Waiting for first scan - tips on killing the beast of fear?

[London7]

I was hoping someone out there might have some tips for me, as I'm a bit of a mess and having a really low day. I'm 5w plus 3 days. So just got that longed-for BFP after a round of ICSI last week. After years of trying it is my first pregnancy. And we had a pretty tough time during ICSI - I got OHSS amongst other things. I know I should be happy - that I'm one of the lucky ones to get a BFP when I know a lot of you are struggling with an unsuccessful round. So I feel guilty for feeling like this and posting at all. But the thing is, I'm not happy. That's because I'm too scared to be happy. I feel like this pregnancy is bound to be taken away from me and have convinced myself that a miscarriage is on its way. I work full time and am doing everything I can to distract myself but feel paralysed with fear. Every cramp and I start to feel like I can't breathe for fear. I know this is crazy and there is nothing I can do until my scan on the 21st. I can't stop a miscarriage and worrying certainly doesn't help but I can't stop. I just don't think I will cope when it happens. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you cope?

[Hormomalmess]

I know exactly how you feel. We have our first scan on 21 July too and until then I just can't relax and not even sure I will relax then.

I am currently in turkey trying to chill out but am worried the food/drinks/heat/suntan lotion and pool will make something go wrong.

Not much help for your request on how to cope but just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling like this xx

[London7 in reply to Hormomalmess]

Thanks for letting me know I'm not lone - awful to hear other people are suffering too but at least I don't feel like I'm going mad anymore! Ah, Turkey sounds great - surely food/drinks/heat/suntan lotion can only be good things and help!!

[Hidden]

Hi I can totally relate to this and live in fear still most days. I am 9 weeks tomorrow and still worry everyday that it will be taken away xx

[London7 in reply to Hidden]

9 weeks is quite far along though - that's fantastic! Your scan picture the other day was just great x

[Hidden in reply to London7]

Think just cause I am still bleeding and we are in the process of losing our smallest twin just makes us very nervous. Got another scan next week so will feel better after that xxx

[London7 in reply to Hidden]

Of course it does - I can't imagine how terrifying that must have been. I haven't, so far, had any reason to be concerned yet have still been. So it's a really tough thing you've gone through. X

[Rosalietea]

I'm know this is completely normal. The worries, the feeling of guilt because of the worry and lack of being overjoyed. Don't be hard on yourself. It's because it is so important to you!

I've felt exactly the same most of the time in between BFP and now. It was probably worsened by a couple significant episodes too (read my posts) but so far no bleeding or anything to indicate a problem so I just keep hanging in there.

I've found acupuncture helpful and the Zita West pregnancy relaxation, which is available on iTunes but other than that I'm just trying to be kind to myself, distract myself and enjoy myself. I've watched films that make me laugh, seen friends who know (I find talking about it helps) and sat in the sun a bit.

The thing I'm realising is that even once the first scan is out the way, the worry wont disappear. Our anxieties are heightened full stop so you'll worry between 6-12week scans and then probably after that. I'm really hoping each step there is slightly more reassurance and less worry but I think until we are holding healthy babies it is perfectly natural to worry. Even pregancies without all the preamble can be fraught with worry!

Stay as calm as your mind allows and look after yourself and your little one(s) xx

[London7 in reply to Rosalietea]

Thanks very much for your message - it is really reassuring. And I will have to try the Zita West pregnancy relaxation. Although (and I know this will sound completely ridiculous) I'm a bit scared to download or buy anything with "pregnancy" in the title, for fear the second I do I'll lose it (the way packing an umbrella on holiday will ensure it won't rain). I had a very superstitious grandmother and it has rubbed off on me! But I know - I need to get over that. X

[Rosalietea in reply to London7]

I know what you mean. I thought about buying a book but decided against for that exact reason. The relaxation thing is the only thing I relented on as I figured it could help things stick!! x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi London7. All quite natural feelings and fears, but hey, just another week or so until you get to meet that little "bean" of yours. So far, realistically, you haven't had any cause for concern, so keep busy, and be prepared to be amazed! Thinking of you. Diane

[London7 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks Diane. I hope you are right and our little one is still there and we get to meet him or her then. Just the very thought is making me well up a little!

[E8989]

I feel the same as you I am currently 5+4 and have to have another week I am so scared and have also convinced myself that I can't be this Lucky (prior to IVF have suffered 3 ectopics) my partner just says relax try not to stress but it's so easy for anyone to say that when what we are going through is all we have ever hoped and dreamed off 🙏 praying everything goes well for you hear if you need to chat xx

[London7 in reply to E8989]

Thank you - and ditto if you want or need someone to chat to. You have had a really tough journey - I'm sorry for all you have been through. I really hope that everything goes well for you too. And your partner sounds like mine - he keeps saying not to stress too but I agree - it is different for him! X

[Hidden]

I can relate! I'm 6 weeks today and have my scan on the 18th - it feels like an eternity away. The days seem to drag by so slowly and it's hard to focus on work etc. Haven't had anything to make me think it's over but that's always in the back of my mind...just want to make sure that there is someone in there & not just a trick my body is playing.

