I recently got a BFP but because of my history with recurrent miscarriage I’m so stressed and anxious and I’m not coping very well at all. I’m analysing every symptom, making multiple trips to the loo to check for bleeding and generally driving myself insane!
This is the fifth time I’ve been pregnant in less than two years of trying - I’ve had three miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy. I’ve also had a hard sixth months, where I tried to take control of the losses with IVF but seemed to create even more problems for myself. I had a twin miscarriage after the first round in July and after the second round in September, PGS testing revealed all our embryos were abnormal.
This is a natural pregnancy this time, but I can’t seem to muster any hope that it will work out, especially when so many embryos we created during IVF were abnormal. My best friend told me she was pregnant yesterday and it seems to have made my anxiety even worse.
Sorry for the rambling post... has anyone been through losses? And if so, how did you stay hopeful in a subsequent pregnancy? Any nice stories of successful pregnancies post miscarriage would also be appreciated. Thank you xx
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Holdingontohope36
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Hi, I’m so sorry you’re struggling right now, it must be so tough after everything you have been through. I’m afraid I can’t give much advice but did wonder if you had had any professional help from a counsellor? I started seeing a specialist counsellor after my first IVF failed and she has really massively helped me through my losses and my anxiety around my current pregnancy. I just found it so helpful having someone to talk to without feeling I was burdening anyone and she’s really got me through some tough times. I was a bit nervous at first but chose to go with telephone sessions as opposed to video call and it really helps me to be so open. Wishing you all the very best, I really hope that you start to feel better soon xxx
Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it. I started counselling a few months ago and it’s really helping - I actually have a session tomorrow, which is good timing as I seem to be having a very anxious week! I hope your current pregnancy is going well and you’ll soon have your rainbow baby xx
Hiya,Don't worry, the anxiety is normal. I've also had lots of losses, not as many as you- 2 early miscarriages and 2 chemicals. Like you, I had pgs testing, on my last ivf round, and out of 15 eggs I only got 2 embryos both of which were classed abnormal. Convinced myself all my eggs were bad.
Luckily, I got an answer for my miscarriages-- I have high nk cells-- so I was put on lots of drugs. And miraculously, I am now naturally pregnant, 10 weeks in, having previously had three failed ivf rounds.
I guess the question I wanted to ask is: do you have answers for your miscarriages? As in, have doctors been able to tell you why they think it keeps happening, or have you had any tests to see what's going on? For me, getting an answer has really helped my anxiety, as I know that the drugs I'm on are helping me to keep the pregnancy. Even though every scan is the most stressful thing ever, at least i feel a bit of optimism (something that I've never felt in three years of trying to conceive). I think the main thing I wanted to say is don't dwell too much on the 'abnormal' embryos. I know I did and I caused myself so much anxiety needlessly. My miscarriage specialist always says the fact you can get pregnant is a good sign.
Thanks so much for replying! Your story has really helped - not only because we’ve both had tough IVF journeys, by the sounds of it, but because I have also been diagnosed with an immune system problem like yours. Are you, by any chance, with a miscarriage specialist in Epsom? I’m with him now (since the failed IVF round in September) and he says my issue is a very high TNF alpha and aggressive natural killer cells. I was put on Humira, which worked a treat, and on the first proper month of trying after the treatment I found myself pregnant, which I’m hoping is a good sign. I’m on hydroxy, intralipids and aspirin now, and hoping this is setting me on a new course. I think my horrible IVF experience has made me so scared and, like you said, terrified that all my eggs are bad. It’s made me focus less on the NK cells treatment/believe in it, but ultimately this is the only major thing that has been found to be wrong with me, so perhaps I need to start having some more faith. That’s amazing news that you’re now at 10 weeks - you are giving me so much hope! I’m only five weeks at the moment, so a long way to go for me! Thanks again for taking the time to reply xx
Ahh yes, we are both with the same miscarriage specialist! Doctor Shehata? The man is an angel. Honestly, have faith in him and his work, he will get you your baby! Our first scan, I was so anxious, I cried on the table (with the camera up me!) but he said straight away there was a heartbeat, no hesitation at all, he knows how tough it is. We had our second scan two weeks ago and having the third on Thursday. I caused myself so much stress worrying about those abnormal embryos, but I always knew deep down I had some good eggs- you wouldn't get pregnant naturally if they were all bad (and my amh is good at 16.5). I got pregnant naturally in September but it ended pretty quickly, but I think it's because I didn't take the steroids, then got pregnant naturally again the following month. The drugs do work. Just remember as well, with ivf, the egg and sperm combo is pot luck-- you can get a good egg with a bad sperm, or a bad egg with great sperm- it really is a lottery. The fact you got pregnant naturally is good- your body chose this egg, and the little sperm that fertilised it was the Hercules of the sperm army 💪 so the little one has a good chance of making it. Also just to say, the drugs he prescribes mask lots of the symptoms of pregnancy, so if you're worried about not having some of the more obvious signs (sore boobs, morning sickness etc) don't worry, it's just the drugs!! I've only had three days of mild sickness, and lemon water cured it pretty quickly. Good luck 🤞🤞
