and have a bump growing inside you, see the scans of heartbeat and the little one inside you, you honestly wont care about your own feelings, everything becomes about your baby. She's 33 weeks at the moment and questions what other people think or say will be NOTHING. You grow a baby inside you for 9 months and give birth, its yours.
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I am wishing all the best for you going forward and know your little one will be so loved and lucky to have you as a mummy. You're going to love them so much and raise them and be there in the good times and bad and that's what makes a mum 
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