Help and support

[Dreamscometrue1]

I’m not sure if I’m here to rant, get things of my chest or just need some reassurance. Short story is I decided to have a fertility test in July as I’m single and 38 and all I have every dreamed of is having a baby like most of you on here I guess. My AMH levels came back very low. Quickly moving on I’ve had two rounds of egg collections since and got 5 and 7 eggs which my consultant has classed as a miracle. I was due to another round of egg collection this month and do a FET but I can not find a DS for love nor money. My CMV is negative which is limiting my opinions. I’ve had to cancel my treatment and book in for next month but I might have to cancel that as well. My head is spinning and I’m struggling to sleep and concentrate. Just looking for comments or peoples experience please xx

[IVFat40]

Hello hun, I'm so sorry you're facing this, which must be incredibly frustrating! I also used DS, it feels so unfair you're having to deal with this shortage (presumably because of the pandemic). I expect you've looked everywhere and tried all the options, but just in case I thought I'd check if you'd tried Cryos International (they're the provider I use and they ship to the UK pretty easily).

[Dreamscometrue1 in reply to IVFat40]

Hi, thank you for taking the time to respond. I have looked at that site but they didn’t have pictures for many of them but will definitely try again.I think it’s due to covid but also because of my CMV. There are lots more options for people who are positive

[Seren0119]

I also recommend Cryos.

One message of advice - try not to overthink the donor. I spent months over-analysing, paying more for photos, and obsessing that I had to get the 'right' person. I was so scared I would make the wrong decision and impact my baby's life forever.

In the end, I went with someone without a photo who had written a nice letter. Actually, the photos made it worse as I was constantly thinking "I would never pick this person for myself" - when actually, we have no idea who they really are. All that matter is that they are healthy and have good sperm x

[Dreamscometrue1 in reply to Seren0119]

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. I’m not to over think it but you are so right. All that matters is that it’s good and they are healthy xx

[Bella_Bee]

Hey hun, I feel you. I'm 38 and went through what you did last year. Unbelievably my first fresh transfer worked after a disastrous first round of IVF in December 2020 and I'm now 32 weeks. I went with an American sperm donor company called xytex. Not particularly expensive, easy to deal with, many had had extensive genetic testing, long profiles and lots of pictures, including adults. Like someone else said above try not to focus too much on the pictures though. I went for an open donor, average looking tall guy with extensive genetic screening, good education and lovely letter. I discovered them because my london IVF clinic had an existing link to them otherwise I'd have never found them. Be mindful of the fact that most clinics often need these links and won't accept sperm from any company so check first. Good luck and keep us posted. Feel free to PM anytime for support. Xo

[Dreamscometrue1 in reply to Bella_Bee]

Hey, congratulations on being 32 weeks!!! It’s so nice to here positive stories from people in similar situations.I checked which companies had links with my clinic first cos I’m so worried about getting this part wrong. I think this has been the hardest part so far.

Aww thank you, I might just do that xx

[Twiglet2]

We used donor sperm (European sperm bank) and my CMV was negative but I used donor who was positive. Healthy baby boy and I was fine too 👌🏻 I read up on it and risk is very minimal I just had to tick a box to say I was comfortable with that and apparently it’s a common choice a lot of ladies make to just go with CMV + 🤷🏻‍♀️ The way I look at is millions of people get pregnant with their partner every day with neither of them knowing their CMV status….We probs would have been searching for a LONG time if we were also looking for CMV negative but the actual health of the donor and characteristics were much more important to us personally. Little boy looks nothing like me or the donor btw 🤣 although is very much like my brother so in the end the photos etc meant nothing 😂 the great health history of him and his family is really what sold the donor to us though. Hope you find a suitable donor soon xx

[Ladybugluck in reply to Twiglet2]

Similar story for me! I’m CMV negative as is my wife and our known donor is positive. We each had a healthy baby with his sperm! Especially with IVF, there’s really no documented risk that I could find because your body never comes in contact with the sperm, only the embryo ( as opposed to IUI which again I didn’t see much documented risk here either but in theory you could become positive from the Sperm although some say the washing that happens for IUIs cleans it). Long story but I didn’t find out he was positive until after I was pregnant and had a good freak out about it but my drs were very reassuring that it was ok.

[Twiglet2 in reply to Ladybugluck]

Yes we had IUI before IVF and I found the same the risk was practically non existent for IVF and minimal for IUI but we proceeded with both xx

[Dreamscometrue1]

I’ve had that exact same conversation with my family, if you are with a partner you wouldn’t know all these types of things.My clinic have been very clear I should only pick CMV negative.

