An update : I wish it was better news... - Fertility Network UK

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An update

Janop79 profile image

I wish it was better news but it’s just my worst nightmare come true. Today’s scan confirmed a missed miscarriage. CRL only increased by 0.2mm and still no heartbeat.

I’m numb, in shock. There’s obviously been a lot of tears but it still doesn’t feel real.

We’re going away for a couple of weeks from tomorrow which I’m not sure is a good or bad thing. Hopefully the bleeding won’t be too bad.

Anyway, wishing you the best of luck for your upcoming scans, collections, transfers etc. This is such a tough journey but hopefully we’ll all get our happy ending soon xxx

31 Replies

I am so sorry to read this, I was rooting for you

Take some time to grieve and come to terms with it, don't rush anything.

In my experience an early MC has really just been like a heavy period so I think you should be fine to go away. Sometimes that change of scene is what is needed to try and get your head together

I am sure you will get your happy ending and I am sure over time you will feel ready to try again. I know its taken you loads to get to this point and you are incredibly strong and I am sure you will find that strength again xx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Daisy1245

Thank you so much for your kind message.

Yes, the midwife didn’t have any problems with me going away but warned me to pack lots of pads and paracetamol. Still doesn’t feel real.

I really hope you’re right. I’m want to believe it and I do sometimes but other times I just think ‘will it ever happen for me?’

Hope you’re doing OK? xxx

I’m just so terribly sorry for this news. I’ve really been rooting for you and I know you WILL get your happy ending - somehow! Take time to get away , reflect or simply just not think...whatever feels right at the moment. Yes, an early MC is like a heavy period - try and take this time to love and honor your body and your MC, although it may be tough - you are perfect the way you are.

Oh Janop, I’m so sorry to read this. It’s such a kick in the teeth after everything you’ve done to get this far. This is going to be a tough few weeks but it sounds like a change of scene might be helpful. I’m so sorry, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it easier for all of us ladies on here trying. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you will get there 😚 xxx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Peanutchips

Thank you so much for this esp when you’re going through a worrying time too. So lovely of you.

I’m still in shock if I’m honest. I’ve cried a few times but then there are times when I feel quite detached from it all. Like it’s not real or it’s happening to someone else. It’s odd.

I hope you’re doing OK? Xxx

I am so so sorry.

I would suggest packing a load of pads, boxes of ibuprofen and paracetamol (you can alternate taking them if you're in a lot of pain so that you can take something every two hours instead of waiting four), tracksuit bottoms or leggings you wouldn't mind staining, and a hot water bottle to take with you. Everyone is different, as Daisy said a miscarriage can be like a heavy period, mine at exactly 8 weeks was about five hours of major pain and a lot of bleeding but then when it was over, it was over. I definitely needed all the pain relief and a hot water bottle and I would recommend packing supplies if you're going away, just in case.

Sending huge hugs and you will get through this xxxx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to LCharlton

Thank you so much for the advice. I’ve just been to Primark to buy a few pairs of cheap leggings. Bought some pads and have made a note to pack the hot water bottle.

I hope you’re right. No, I’m sure you’re right. I will get through this! I have to.

Thanks again.

I hope you’re doing OK? xxx

LCharlton profile image
LCharlton in reply to Janop79

I am so much better. You do heal physically and emotionally xx

So sorry to hear this... heartbreaking! Try and enjoy your break away, it won’t be easy but it might bring you some peace. Thoughts are with you xxxx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Faith103

Thank you.

Yes, I’ll try. I’m looking forward to getting out of London and away from familiar surroundings.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Lovely news! Wishing you a healthy and happy one xxx

Im so sorry honey, I was really hoping you'd get better news today!! I hope you can still get away together, I know you were looking forward to it but I guess this changes everything.....do what you feel is the right thing for you both. Sending lots of love and hugs.xxx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Cinderella5

Thanks got your message.

Yes, we’re still going to go. The Midwife and Consultant are OK with it. They’ve told me what to expect and given some advice. I think I need to go. Staying in London, will be worse although it’s not necessarily going to be easy in Italy, at least I’ll be somewhere different.

I spoke to the consultant earlier and she wants me to carry on taking the progesterone pessaries which I found odd. She said ideally they’d do another scan before telling me to stop them. I only gave enough to last me for another week and we’re away for 16 days so very likely it’ll happen when I’m still out there.

