Anxiety waiting for scan....

[Jldurham73]

So we have our BFP but it definitely has not been full of joy....it has just been full of anxiety. I hope this post doesn't upset anyone as I know I should just be happy to get a BFP. I just can't help but worry something is wrong. I was scheduled for my first scan tomorrow which got canceled due to inclement weather and now I have to wait almost a whole week. I have been having my betas privately drawn and they are as follows: 9dp5dt=385, 11dp5dt=1275, 13dp5dt=2417, 18dp5dt=12209 and 25dp5dt=54514.... I see that my numbers are going up so I don't know why I am so full of anxiety about this. I have been having period like cramps the past 6 days or so and it has sent me into a tailspin of bad thoughts. I guess I just feel like it is too good to be true and I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Infertility and ivf is such a hard experience to go through and not really thinking it is in the cards for you almost makes it take the joy away when it happens. I hope I don't sound awful, I am just being honest. I want this little miracle baby more than life itself and the thought of getting too happy and then losing her is something I cannot bear. I see so many stories ending in tragic sadness and it is hard to think mine will be a good one. Did anyone else go through these feelings of anxiety, fear and guilt? Sorry for the rant and like I said, it is not my intention to sound ungrateful for my BFP because I very much am, just worried is all.

[Hannakallas]

Hey, I know how you feel.

I first thought that the 2ww was a torture.. little did I know how anxious I would be after getting my positive result (5 days ago). Unfortunately my clinic is not doing bloods due to Covid so I am having to relay on daily pregnancy tests to reassure me that I'm still pregnant.

At least your blood levels are going up drastically, so that's a great sign!

I've also committed to going for acupuncture once a week, which gives me such a relief and I do feel much more relaxed after each session (that usually lasts a day until I start panicking again :D).

Wishing you all the best and I think it's only normal to feel anxious and terrified at the same time. We've had a tougher journey with IVF than normal pregnancies, so it's only given than we worry more xx

[EmyTW in reply to Hannakallas]

I'm the same, the wait until the scan is going to be the longest. My clinic don't do bloods either, so I'm relying on the clearblue digital tests with dates tracker. I think it's completely natural and warranted to feel the way you do - I am filled with anxiety this time around.X

[Jldurham73 in reply to Hannakallas]

Oh no! I can't imagine not having my betas done... that is the only thing that has kept me midly sane. I might look into acupuncture to help. Thanks for the suggestions.

[XOXO13]

Don’t apologise for how you are feeling. Whilst I haven’t experienced pregnancy after loss or with my IVF yet, I am in no doubt that it’s an incredibly anxious time and your feelings are valid. It’s natural to expect the worst when you’ve been through the worst.

Those betas look so strong, so keep reminding yourself of that. When you’re feeling anxious, take that anxious thought and turn it into a positive. Tell yourself that’s just my anxiety talking and it’s not worth my time.

I know that’s so much easier said than done, but it’s a little trick I try on myself when I find my thoughts running away without my consent!

Wishing you all of the best. Lots of strength and positive vibes 🤍💫 xxx

[Jldurham73 in reply to XOXO13]

Thank you. Yeah I am trying my hardest to tell myself it will be a good outcome and my numbers look good. Some days I manage better than others. Thank you for the kind words.

[ashbb]

I feel the exact same way. Had my scan on saturday and all is well so far. I'm 8 weeks. Don't feel much happier besides being able to tell a few family members and see how happy they are. I'm finding it hard to shake the impending doom feeling and just enjoy it. You're right though, when you've been through this process and been trying for so long, the anxiety doesn't just dissapear. Not sure it will for me until I'm really far gone or the baby is in our arms.My husband feels similar. Not scared at all to become a dad but scared for the pregnancy. Hopefully it shifts for us all. ❤️

[Jldurham73 in reply to ashbb]

I feel the same way... like until this baby is in our arms I won't be able to relax. I am going to speak to my obgyn (assuming I make it to graduate from the fertility clinic) and see what he suggests to ease the anxiety. I just dont want to worry and hurt the baby but I can't seem to shake these feelings.

[LuxFleur]

Hello, I am 5 weeks 5 days pregnant and I feel exactly the same way!

[Hidden]

Hey, this is completely normal. Before my 8 week scan i tortured myself, read all the worst case scenarios possible. Crying walking in for my scan and was blown away to be told we are having twins. I was on cloud 9 for a few days, couldn't believe it was real. That didn't last long, i have my 12 week scan tomorrow at 13 weeks, still barelt any symptons and im back to sleepless nights, obsessing something is wrong. The whole "feeling too good go be true" is something I've said a lot.I need to take my own advice here but forums often over represent the chances of bad news as it's were people come for support. There are many more positive outcomes that people don't write about. I'm sure you will get great news at your scan, it will soon be here so try and keep distracted woth whatever you can xx

[Missorla]

Hello First of all congratulations on your pregnancy! It's absolutely normal to feel anxious and I think many of us who went through IVF have/are experiencing the same! I initially was a wreck worrying that my pregnancy would turn out to be a chemical, then before the viability scan I was convinced they would find a blighted ovum. Before my 12 week scan I convinced myself they would find a MMC and now I am on to my next worry as I wait to have a Harmony test. I can't imagine that it will get easier as there are so many milestones in a pregnancy and at any point things could go wrong - although the mostly likely is that all will be fine. I think we can only take it 1 day at a time and try to enjoy the little moments. Wishing you a lot of health X

[hifer]

Yes!!! I’m going through exactly this now and don’t have the reassurance of the blood tests. I’m 6 + 1 and don’t know whether to go in for an early scan this week or wait for my booked one on Friday when I’m 6+5 and more likely to see a heartbeat if there is one. I’m sending myself mad with worry!! It’s so so hard and I’m totally with you xx

[Millbanks in reply to hifer]

😫

[Beatrix_K]

I know this post is from a few days back but I am going out if my mind with worry too.

I’m 5+1 today and just so anxious. I keep testing and now I’m scared my boobs aren’t as sore.. don’t know if i can make it another 2 wks til scan. I am reading all these tragic stories and I keep thinking that’s going to happen to me. I am not having bloods which doesn’t help... sorry, just needed to tell someone other than my OH how I feel. Xx

[M365]

This wait is so hard. I got my Bfp last Sunday and was so happy but that feeling has quickly been replaced with extreme anxiety. I hate myself for feeling this way when I just want to enjoy being pregnant. I don't really have any symptoms either which isnt helping! My clinic don't do blood tests so am waiting for our 6 week scan on Thursday which feels like a lifetime away!

[Jldurham73 in reply to M365]

The anxiety will definitely come and go.... each scan wait is still hard. I'm 33 weeks now and still have anxiety about her movements and everything but there are definitely times of just enjoying the pregnancy!!! Hang in there... all of it will be worth it when you have your sweet one in your arms. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!!!

[M365 in reply to Jldurham73]

Thank you for your reply and congratulations on your pregnancy!