*sensitive* anxiety after bfp

[Nala_01]

We’re in the 2ww of our 5th Ivf cycle, and got a bfp (tested early!) but I’m finding it so hard to be positive.

I’m sorry, I know I seem ungrateful for good news but I’m just so scared! My only other 2 pregnancies ended in a missed miscarriage at 9weeks.

I got my bfp 5 days ago and have become a POAS addict, I’m just sat here trying to make sure my “symptoms” haven’t gone away. Literally pushing my boobs every couple of seconds to make sure they’re still sore 🙈. I don’t have any other symptoms except feeling really tired and thirsty. I’m sorry, I know I should be happy, especially as I know how hard everyone in this community tries to get their bfp. Also I’m feeling little twinges on my lower right side - is this normal? In my last pregnancy I got pain in lower right side then went for a scan and discovered the mm.

Any advice on how to overcome the anxiety?

[HMKing]

I know your pain... I’m in exactly the same boat! Last year I lost a baby at 8 weeks and now just had a positive test (testing early) x it’s so hard isn’t it x

[Nala_01 in reply to HMKing]

I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️It’s awful! The whole process is just a huge lesson in patience, you have to wait for everything. My clinic book you in for a scan 5 weeks after transfer day which feels like ages away!

It’s just so hard to be reassured. I go from trying to watch the line go darker, to doing regular hcg checks.. and it only gives you piece of mind for about 5minutes.

[HMKing in reply to Nala_01]

I’ve been doing exactly the same! My clinic don’t organise any further care till a day before your 5 weeks. That’s the day you can ring in and say whether you are or you aren’t lol so let considering we know so much earlier. How many days/weeks are you now? I’m only 3-4 x

[Nala_01 in reply to HMKing]

I’m 9dp5dt and google puts me on 4weeks exactly today.. still a long way to go! I think you had your transfer 2 days? After me, we both had the fluid that thankful went away! I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with myself! The digital test said 1-2weeks yesterday so I guess I can wait a week and see if that goes up or just book a blood hcg test? I don’t think I can wait another 5weeks

[HMKing in reply to Nala_01]

I’ll definitely book private scans. I do that for my own sanity really. Yeah I’m so pleased the fluid went as well... that went on forever it felt. Luckily the progesterone cleared that up. My transfer was Friday 9th. Like you early days but we have this ❤️ x

[Marisa32]

Been there myself- after getting a faintest bfp with first response, I kept testing next 2 days with some cheap tests I had leftover. My line was not getting darker, in fact, on one cheap test there was NONE. I was sure it ended in chemical and took a shot of alcohol that night. That's how annoyed I was, and I don't even drink. 3 days later still no period, so I took a digital test that just arrived from Amazon to confirm my chemical and I almost fainted when it said Pregnant. Freaked out, went out to buy more First response tests with the line to see if it progressed to darker and it did. You would think I would be happy at this point but no...my anxiety only went up. Constantly googling symptoms, worrying I got blighted ovum like last time and since this was a natural pregnancy, after failed IVFs and IUIs, no scan until 7 weeks. Probably the longest weeks of my life and the only thing that helped me to get through it was keeping myself busy. I went skiing, took a trip to the countryside, started making sourdough bread, anything and everything to keep my mind off google. I'm 15 weeks now, still nervous at times but it's getting better each day. Twinges are ok, I think if you get severe cramps and bleeding that could spell trouble. Hang in there and good luck!

[Nala_01 in reply to Marisa32]

I’m so glad it worked out for you, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy ! ❤️❤️Thank you for the reassurance, hopefully I’ll calm down a little once I go back to work next week 🤞🏽

[Marisa32 in reply to Nala_01]

Work is definitely helpful. I'm a stay at home Mom to my 2 year old, so was going crazy without some mental stimulation during the 1st trimester. That must have been the only time, I seriously missed my old job!

[strawberriesandcream]

Congrats! I put a post on about a month ago looking for similar support...there are lots of useful suggestions on there so it’s worth a look xx

[Nala_01 in reply to strawberriesandcream]

Congrats on your bfp too! Thank you so much, I’ve had a look through and lots of great suggestions, will definitely be trying them ❤️

[Zebedee1971]

No advice but just to say I had two early miscarriages, both before 7 weeks, then 3 chemical pregnancies... When I got pregnant in September I messaged my best mate to tell her I was pregnant again, and as a joke said 'I'm currently taking bets on how long this one will last, I can offer 2 days, 1 week or half an hour?' she replied saying she'd like to bet on 9 months. When I said it to her, I genuinely believed this was going to be another failure and figured why not make it into something to laugh about... We're currently 12 weeks away from being a mum and dad. Just because all the others failed, doesn't mean all you'll ever get is failure. And ps: I was a boob prodder too! xx

[Nala_01 in reply to Zebedee1971]

What a lovely message ❤️ Thank you for reaching out, it’s honestly so comforting to know it does work out in the end. I’m sorry it has been such a long road for you, congrats on your pregnancy! Xx

[Rachel-1992]

First of all, huge congrats on your BFP!! I really hope it all goes well for you, especially after your previous experiences.I am in a similar boat, I'm currently 4 weeks + 6 days, and I conceived naturally just before I was about to start clomid! This is the first time I've ever been pregnant so whilst I've never had any bad experiences previously, I do know just how fragile these first couple of months are, and I'm equally excited and terrified.

My advice is to try and keep yourself away from Dr Google and try and take each day as it comes. And also posting on here for support is great too xxx

[Nala_01 in reply to Rachel-1992]

Thank you for your message, this community is so lovely ❤️Congratulations on your pregnancy too! I hope it all goes perfectly for you.

Dr Google is dangerous! Haha I’m a pharmacist and all my clinical knowledge just goes our the window and I I find myself googling “pain in bum” 🙈 xx

[ki50]

Congratulations on your bfp! I am feeling the same, not really feeling very different apart from sore boobs so keep prodding them to make sure they are still sore! Keep wondering whether to continue testing or just wait to viability scan and see what happens 🙈.. Can't decide whether to have my second vaccine either and if I don't, how to avoid going into the office because I don't want to tell work until further along... So many anxiety inducing things going on! But I do feel that knowing there are others feeling the same really helps... And Netflix bingeing for distraction! Wishing you all the the best x

[Bella_Bee]

Fcked if I know.. my friends and family know me a rational, logical person with a stressful job where I tell hundreds of people what to do and now I'm a nervous, anxious, googling mess! My last appraisal at work actually described me as "unflappable". Megalols! You should have seen how unflappable I was when I saw a bit of brown goo in my pantyliner!!! All hell broke loose. This may not sound very positive or enlightened or grateful or whatever you wanna call it but the only thing I've found remotely helpful is to expect the worst (putting aside psychotic episodes). I was lucky to have a few embryos to freeze so this whole time I have been telling myself it most likely won't work and I'll try again and making fun lists of things I'll do (mostly drunken seaside holidays) if this doesn't stick. A bit dark I know but it genuinely makes me feel better. Low expectations, low heartbreak. I'm 6+1 weeks today so still very very very early days. Best of luck to you! You got this 💪