Thanks for your story, like the ones above they have all helped xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Dreamscometrue1]

So strange your clinic was this assertive about the situation! Our clinic is NHS and private and the were absolutely fine with either and explained we might want to look for CMV negative but it was completely our choice. Could you ask them for more info on why they have this position considering it’s clearly not a UK wide standard? It seems to be really limiting for virtually no reason xx

[Dreamscometrue1 in reply to Twiglet2]

I have spoken to my clinic a couple of times as I am struggling to find someone but they insist I should get a negative so I don’t put the baby at risk.I will definitely speak to them again tho xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Dreamscometrue1]

Yeah I would probably ask what ‘risk’ they are talking about to the baby and why they differ from other clinics on this if I were you, there is enough waiting in this journey without this adding to it for you xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Dreamscometrue1]

Ps I totally admire what you are doing and I’m routing for you 🤞🏽🤗 xx

[Dreamscometrue1 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you so much. We are all brave on here. Just trying to make our dreams come true xx

[Kt8e21]

Hi.. I was in your position.. single and looking for a donor who was CMV negative. My clinic would only let me use certain companies too and needed me to buy 7 vials.. which made it even harder!

Because of the CMV status I found that the choice was very low and non existent in the UK as I wanted them to look like me slightly. I found a few donors on European sperm banks website and ended up messaging them to see if any would be coming in stock.. this was in November and they said one was becoming available between Xmas/new year.. so I ticked the box to get notified when he was available. He became available just before Xmas (earlier than expected) and by time I got on website he’d sold out.. I was devastated.. I thought I’d missed out but he became available the next day?? So I bought what I need quickly and they have now been delivered to my clinic this week.

I’ve since looked and some others have become available that I would’ve enquired about. Maybe more donors coming available now lockdowns are easing?

I did look at Cryos but could never find the filter for CMV status like European sperm bank has so just looked through everyone and made all ones CMV negative a favourite then looked through them all. It is time consuming but worth it.

My advice would be to keep on checking the sites regularly for new donors and if you like any in particular message them to see if they will become available.. but maybe not set your sites on one like I did as I was really upset when I thought I didn’t get him!

Wishing you all the luck that you find your donor soon!

[Dreamscometrue1 in reply to Kt8e21]

Hi, Wow 7 vials!!! That’s quite a lot. I have been asked to get 2

I’ve looked at the site you mentioned but they only at 3 people on there.

I did the same and set my heart on one, placed an order and then they told me that he had reached his maximum amount of families! He is still on the site now and I can’t understand why but hey ho.

Glad you find one as I know it must be such a relief. Good luck xx

[Kt8e21 in reply to Dreamscometrue1]

I think it’s because my AMH was ok they want me to try IUI first.. they want me to do 6 rounds but think I’m going to push to do IVF after 3 rounds of IUI as everything is so expensive and don’t want waste money on IUI if it won’t work!

Oh no that’s frustrating for you! the one I bought only had 1 UK slot left but he can still be bought in other European countries.. the US don’t have the limit I believe but my clinic wouldn’t let me use them for some reason.

[Dreamscometrue1 in reply to Kt8e21]

Yes maybe that’s the reason, due to the AMH levelI’m going straight to IVF as they have said that’s my only chance but it has cost a lot more than I thought it would so far

The clinics have to have links with the companies for some reason. I could only use about 4 different sites including their own which only had one person on it!

[Bella_Bee]

Just to add, I've had 3 IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF over 2 years and I'd never heard of this CMV thing.... 😅 I don't know whether to laugh or cry about this. Do I need to worry about this now in my third trimester?? 😅😅😅

[Dreamscometrue1 in reply to Bella_Bee]

That’s so weird as that was one of the first blood tests I had. I wouldn’t worry too much as long as your scans are showing everything is fine xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Bella_Bee]

Definitely not a worry! It’s only mentioned when using a donor so they don’t even care if you are using partners sperm. It was ‘mentioned’ to us and I remember ticking a box to say I was okay that my donor wasn’t negative and I was. When I did that the nurse said most women using donors do. From research IUI is a little more risky but IVF there was practically no risk. In natural conception couples never know anyway. I have a healthy baby with no issues 🤗 good luck with birth and arrival defo enough on your mind just now to worry about this lol xx

[Tap22]

I realise I'm a bit late responding, but if it helps, I was in the same situation and strongly advised to stick with cmv negative donors. Plus I had the likeness to my husband to consider, I was beyond frustrated, however I telephoned the London sperm bank who were amazing. They said they'd check sperm about to expire meaning reaching the end of the storage time (10 years) obviously as fresh as the day it was frozen. With that we had three donors to choose from. One thing to note however is that you are likely to be offered the final family slots and vial for these donors meaning the option for a number of vials or siblings may not be possible. Worth speaking to a person rather than be led by the websites though. Good luck x