Yet another failed cycle

[Sexy376]

Well I’ve woken up with a full on bleed and major cramps did a test again to make sure and of course for the 7th time it’s a BFN!!!

I’m broken crushed and feeling absolutely devastated this was our 7th and final attempt and still a massive failure

Let’s face it either the embryos have major chromosomal errors or my womb just doesn’t want to accept them....iam 39 so that’s a negative on its own!!

I can’t face anymore treatments and for certain can’t afford doing anymore cycles I know this sounds harsh but I will just have to accept I’m never going to be a mother and will just have to accept I’m just going to be a step mum to the 3 kids from my fiancé which is a task on it’s own!!

I’m lost and empty right now....good luck to you all who have got your BFP and those going through your cycles may your dreams come true

Anna xxx

[Frankie08]

Hello hun,

I just want to send you lots of love and to say i am truly sorry. I do hope in time your ok and always here if you want to chat lots of love Frankie ❤️❤️❤️

[Sexy376 in reply to Frankie08]

Thanks hun I will be ok in time just need to start looking at other things to keep my mind busy instead of being a mummy xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Anna sorry to hear this, you've done so well attempting 7 times, I can feel your exhaustion💞💞 I feel like this as time goes by I'm 40 and I feel kinda past it this is our 3rd attempt, we have never had a transfer so I'm kinda thinking not to go much further after this attempt, stay strong you've done so well x

[Sexy376 in reply to Hidden]

They say after 35 your chances drop but then I’ve seen so many women get positives in their 40s it’s just a game of chance but I’ve been very unlucky!! Good luck with your 3rd attempt hope it’s a lucky one for you xx

[Hidden]

Hi hun..I am so sorry you had to go through this draining process 7 times. I truly wish for you to be ok. Sending virtual hugs to you. ❤️ ❤️❤️

[Sexy376 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks hun I’m done now can’t do anymore xxx

[Hidden in reply to Sexy376]

This just made me cry.💔 Take some time, heal, and then think of what next. I’m feeling kinda messed up from these hormones now crying everytime.

[Peanutchips]

I’m so so sorry. You’re a warrior for going through this tough journey 7 times. It’s so hard. Sending positivity your way xxx

[Maisie234]

I'm so sorry too. Reading this, it could be any one of us. I'm coming up to round 5 and age 43 with DE. You're still young, but you've done a hell of alot. Wishing you all the best, take it easy just now, it's still so raw. Thinking of you Xx

[Sisibaby in reply to Maisie234]

Hey! Can I ask, have all your rounds been with DE? We have done 7 with own eggs and one with DE and all failed

[Maisie234 in reply to Sisibaby]

Hi, I had three rounds will my own egg's and the fourth was with donor. I'm booked in for a hysteroscopy in Jan to see if there's anything, and some immune tests too. Depending on your age, DE is probably the best bet and your chances should increase each time with DE. I really hope you have some luck soon, xx

[LifetoCherish]

I’m so sorry and gutted for you. It’s such a tough journey and you’ve given everything to it. Sending you love and hugs and hope in time you’ll be ok ❤️ xxxx

[Sparklylife]

I am really sorry Anna, words just seems to get so poor in moments like these and nothing will make you feel any better right now. I hope you got some good support around you 🧡

[Sexy376 in reply to Sparklylife]

I’ve got some great family round me I’m just sitting here moping around to be honest

[Allahamdulilah]

Oh so sad to hear this, don't give up dear. You are stronger than this, remind yourself. Miracles happen and your wish will come true, but stay strong. I know it is easy to say than done but try to be strong. Take a break from trying, give yourself some time and try again till the end. Hopefully you'll be successful. I really wish you the best of luck!🥰

[Sexy376 in reply to Allahamdulilah]

Thank you but this was my last go and it failed I wish I could believe that miracles happen just not for me they don’t

I wasn’t meant to have any kids I’m too old to give myself a break it was now or never I’ve tried my hardest it didn’t work so that’s the end for me thanks anyway ❤️

[Fifikoko in reply to Sexy376]

Hi Anna

So sorry to hear this. Please take it easy and take some time to recover emotionally and physically ☺️

I know you have decided to stop trying but I just wanted to say you’re not too old to try again if you change your mind. I started my IVF journey at 39. Did 3 cycles and had success on 4th transfer by which time I was 40.

