I’m starting my first round of IVF around the 1st Dec. I asked my husband to stop drinking a few weeks before. He’s still been have a few beers here and there which has been really annoying me. Then he had to go away for work for a few nights. He has just called me up and I can tell that he’s drunk.
We are unexplained, however his tests aren’t great. His mobility is way lower than we would like.
Should I just cancel this whole cycle? How much does it affect everything? Am I over reacting? I’m so mad and upset.
Sorry for ranting. I just feel like he’s supposed to be supporting me not causing me more stress!!
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Joy35
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I used to get cross with DH drinking too and felt like it meant he wasn’t committed to the whole thing. We did 5 rounds of IVF in 18 months - so he gave probably 6-7 sperm samples in that time. The best result he ever gave was the one first week of the new year after we relaxed the rules and had several weeks of drinking and generalBad diet etc 🤣 the worst result he gave was the final round after lockdown after 4 months of no drinking and doing everything “right”. We didn’t get any blastocysts that round so had to thaw 2 from new year and both stuck and I’m having twins so honestly if the male factor isn’t severe I don’t think drinking has too much of a bad effect x
Thanks Ivfgotadream. Love the name!! Thats a relief to know it’s won’t affect our results too much. I go between thinking maybe it’s not so bad that he has a few drinks and feeling such rage that he does haha xxx
It's so annoying isn't it! My husband was similar, not great numbers but he pretty much refused to cut down on the beer or stop smoking. And he insisted on going running to burn off the beer and I had to give him his vitamin supplement every morning like a child or he wouldn't take it!!Happily, in spite of this, we got good results from IVF with our little girl who's a year old now and still got some frosties.
I think you have every right to feel upset and let down and by all means express that - we put our bodies through so much with fertility treatment and also we're often the ones monitoring and looking into the whole process while they're just passive and it feels like we're shouldering everything. But while it's frustrating, please be reassured that it's not necessarily a question of calling the whole thing off. Best of luck xxx
Thanks misssaopaulo, Same here with the vitamins. Giving them to him every morning like a child.
Its so good to read here that it prob won’t affect our results too much. But I’m still so mad haha. It’s not like I asked him to give up for months. Just for a few weeks leading up. I told him he could have a good drink after egg collection!
Thanks for writing. So happy for you that you have your girl 🥰 xx
I totally understand how you feel as my DH is the same! Throughout our IVF process, he never gave up drinking or smoking. I was annoyed from time to time but thinking back it was really because I felt he didn't suffer as much as I thought I did. So, I guess I'm trying to say it is more psychological than scientific. 😂
It made me laugh reading the previous two replies because I had the same experience. I'm now 18 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. Eventually the doctor told me it doesn't really matter that much whether DH drinks or smokes as the male factor is very limited. It is all about having one good egg. So, focus on yourself!
I'm sure your DH is all very supportive and committed. That's probably the best we can ask for from them. Cheer up!
Thank you Yelong. He is supportive and has told me I can stop working while we focus on this. He’s been amazing about some things. But in this area I feel like he’s letting me down massively. I really don’t think I’m asking for too much. I also know when he drinks he smokes!!
A few weeks not drinking isn’t too much to ask for. I just want him to act like he wants this as much as I do. However when he goes and gets another drink I can’t help but think he can’t.
I know I’m also over analysing absolutely everything and being a complete nightmare haha. I just want this to work so badly xxx
Ah that’s a tough one ... but I hear you. I asked my husband to stop drinking as much as he was to increase our chance of conception as everywhere you read that’s one of the things doctors advise you limit. My husband also has poor sperm morphology (with just 1% normal forms) which can be attributed to drinking in some instances (though I imagine that’d have to be excessive drinking). Anyway.. we both gave up a lot of things and for over a year have been doing more than your average couple to try and conceive.
From paraben free products, to no drinking, to daily excessive supplement taking, no caffeine for either of us etc. We are both really healthy. I’ve experienced a miscarriage and a failed IVF cycle... so I can’t say if it’s working really.
I’ve never known anyone amongst my friends and family to give up as much as we have in order to fall pregnant. Whilst I’d still do whatever I can to give myself and my husband the very best chance, all I’m saying is I don’t think we need to be as strict as we maybe think we do. I feel that it’s the loss and grief of everything taking over, and is one thing we can control in a totally uncontrollable situation.
A drink here and there won’t harm anyone.. but I’d hear you and expect my husband not to drink during treatment for my own peace of mind.
Thanks XOXO13. It sounds like your hubby is really in this with you. I think I want that even more than the actual not drinking part. I want him to show me that me wants this as much as I do and show that he’s willing to do whatever it takes xxx
My partner had normal sperm but was as committed as me to having ivf so we supported each other by both not drinking, both eating healthy, both taking vitamins and supplements. It meant a lot that we went through 3 rounds and 8 transfers as a team. We let our hair down a few times with a few drinks here and there between transfers but it meant a lot that we were in it together. So I wouldn’t cancel the cycle but I would maybe have a chat when you’re calm. It’s a stressful process so some people need to relax through things like drinking but try alternatives. We did lots of nature walks and went to the cinema loads x
Hi Joy, I wanted to tell you that I was having same problem with my husband! But I told him if he wants me to go through a fresh cycle, his only job is to pay more attention to his diet, and honestly I was Wine police to him for a good couple of months, but I think what worked for him was our consultant’s words, she told him if you want the best outcome you need to reduce the amount of caffeine and stay away from alcohol. I think for men is difficult to understand that their diet and life style has an effect in fertility... we go through a lot during ivf and I think this the very least that our partners can do. Good luck dear. 😘
That’s exactly what I did. I told him I was only doing this if he stopped smoking and drinking. He said of course I won’t drink or smoke when we’re going through the IVF. Now we’re less than two weeks from starting injections and he’s drunk!!