Hang in there ladies- we can do this! Xxx

[London7 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your response - not at all glad to hear you are going through the same thing but it is also a relief to hear I'm not alone! X

[Oakey80]

Ah London, I hear ya and I got til the 25/7 to wait! 😣😣😣 I haven't got any advice except to enjoy it and try and live in the moment. I've never been pregnant before so for me it's a relief just to know I can get this far (I'm 4w5d)...I don't know about your but I worry if I get symptoms and worry more if I don't!! I want to do another clear blue digital to check I'm now 2-3wks along but am too scared to 🙈...I'm off on an adventure next week...away on our camper van. We don't know where we're going but im hoping it takes my mind off things.

Anyway I hope your scan goes well as I hope the same to all of us with new bfp's....we got this!! xxx

[Oakey80 in reply to Oakey80]

I tell you which symptom can do one though...."morning" sickness. Mine started a couple of days ago in the afternoon. Starts straight after lunch until I get home 😩...waves and waves of nausea and lightheadedness. My sister says hers started at the same time in her 2 pregnancies and lasted for weeks! 😷😷😷

[London7 in reply to Oakey80]

Oh no re the morning sickness! But in a way it is a little reassuring? Like you I find whether I have a symptom (mainly tiredness) or don't, I worry. Basically nothing stops me! I have also been thinking about doing another clear blue digital to check it has progressed but am going to try and stop myself - as my appointment for my scan isn't until the 21st and if I find it hasn't progressed on a clear blue test there isn't much I can do about it but wait until that appointment anyway... your camper van adventure sounds like the perfect distraction! X

[Oakey80 in reply to London7]

That's exactly how I feel about the clear blue test. I want to know if it's good news but don't want to know if it's bad. I'm just going to make the most of the next couple of weeks as I can literally click my fingers and my dh will do anything lol! xxx

[Fredaflintstone]

I know I'd feel exactly the same - it's totally natural after all you've been through and don't worry about posting - when we get to your stage we will be comforted to think we are not the only ones who felt scared even after getting our bfp. I hope you can do some nice things over the weekend and that your scan comes around soon. Hopefully that will give you some peace of mind even though it won't settle your mind altogether. You probably feel like you don't want to take your eye off the ball just in case but I'm sure everything will be fine. Hope you feel a bit better for sharing your fears and knowing you aren't alone xx

[London7 in reply to Fredaflintstone]

Thank you - it is really kind of you to respond especially after all you have been through lately. I'm really hoping your next round is the one and that then we are comforting you that it is normal to be scared after your BFP. X

[Laura3101]

This is defo normal!! Im 14 weeks and I've had 3 scans so far, 7 weeks, 12 & 13 weeks and every time Im convinced something will have gone wrong but it hasn't, it's so hard to be over the moon when we are all aware of what can and does go wrong it's just a case of trying to think with a positive mind, I have another scan 2 weeks tomoz and already Im panicking & want one earlier ha ha cx

[London7 in reply to Laura3101]

Thanks - that's kind of reassuring but also terrifying to hear the fear doesn't end!! Congratulations too! X

[Laura3101 in reply to London7]

Yeah it's hard cause I wanna say oh after your scan you'll be fine but I would be lying ha ha I think it's about taking it In small chunks at a time- get to first scan, then to second and so on xx

[Linda78]

Hey - totally understand the worry, it drives you a bit (understatement!) insane! What has been almost reassuring is all my friends who conceived easily and did not have years of crap before it happened seemed to worry too - maybe not to quite the same extent but they were still very worried!

Am now 18 weeks and am afraid to say, like some others have, that the worry doesn't go away it just keeps changing annoyingly but even though I thought I wouldn't you do get through it bit by bit!

Wishing you all the very best - 'you are strong and can do this'...keep this on repeat along with a hypnotherapy cd - they are great for much needed respite from the whirring in your head! X

[bluewanderlust]

London, I too understand how you feel. I am 2ww plus 1 day with BFP and I am still in pain with right ovary. I feel I should be over the moon but I am constantly on google trying to work out what is wrong with me. Clinic do not seem overly concerned but I am thinking I now have ectopic or ovary torsion. I feel like I simply cannot enjoy this time until I have had my first scan which is on 31st. The thing for us is that if something did go wrong we cant just go and get pregnant again easily. For many of us it may have taken years of trying, losses, financial struggles, pain and tears. We are all here for you, just try to relax even though it is hard. Sending big hugs xxxx