Whatever you decide I wish you peace and happiness in time 🤗 xxx

[RhinoCat]

Love and hugs 💐💐💐 the toughest of times.

[Sexy376 in reply to RhinoCat]

Thanks hun xx

[Fertilityjourney]

I'm so sorry to hear this, I was really hoping this was your time. You have been so strong going through all those attempts and I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.

Take some time out with your finance to grieve and look after each other. Xxx

[Sexy376 in reply to Fertilityjourney]

I was so so hoping it was my time too I just can’t get my head around WHY?? Xxx

[Fertilityjourney in reply to Sexy376]

Life is so unfair sometimes. Xx

I know you can't / wouldn't want to go on forever and finances aren't unlimited.... But could you have an appointment with your existing clinic in a few weeks time. And also with a different clinic - to see what their opinion is?

For now though, take care of yourself. Big hugs xxx

[VMJ007]

You are so brave. Thankyou for sharing this post. There are some remarkable women who have been unable to conceive.

[Sexy376 in reply to VMJ007]

Thanks hun I’m totally deflated and empty now I guess that’s just the way life goes xxx

[Ekjones86]

Oh Anna 😔 I am so so sorry to read this. Your body has been through so much. Time is a great healer, and I hope eventually you are ok and at peace with it all.Sending you a huge virtual hug 🤗♥️ xxx

[Sexy376 in reply to Ekjones86]

Thanks hun xxx

[Wishingforabump]

Hey Anna , im so sorry to hear this .. you are a very strong woman ,,, keep youe head high and remember not being a mom doesn’t make you any less important .. i know my words won’t comfort you now i will be praying for both of us and sending you lots of love you are not alone in this and keep your faith in god you never know when a miracle will come your way ❤️

[Sexy376 in reply to Wishingforabump]

Thanks hun I don’t feel very strong right now I feel empty I don’t feel being a step mum is very important either to be honest I just wanted my own child to call me mum thank you for your kind words I don’t see a miracle happening for me hun good luck to you xxx

[Sisibaby in reply to Sexy376]

Have you tried with donor eggs x

[LuxFleur]

So sorry to hear this Anna ❤️❤️❤️

[Sexy376 in reply to LuxFleur]

Thanks hun xx

[leah30]

☹️ so so sorry to read this . Big hugs x

[Sexy376 in reply to leah30]

Thanks hun xxx

[SalenaJaques]

Hi honey, so sorry you’ve had another failed round. I know the heartache you are feeling and you know what? It’s shit!! Sending you a visual hug as there is nothing we can say to each other that makes this shit show any better. You sound like you are able to pick yourself up again soon!

My husband and I can’t go through another round xxxxx

[Duchess2018]

Big hugs x

[Peace-Lilly]

So very sorry to hear this and you have every right to feel the way you do. I too have stepchildren so know how you feel that way. You’ve been through so much, take some time for yourself and we are all here for you xxx

[Marnsb]

I am so sorry you are going through this, my fiance and I had a long talk yesterday about the reality of our life without kids (after a BFN) and would we be ok... It's something I never thought we would have to discuss but I think we will be ok, I know I am going to end up the crazy lady with a million dogs lol. 3 step kids sounds amazing and I'm sure they adore you. Be kind to yourself and feel the love that's around you...take care x

[Hope4another]

I'm so sorry 😞 that is rotten.

[anz07]

I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you’ve had the worst luck ever. I have only had 2 transfers so far (both ended as chemical pregnancies). I have the possibility of 2 further transfers with what we have frozen but, if they don’t work, I’m not sure I can do any more after that. This whole game is mental torture and I already have very limited hope left.

I just wanted to say to give yourself time to grieve. This doesn’t have to be the end. I’m not saying to sign up to IVF again as you’ve made it clear this is your last attempt. But there are other options out there. I have been thinking a lot about adoption recently. I appreciate it isn’t for everyone but, after some time, perhaps you could look into it? Going to an open evening can really help. I have friends who recently adopted a little boy (at the age of 1.5) and they are so happy. Just a thought. There’s also the option of donor eggs/sperm which I’m sure you’ve already mulled over.