I just feel so let down and hurt.
The more I go on about it, it’s like he digs his heels in even more. I just don’t know what else to do. I feel like calling off the whole cycle would show him that I’m serious and not just moaning for the sake of it. But I’ve also waited three years to get here. I’m so tired of waiting xxx
oh dear, I know how you feel, please talk to him, he has to listen to you if he wants the best outcome possible for you two. IVF is stressful enough. Do not cancel the cycle, ask him in these two weeks be more sensible, Also I don’t know if he is getting any supplement but ask him to take Proxeed Plus. I know you are tired, we are all tired ❤️ but we will get there. xx
Try not to worry and definitely dont cancel🤗 I’m sure a drunken night or 2 won’t make too much difference if it helps him relax and as treatment hasn’t started yet. Our first few tries I was T-Total for months but the the last few times (both successful one unfortunately a CP and Next one I’m currently 18weeks) I let my hair down a little and had a glass or two of Prosecco myself right up until fortnight before transfer. I truly believe you both being relaxed and together is more important than stopping all things good, especially if you are unexplained and particularly as the world is so awful just now xx I completely get why you feel let down but hanging onto it will only make things worse for both of you (probably mostly you) at the start of a difficult but exciting journey together 💜xx
Oh I know! It’s so hard when you have waited so long and want something so bad but your mental health is really important too 🤗 wishing you lots and lots of luck for starting your cycle... it’s nearly time!! 💜☺️ Xx
I had 3 separate transfers. The first 2 we both were so strict and stopped drinking. The 3rd transfer we had a few drinks when we wanted (🤦🏼♀️ I also had a full on night out the weekend before my transfer, had lost hope a wee bit and didn’t want to get my hopes up) and that’s the one that stuck! We have a 20 month old daughter now. I 100% think there is something in letting loose a wee bit to keep yourself calm(ish?!) so I personally wouldn’t worry too much.
I can relate to this so much, my husband doesn't drink but he smokes and loves junk food. I asked him on so many occasions to stop smoking but he just wont and I use to get so cross with him. He did claim that he reduces the amount he smokes coming up to the IVF cycle. In fairness in our last ivf cycle they did say that his sperm count was better than before but we still had only 6 eggs fertilised with ICSI from the 17 eggs retrieved . So I believe the egg quality isnt as good. I just try to work on myself and make him eat healthier foods even though he still eats his junk food too. But the way I see it as long as he is eating the nutritious food I've make him he can then eat his junk too. Oh and I'm also the one taking his supplements out for him and handing them over with a glass of water!
My husband doesn't drink but he does smoke & I can't tell you the frustration this causes me. We have gone private because he is so stubborn and won't quit. Reason he won't quit - it has done nothing to his sperm. Nada. & he is right, of all the tests we have had, his came back above average.
I have never had an issue with his smoking, its probably 3-4 max a day. He doesn't go out, he rarely drinks and he works really hard. He doesn't smoke in the house and that is fine with me. BUT.. 5 years TTC, 1 MMC and now IVF..
I have got angry, I have got upset, we have argued, ive got him patches, ive sent him details and support information .. but all it has done, is stress me out. Upset me. Made me angry.
I think what bothered me (& still sometimes does) was more that it felt like he refused to give up 1 thing when I'm the one who has to actually do the treatment. I felt like he wasn't supportive, like he was selfish and I hated that.
What I can say now is that I was actually being quite selfish by thinking those things too. Our cycle was unsuccessful, but he helped with every single injection, he cleaned, washed, cooked, looked after our dog and cats, he did the shopping, he got me things if I needed them, he checked on me, cuddled me, got all my meds organised.. he also cried when it wasn't successful, hugged me as hard as when we had our MMC and I realised, all of this stress and upset that I am going through.. he is too. He just smokes 🤷♀️
I completely understand why you're frustrated & I know that all of us going through this aren't like everyone else so we do have to do things to try and help our situations.. but honestly just live your life & let him do the same. Enjoy a drink together, as long as he isn't drunk every week or every night.. let yourself stop worrying! ❤
I used to get very frustrated by this too! I then had a chat with the lead director from Care and he says stress and the odd drink have very little effect on the sperm. My own clinician said to just ensure you stay within the safe guidelines (14 units per week I think). The only time ours worked was when we relaxed a bit (that said we had a protocol change too). But as long as he is taking a decent multi vit I don't think a few beers will hurt.
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Had a couple of drinks before FET
Cutting down on drinking alcohol