Our stories really are quite similar! My AMH is also pretty good at 15, so I couldn’t really make sense of the IVF disaster. I thought that bad egg quality went hand in hand with low ovarian reserve, so I couldn’t understand how we had so many abnormal embryos. Good luck with your scan this week! We have our first one a few days before Christmas and I’m so nervous that it’ll be bad news and our Christmas will be ruined 😬 Just poor timing, but I’d rather be pregnant than not. Interestingly I’m not on steroids - I thought I would be but Dr S is apparently not dishing them out now because of Covid so I’m on hydroxy instead. It does worry me that I don’t have steroid this time - I had them with my last (IVF) pregnancy, and they dished them out without blinking in the middle of the pandemic. Funny you should say, when I was on steroids I did find they masked my pregnancy symptoms but now I’m getting them really strong! I’ve had morning sickness pretty much since my BFP, but in a weird way I do find it reassuring. Let me know how your scan goes this week! xx
If it makes you feel better, our 12 week scan is also a couple of days before Xmas, so might even see you there 😂 last time I had intralipids there, everyone was pregnant. One woman was 16 weeks in after 4 years trying for a baby and the other girl had just had her 7 week scan. I was at 5 weeks convinced I was the one who'd get told there was no heartbeat at the 7 week scan. Time goes veeeerrrryyyy slowly, two weeks feels like a month, but each scan does get easier. Once you get past the initial scan your anxiety will get better- it'll still be there but you will start to believe. But do have faith. You've got answers which so many people never get, and you've had so many pregnancies in such a short time-- your body wants to be pregnant!! Also, Hydroxy does the same job as the steroids. I'm on both. I take two Hydroxys at lunch, and steroids in the morning, but Shehata did say back in February I could do one or the other, or a combination of both. So don't worry too much about that, the Hydroxy does work (I was only on that when I conceived) and the intralipids really help calm everything down-- everything works together. You'll be fine 😊😊
I’ve had 3 mmc at 12w and 2 chemicals all natural conception no experience with ivf and I’m currently 15w pregnant. I booked myself for a scan at 6w at the epu just to check it wasn’t blighted ruled that out but then felt anxiety creep back so booked a private scan at 10w all good again but still not at ease got a scan at 13w all was good. I’ve still got a 16w Gender scan and then my 20w scan. It’s hard not to feel anxious when you’ve had so many losses and I think it depends how far along you were when you lost it’s the feeling if I get past that it should be ok. I have everything crossed nothing goes wrong from here onwards I’d be utterly devastated.
I’m so sorry for your losses, and that they were at such a late stage too. How heartbreaking. I guess it’s a small blessing that my pregnancies end much earlier, usually at around 6.5/7 weeks. I think you’re right that regular monitoring helps, even though those scans are the most terrifying thing! Good luck with your pregnancy xx
Ah I’m so similar. I’ve had 8 losses in 5 years and currently 6+2, got a scan booked for Thursday. I’m checking myself all the time too! And even having dreams too that make me frightened to go to sleepS I’ve had a couple of pink tinges to the toilet paper since Friday, only tiny amounts. Praying all is ok. I’ll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you xx
Wishing you so much luck for your scan tomorrow. Let me know how it goes! To go through eight losses is such a horrible thing. But it’s good to know I’m not going insane and that others have this intense anxiety too. I hope this is your rainbow 🌈 x
Hi sweet heart. I have had 6 miscarriages. 2 three months along and the rest chemical.... I can totally relate. I also wanted to tell you I have a 3 year old from a natural conception and a 2 week old from ivf with PGS testing. If you ever want to message me privately I’m here always to lend a hand xxx
First, I am sorry for the all you have been through. It is incredibly unfair and it is difficult when you hear about friends getting pregnant easily. You want to be happy for them but it is also so painful.I had to move to donor eggs, but I am still paranoid. I did actually get a fetal Doppler which I started using around 10 weeks. Not everyone agrees with me because it is not always easy to find the heartbeat at that stage, especially if you have an anterior placenta. Also, I don’t know what your medical coverage situation is, but my nurse practitioner agreed to let me come every week just to do a heartbeat check until I could start feeling movement. Once you feel movement it does help with the anxiety.
Thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts!
Interesting that you got yourself a Doppler. Think that’d be a bad move for me, as I’d become obsessed 🤣 Regular scans sound like a good idea though. I think my clinic offer a couple before 12 weeks, so that’s reassuring. Thanks for your positive thoughts - I need them! x
Two losses and one chemical so far . Nvr got pregnant naturally, all these were via ivf . It’s very hard to fathom why it’s happening. I never pgs tested my embryos , with low numbers it was not suggested. Hope this time works for you. Sometimes the high stimulation in ivf drugs can cause abnormal embryos
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