I'm in my late 40s, most of which have been spent in an exhausting battle with miscarriage and sub fertility. I have a beautiful 6 year old boy for which I have longed to give a sibling, but natural conception is a ship that has now sailed. My remaining options are either IVF with donor egg or adoption. The first gives me a pregnancy and a lineage with the child's father, the second helps to fix the large age gap, including the one with my own age!
What are your thoughts?
How old are you?
I think you should discuss with a fertility doctor what are the chances in late forties with donor eggs. The eggs are important but not all. Also the pregnancy itself can be risky and have complications for the baby and you. I think you should learn about the real risks well then see if that fits you and the family you already have!
In your late 40s? No I wouldn’t consider another pregnancy due to health risks and how that could impact on your older child Egg donation isn’t something personally I’d be on board with but adopting also comes with its own issues and how it might impact on your current child and family dynamic - I don’t think it will be an easy decision either way
Hazyjayne... I am 46 and working with donor eggs now. My Dr won't give up until I'm 52 years old. If your donor eggs come from someone young, and you are in good health, you have a good chance. I'm certainly not giving up! Go for it!
Donor is a great option to consider, but it’s not always straight forward. For example our first donor transfer failed. The 2nd time we transferred two embryos to increase our chances of implantation but of course this increased chance of twins. Carry twins is risky at any age but over 40 even more so. We lost one of our twins before 9 weeks. I guess it depends on how important it is to you to carry the child & birth it yourself. On the other hand, adoption opens up so many possibilities. It also depends on how much time & money you have & how well you cope with stress. For us, from choosing the donor option to getting the positive pregnancy test, took us 18 months & about £15k. We went abroad, waiting lists in UK are very long. I don’t know what it takes with adoption. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about the donor route. Best of luck with your decision.
I’m in my late 40’s and can completely understand your predicament having also suffered several miscarriages which were heartbreaking, we went down the adoption route in the UK and got to stage 2 of the assessment process only to be told that because we have teenage children we are too busy for the needs of an adopted child....completely devastated by this as we were completely open in hearts, minds & lifestyle for an adopted child....I then suffered another two miscarriages which is not surprising due to my age but still devastating....have been on IVF egg donor for two rounds now with a clinic in Spain and am testing fr pregnancy tomorrow but not feeling confident as not feeling pregnant....it’s such a personal roller coaster and a journey and a decision you can only make for yourself as lots of people have been judgemental about my situation but unless you have been through such losses and had counselling support along the way, then no one can judge you. It’s your life and you have decide what you feel is best for you a LS either option can still be loaded with more emotional roller coasters. Wishing you best of luck xx
I am not sure how old your partner is but we have been told we are too old to adopt - I am 43 and my OH is 49 but this may vary by council I guess
I have been told UK clinics will do donor eggs up to 55 so you have time to think x
To old to adopt?
Yes, we have heard the same thing. We are 41 and 49.
My understanding is that there is no age limit to adoption in the UK unlike many other countries. Check out the gov website here gov.uk/child-adoption
There is actually an age limit and several other reasons they don’t exactly print but hint to during the adoption open day meetings.
Adoption is quite a big thing, it can take a long time
I’m 45 and holding my two month old son, an Ivf baby. It was not easy and I did three rounds of Ivf. From my second round, I got his embryo ... due to my age I had my 5 eggs (that survived) psg tested. His was 100% genetically. He was my o my transferred egg. Just sharing because everyone is unique, Ivf can work over 40, I’m proof!
Hi hazyjane, I dont think it will be an easier decision either way. Have you spoken to your Fertility specialist and what have they said about your chances of success? With me I was asked to continue with my own eggs and there should be one normal egg eventually. I am 41 now and have had 2 rounds of Ivf already.
We have set a date by which we would continue with trying and ivf but after that with no success we would go the adoption route.
Good luck with your decision I know it wont be an easy one xx
I spoke to the adoption agency way back in January. One thing she did say was that there had to be a whole year between IVF and applying for adoption. Something to remember if you do go down this route and be ready with an answer. I don't know how they can find out though when you last had IVF. Everything takes so long! My heart just fell. You can't even start with the basics.
