5th FET, feeling pretty blue

[Maryc32]

Last Thursday I had my fifth embryo transfer, and I’m really struggling. I transferred two A Grade PGTA tested embryos, I’m 4dp5dt and tested this morning (because I’m an idiot) and got the faintest squinter positive on a FRER. I’m a serial chemical pregnancy’er, so faint lines can’t really be celebrated here. I’m already in the doom just waiting for it to go wrong. I think I can already feel my boobs smaller than yesterday 😢.

[bearblue]

Step away from your boobs. You’ll drive yourself crazy looking at signs. I know because that was me yesterday. I was in such distress because I had cramps and now their gone I’m thinking that too is bad. Though I haven’t been through what you’ve been through allow yourself to enjoy and be kind to you. You’ve done all you can do and what I should say is congratulations in the first instance because day 4 positive means a good thing. Try and take each step as it comes . I know you’re bracing yourself for the worst and that’s important to get you mentally strong but make room for maybe a positive outcome. You’re not an idiot for testing so early I’m on 4dp5pt too and all I’m doing is staring at the pregnancy test all day. I’ve had to hide it in a drawer to stop it but will test in a couple of days. I’m sending you all my best wishes though in the meantime.

[Maryc32 in reply to bearblue]

Thank you for your kind reply. I feel like a mad woman! It is very hard as with my chemicals I’ve had very strong symptoms which faded so I’m literally clinging and judging everything. Good luck to you too, x

[lawrins]

I just had my second FET two days ago. I found with FET that the progesterone made me really angry and impatient ☹️. I guess everyone reacts a little differently, as the oestrogen didn't bother me at all but I've seen others having a really hard time with it. My RE put in 6 embryos, two of which are supposedly "excellent," an 8-cell, no fragmentation, and a 6-cell, no frag and compacting. My lining went all the way up to an "optimal" 9. This whole process is pretty stressful. There's also such a lot of pressure, with so much riding on the outcome. We have pump all of this and the hormones' into our body. Yesterday, my hopes began to spiral downward. I had these embryos made when I just turned 44. My RE told me that I was "years away" from menopause, a great responder and my FSH levels were normal. Both my maternal grandmother and great-grandmother gave birth at 44. I should be optimistic. But I just don't. I feel that all this time, money, effort, pain, and years trying and trying have been a sheer waste. I've lost my faith in G-d. Yesterday, when it began to dawn on me that I may never have biological children, I took the elevator to our condo garage and lo and behold, who was standing there? A pregnant woman! If this doesn't work, I thought, what a sick and vicious cosmic joke. I'm so depressed. Just do what you need to do to get through it. Talk if it helps, have a rant on here, have a little cry, throw a spoon at your hubby. Remember it's all down to the hormones and it's temporary. I found my body got used to it and the incredible hulk rage settled down after a couple of days. So hang on in there and the very best of luck with you upcoming transfer xxx

☹️

[Maryc32 in reply to lawrins]

It’s so so hard isn’t it. The emotional aspect especially. I understand everything you’ve said I wish you lots of luck too. Take care xxxx

[lawrins in reply to Maryc32]

Yes, it is really very hard journey and thanks a lot for your warm wishes....😊😊😊

[LSandJ]

Im having a transfer of 2 PGTA tested embryos today!!! Congrats on your day 4 line (you can't have expected to see a solid line by now, I know you know that really!)

With your chemicals, had you lost the line by test day? Or later? (I had a really faint line last time on day 9 but it faded by day 13 test day. I didn't test before day 9, so no idea if it was darker before hand!)

Remember there is nothing you can do now and you will drove yourself crazy with symptom spotting (even if you have the symptoms it doesn't mean it has worked properly, and many people who have no symptoms at all go on to have healthy babies!)

So try to enjoy being pregnant and focus on what you can do. You can praise yourself everytime you eat something good for you. You can try pregnancy yoga or anything that makes you feel good. You can be pleased with yourself when you just take some you time and binge watch a series! Whatever you enjoy. But these are the only things you can control at the minute and that is what will help!

I know you will probably want to keep testing and see that line getting darker just for your reassurance! I'd do it every 2or 3 days so you can see the progression properly! If you do it everyday it might be more worrying?!!? I'm going to be in the same boat shortly so just wanted to throw my ideas out there and offer some solidarity!! Wishing you all the luck! X

[Maryc32 in reply to LSandJ]

Hey my first chemical was a test on day 8 and was very light and got lighter. My second I had a strong positive from days 5-9 then faded. Still trace on test day but not a lot. I’m 6dp5dt today and have a strong positive but other symptoms gone and feeling negative. Thanks for your kinds words. I went to walk round an arboretum today but then just went home and sat on my bed and been here panicking since

[LSandJ in reply to Maryc32]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that! We are so hard on ourselves and just make it so difficult! It's such a hard process and I can understand why you are worried with your previous. But you do have a strong positive which is amazing! And it's gone from slight to strong, so please see the positive. I would be longing for that!! Its funny how we can't even get excited for a strong positive, it just creates even more worry and anxiety! Maybe funny is the wrong word? It's so frustrating! I bet you want to be able to celebrate it! You are just afraid!! This time my wife doesn't want to talk to the embryos (we've always done silly little voices before) but she's afraid of getting attached this time!! However, if we DONT do that and it works, then we'd be gutted!! It's the unknown and waiting anxiously that is the worst!!! I hope you start feeling something soon just to put your mind at ease (although most people don't have any symptoms at this stage so please don't worry if you don't!) I just hope you do as it might make you worry less!!!

Good luck! Xxx

[LSandJ]

How you doing ATM Maryc32??

[Maryc32 in reply to LSandJ]

Hello! I’m ok thanks, still positive tests and it’s OTD tomorrow so this is a personal best for IVF still very anxious but I’ll find a way through. How are you getting on? Xx

[LSandJ]

I haven't tested!! No real symptoms (but I've had symptoms before and it didn't mean anything!!) Still unsure if I want to test early or wait!!!