Hope all is good with you? Xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5 in reply to Janop79

I'm glad that you are going ahead with your plans. It will be hard when it happens but I think you would be worse at home....I would do the same honey!! Maybe they're thinking that it may last you until you come back. All ok at my end thank you. A couple of lining scans to get though and hopefully my body will play ball. I think you're an absolute trooper and I really hope some time away does help. Lots of love.xxx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Cinderella5

Thank you. I hope so. I feel worse today than I did yesterday. Hopeless sums it up nicely.

Good luck with the lining scans. Fingers crossed that your body behaves itself 🤞

Xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5 in reply to Janop79

I can only imagine what you are going through honey! Thanks for your support and look after yourself.xxx

So sorry to hear this :(

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to treezuk

Thank you xx

I’m so sorry that you didn’t get better news, I’m gutted for you. Going away sounds like a nice distraction (although like others have said I’d definitely go well prepared). I hope that the time away and change of scenery does you good lovely. Look after each other and give yourself space to grieve your sad loss. Sending big healing hugs xxx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Picalilli99

Thank you. I somehow feel worse today. Was hoping it would hurt slightly less. I feel like I’m being unfairly punished and keep comparing myself to my friends. It’s stupid I know but I can’t help it. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this. Sorry! Just struggling at the moment.

Anyway, I’ve packed all the necessary supplies so at least I’m prepared in that respect.

Thanks again for your message. I hope all is OK with you? Xxx

So sorry to read this, all I can say is having been in your shoes the best thing to do is get away. I was 9 weeks so had the operation as I couldn’t face doing it naturally and then we went away. Slightly different but I know the unbearable sense of loss you are feeling. Once I got my head around it the only thing that kept me going was booking my next cycle. You are at your most fertile after a miscarriage so I was told not to delay. However 2 years later am still trying and currently in what I am hoping is my last 2ww as absolutely exhausted by it all now.

Take care 😘 x

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Hope76

Thank you. Yes, going away definitely feels like the right thing for me at this time. We’ll be around family and friends too (my partner is Italian) so that should be nice.

I’m terrified about the blood. I’ve been fully prepped by the midwife and consultant but if I feel this bad now, how awful am I going to feel when it starts?

We have one low grade embryo in the freezer. We’ll try again when I’m ready but I fully accept the fact that we may need to book another cycle/s. I’m just tired of it all.

Good luck with your 2WW. Hopefully this is the one 🤞 xxx

Sorry for you loss, sending prayers to your family.

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to TexasRose210

Thank you. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy xxx

So sorry to hear this Janop, how cruel life can be 😔 pleased you are still getting away, some time in a different place, sunshine and family will hopefully help the healing process. So sorry for your loss xx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Luna_79

So terribly cruel.

We’re on our way to the airport now.

Thanks for your message. Sending you lots of luck for your upcoming transfer xxx

So sorry to read this Janop. This is truly a nightmare and no woman should experience this. I cannot find the words to comfort you but i do see a very strong lady and i know your battle isnt over. Im glad you are going somewhere nice. It always helps to just pack and go for a bit and leave reality behind. Be kind to your self because one day you will be somebodies mommie and therefor you come first x sending all my love x

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Mimisami

Thank you so much for your message. The break has been good although I’m still not bleeding so will have to keep my hospital appt for the 27th.

I’m so sorry to read that you’re going through this also. So so unfair.

Praying that our dream will come true soon xxx

I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s exactly what happened to me. I found out that the CRL wasn’t growing and we didn’t have a heartbeat on 22nd August and I miscarried naturally at home on 7th September. I was devastated after the scan but I went back to work and to my normal life as it didn’t feel real. After my miscarriage I had a very hard time. That’s when it feels real and you really feel the separation and emptiness. You will feel lonely, not many people will be able to understand. It’s something that will change you forever, positively I would say. I promise you that it gets better with time. If you want to talk you can message me any time. Take care of yourself x

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to FrancyItaly

Thank you for your message and advice.

You’re right, it’s been tough. I haven’t passed the tissue yet so I worry about how I’ll feel after that too.

And thank you for your offer for me to message you. So very lovely of you.

I hope you’re doing OK? x

I'm so sorry to read this. No-one knows what its like doing this except us. I hope you can try and relax a little while you are away. This is just a delay in reaching your goal, you will get there I am sure of it. xx

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to Maisie234

Thanks Maisie for your message and positivity.

I’ve been able to relax a bit which I think has helped.

I hope you’re right and I wish the same for you also xxx

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