Sending you so much love and hugs. Look after yourself. - From one Anna to another xxx

[Downonthefarm]

Hi pet, I’m so sorry to read this. I feel your pain and the situation you describe, re the chromosomal errors, is the same as that I wonder about myself sometimes. I turned 41 last month and have been doing ivf on/off since I was 37. We seem to do ok with the egg collection, although their survival rate seems to drop off fairly quickly e.g. collect 16, 8 survive then 4 get to blastocyst stage (I’m no expert - but to me it doesn’t seem right). We’ve spoken about the potential for DE - as I seem to be prone to cysts that grow to golfball size. Psychologically, I don’t know if I’d be able for DE, but I’ve found myself considering it. I’ve also been reading a book about trying to improve my own egg quality and giving the ideas a go before our next try. Your post struck a cord with me - it’s heartbreaking. I really hope you are able to find some resolve in the coming weeks and months and come to terms with whatever it is you decide to do next. Keep strong - sending positivity your way xx

[PaulaDag in reply to Downonthefarm]

What egg quality book are you reading if you don’t mind me asking? x

[Downonthefarm in reply to PaulaDag]

It’s a Rebecca Fett book - “It starts with the egg.” Xx

[Sexy376 in reply to Downonthefarm]

I’m reading that too x

[Downonthefarm in reply to Sexy376]

What do you think of it? X

[Chegotsi]

Sending you lots of love! So sorry, there isn’t much else I can add but I am thinking of you. ❤️

[Shirazlover2013]

I’m so sorry, it’s incredibly unfair. You’ve certainly given it all you’ve got, I’m a big believer in giving it all and having no regrets so I know you are strong and very resilient to have made it this far. Xx

[Hidden]

So so sorry anna. I cant imagine going trough so many cycles but do know the empty feeling and the dispair and fear of never becoming a mother. Sending you all my love and i hope one way or the other you will find a way to pick yourself up, dust off and carry on being the warrior you are x x x x

[Angels2us]

So sorry for you , this is so hard , give your self time to heal , thinking of you xxxx

[Butterfly83000]

I don't know if it cheers you up that I did 3 egg collections and only got 1 egg to freeze. But now 7 weeks pregnant naturally. So you never know natural it could work. Don't give up. I'm 37 with chemotherapy in my teens, so had very low follicle count. Wish you luck and focus on something which makes you happy. I was so hopeless and I was hitting the gym almost everyday. Yoga, rpm etc. And it really made me feel better and content and got pregnant. Xx

[Westielover16]

So sorry to hear your sad news! No words can take away the pain your feeling currently but know that time will lessen its intensity. Can really identify with your story. We have had 5 fresh cycles and are preparing for our 6th transfer in Jan. The closest we got was just one BFP but lost it at 5w 6d. Neither myself or husband have any children and the likely loss of ever being biological parents is so devastating.

It is difficult in the infertility community talk about stopping and for me there are at times elements of toxic positivity which can further add to stress. But you will know when you need to stop. At times it is really hard to stick with the decision to stop but you have to do what is best for you.

As we prepare for the possibility of moving on I have found it helpful to look into childless not by choice pages/Instagram. Can be helpful when you need to hear how people have coped with the decision to stop.

Sending you loads of love at this difficult time ❤️ Xx

[Steadman80]

So sorry. I’m just going through my 9th loss, had my right tube removed last week. I too know the stepmum feeling well, and I agree it’s a task in itself. I very much relate to how you are feeling. I can’t even put into words how not having a child would effect me and I don’t even think my OT would consider DE as he has his own children, so I feel like my journey is over. Especially after turning 40! Sending you love xxx

[SuzyL123]

I’m so sorry for how hard your journey has been! Sending big hugs.x

[Hidden]

I am so sorry I’ve only just seen your post so a very delayed response. As someone who has just finished their 6th cycle with a chemical I can very much relate, I think I need to find a new reason and meaning for life having survived on hope and an insistence it will work for me eventually as everyone else gets that miracle or knows someone who did. This forum is amazing but also can give false hope I find when you reach a certain stage of treatment

I am taking some time to come to terms with things. Reading a book called ‘living a life unexpected’ is really helping me but I think you need to read it at the right time so don’t rush into it.

Anyway I wanted to offer support from someone going through a similar experience so feel free to PM me xx

[Pugster]

Sorry to hear this Anna. Can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. Feel really gutted for you. Look after yourself & sending you a big 🤗 X