Im trying with DE again in the spring and see how I feel again, but definitely wouldn't rule out adoption. Good luck! Xx
I don’t know about other places but in the uk they would know about your last ivf as you have to be sincere and give a full disclosure plus besides your references they need to contact your GP and there is a very detailed form which asks you everything under the sun including how many siblings you have and how many they have plus health conditions.If you have recently gone through IVF or been bereaved yould be asked to take a few months off to be kind to yourself and be better prepared emotionally.It’s take about 6months from start to finish to adopt a child.My little girl was 23weeks 2 days and her twin died at birth we were in hospital for 14months in NICU then ICU before she gave up.No agency would give me a child if i applied as am dealing with mutiple losses and undergoing my last Ivf cycle.
I'm so sorry for your losses, you've had such a hard time. How are you doing? I guess I was quite naive in thinking it would be straightforward. Thanks for the info. Xx
You sound like a warm person thank you for sharing in my loss.For you it might be more straightforward am just posing scenarios of how it went forth for me.They very seasoned workers and bleed you for everything not just the basics so be 100% sure you want to start the journey before you embark.Please keep me posted as am interested.
I have donor egg twins 21m and a 12 year old biological son I found the transition to donor eggs fine once you get your head around the idea , one baby looks like me and big brother and other like my husband so as long as you have a good clinic with good matching skills there is no reason it can’t all work out.
Feel free to PM if you ever wanna talk x
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. It’s been a while since I’ve checked in here so apologies for the lack of personal replies.
So. Local adoption agency not currently looking at anyone who already has a child, never mind the fertility treatment issue. We have now discounted it for other reasons too.
Have our donor egg recipient consultation tomorrow! Then it’s decision time. Two options - 6 or 11 donor eggs. Not sure what is appropriate. We just want one healthy baby!
Have been doing some soul searching and whilst beyond gutted I can’t have another baby with my own eggs, and how old a mother I will/would be. I’m coming round to the conclusion of this is the only way I have any hope of a second baby I need to go DE, which is what I was told several years ago!
Wondering how long will it take to find a UK donor.
Hello, I'm 48 and yesterday had my embryo transfer with donor eggs. Over a year ago, my local NHS hospital told me I couldn't be treated by the NHS and they had 2 year waiting lists for donor eggs, but I could go for treatment abroad. They told me not to waste any time! We looked at private clinics in the UK but they were too expensive for us and some also had their own upper age limits (we found this varies) and long waiting lists. We looked into fertility clinics abroad and narrowed our choice to Greece or Spain and had online consultations with clinics in those countries (some do free consultations others charge). Some countries have a legal upper age limit of 50, but there are countries that treat older patients.We chose a clinic in Greece. Also consider in some countries like Greece and Spain egg donation is anonymous but you will receive basic information. In the UK it's different and not anonymous. Personally I didn't have to wait long for a donor at all. If waiting times are an issue, you might want to look at treatment abroad if that's possible. First ET we transferred 1 embryo but unsuccessful. This time we transferred 2. It is the age of the donor egg that matters to success rates, but of course it also matters that you're in good health. Good luck! Feel free to ask any questions x
Also I struggled at first with the idea of donor eggs but came to realise I wanted to try to be a mummy even if DE..
I’m at that place too x
Oh thank you for sharing your story! Wish you all the luck in the world with your FET!
I had my DE consultation today. They told me 9 months waiting list! Not practical for to travel abroad for treatment so I’ll probably just have to hang in there but worried about wasting time on wait list.
Thank you! Yeah, my partner came with me on the first trip but second and third trips we couldn't both come for practical reasons so I'm here by myself. It's been harder with travel at the moment but it's amazing what you can get through with WhatsApp & online yoga videos!
9 months is quite a wait but I really hope it all goes well for you. I think we have to do what we have to do, to try & get where want to be.. Good luck! x
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