Little rant about IVF funding.... - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

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Little rant about IVF funding....

Lilli79
Lilli79

Is it just me (or my hormones) but I'm getting really irate by the ignorance of some people when it comes to infertility/ivf? There seems to be a lot in the news lately about both and also about NHS spending, and some of the comments that people leave are just so insensitive. I find especially the comments about adopting absolutely ridiculous, do people think its completely free to adopt a child? I've read that some people have paid in excess of £15k for fees, legal fees etc to adopt which is way more than an ivf cycle. We're lucky that we had family assistance in our 2nd ivf cycle, but I think others are less fortunate and just feel that some people are complete a-holes when it comes to understanding fertility. I read an amazing comment from someone on a BBC article saying that if people were so vocal about the NHS funding /adoption argument then perhaps they shouldn't have had children naturally and should adopt instead! Finally someone understands, it made my day! Am I totally overreacting of are some people just complete idiots?! Sorry, rant over.

17 Replies
Hidden
Hidden

Totally agree. I had comments like that for years. Indeed, if others are so concerned about all the children not being adopted, then I tell them to adopt. Having their own children shouldn't stop them or perhaps they should not have their own children and just adopt.

It's the best response to such an intrusive question. :-)

Of course there are children needing families, but it's not only up to infertile couples to resolve the issue. xx

Lilli79
Lilli79 in reply to Hidden

Totally agree, I think it annoys me as well that neither myself or my husband have ever had any ops etc. on the NHS so we've paid a lot in but didn't get much out so we felt we were entitled to at least one cycle, but people are saying they should remove NHS funding altogether. I see so many people on here posting about their mental health and I think not being able to afford ivf is one of the biggest worries xxx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Lilli79

It's bloody unfair the way they go on about removing funding! It's the haves and have nots rearing it's nasty little head again!

Is that your kitty in the pic? We have a cat that lives next door to us who is black and white with similar markings!

If it is it's a very handsome gent!

Lilli79
Lilli79 in reply to Hidden

Yeah that's my little furry fella, love him to bits. He's got us through so much heartache in the last 5 years of ttc/ivf. We're expecting our first in about 4 weeks so the poor little guy is gonna be in for a shock!! 😺

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Lilli79

That's the thing cats get very jealous when there's a new arrival!

I avoid reading views by people such as this as alot of us dont get NHS funding anyway, as we had to remorgage our house to get the funds to have IVF + ICSI its also the stress of cycles and if people knew i had IVF they presume i was the one with fertility issues. In fact my husbands expensive reversal didnt work. Regardless of the cost of adoption its also wont work for some families as if you or your partner have children its harder for them too bond if its not a baby and I was always told there isnt many babies available. I also was told many children have problems so older but younger children would need alot of work to understand and except them. My step children dont live with us as much as their mums and we looked into adoption. Therefore if the child had problems it be harder to get them to bond. We still were considering it but we were fortunate to get success on IVF. Im currently 31 weeks. Its sad people dont understand what effect not having children has on people but these are often people who never had issues as this or maybe they didnt want children. I was listening to a program on those who regretted having children. Sadly people are always going to be ignorant. X

Lilli79
Lilli79 in reply to BBlucky

Yeah i think people see adoption as an easy option - far from it. I know a couple who adopted a brother & sister who were 4 & 6, their biological parents were heavy drug & alcohol users. The older girl used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming and the little boy was never potty trained so was always wetting himself, among other issues. It is very rare these days to be able to adopt newborns so you gotta be willing to accept all the baggage that comes with older children 😥

Scarlett13
Scarlett13 in reply to Lilli79

So sad isn’t it x

A lot of people I’ve told about my fertility struggles have said silly things, like “don’t worry, you can get IVF”. I’ve then quoted statistics at them. I think people who are lucky enough not to have fertility issues think that ivf is a sure thing. It makes me so mad. I just try and forget about what they say.

Lilli79
Lilli79 in reply to Kathryn1984

Yeah totally, there's some family we didn't tell because of their simplistic view about ivf - they just expected us to get pregnant first time and everything would be fine. I think infertility is a lot more common than everyone realises xx

I know exactly how you feel and people’s ridiculous comments like that can cut really deep. You have to have a good rant sometimes 😊 I got into an argument online with a women that had commented on something to do with fertility saying it was natural selection by god and not everyone was supposed to have there own child, so people should just accept it! I literally thought I was going to implode, I was that mad 😡!! It’s very easy to pass comments like that when it’s something that doesn’t effect you and they’ll never know how mentally and physically draining it is when you have fertility issues. There are so many strong women on here and it amazes me how people keep striving to reach their end goal after so much upset 💕🙏 x

Lilli79
Lilli79 in reply to Clover5

Oh yeah I've totally got into arguments with people online too. I think if you want children then you should be able to have them, nothing to do with natural bloody selection/gods will and all that. If it was gods will then druggies etc shouldn't really have them. There are so many people who don't deserve children, and certainly NO ONE on here falls into that category. If we put as much effort into having our babies as we do with raising them, then they will certainly grow up to be amazing people! Xx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Lilli79

It's always the way how the undeserving get everything and the deserving ones don't!

I try not to read the comments on things like that anymore as I find them really offensive, ignorant and hurtful xx

I did read the comments in one article and it genuinely shocked me how offensive some of them were! I really don’t think this is something that people understand unless they’ve had infertility in their own lives. Before I found out I was infertile I certainly wasn’t begrudging people getting treatment on the NHS since it is a medical issue that the WHO says is really important! What has annoyed me though is this post code lottery for treatment. It’s unfair that some people get lots and others get nothing just based on where they live and there are other criteria which aren’t evenly applied such as age and whether you or your partner already have kids. How is your partner having a child who lives with their ex relevant to why a man or woman with a medical problem should or shouldn’t get NHS funding to try to have a baby of their own!

I never got that either, a person could have a child who they never see (perhaps living in another country or custody reasons of whatever). It should have no bearing whatsoever on the decision for ivf funding, especially considering one partner usually doesn't have any children in these cases.

I do try to limit my exposure to articles about ivf but I was recently reading a news article about A&E and surprise, surprise the ivf argument crops up (absolutely nothing to do with the content of course). People arguing its a 'lifestyle choice' - no doubt the commenters all have 10 kids all being paid for by my tax money!! 😕

I agree with you all, and find it so short-sighted and insensitive when people throw up the "well, you can always adopt" card!

And I also think if people are so vocal about adoption, and so upset that there are so many children who would love to be adopted (which of course we all find upsetting)...then why don't they focus their energies at the other end of the spectrum...empower women to realise there are ways to avoid getting pregnant with an unwanted child in the first place, educate men to be more aware of the implications of an unwanted child, tackle the social deprevation and associated drug/alcohol dependencies to tackle these issues where they so sadly often begin....this is always my angle on the debate whenever it arises.

It shouldn't be 'us', the people so desperately wanting to be parents that will give our hearts and souls to just keep on trying, who get challenged; it should be challenged at the grass roots by trying to reduce the number of poor children and babies who sadly find themselves born in to families where they cannot be cared for.

Also agree with you all saying if people feel so strongly then why didn't they adopt! Such an endlessly tiring and emotionally draining situation we are all in, and I do hope that everyone is coping. This forum gives such support and hope, I often just search for posts when I just need to know there are others who understand, and have been there. Sending lots of love and positivity out to you all in this beautiful online community of support xxxx

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