The ‘1st phone call after a retrieval’ slump

[Gabrielagrazebrook]

Hi everyone, needing to vent slightly..

I’m 36 years old with low AMH and endometriosis. Hubby has low sperm motility.

We had a really bad 1st cycle in Nov 2019, with 5 fertilized eggs which led to only 1 viable embryo which then led to a BFN. It was a bad result and I was in a bad place emotionally.

I was feeling much more positive about this cycle - because I am coming from such a better place health and mind wise and it felt like all was moving differently. We retrieved 9 follicles yesterday, even my retrieval recovery was great, pain free.

But we had the dreaded 1st phone call earlier and already we’ve gone down to 5 fertilized. I feel like I am living through a deja vu and I really really don’t want to have the ‘single, bad embryo’ leftover we had last time. By the probabilities of this dreadful experience it feels like that is likely again.

Can I ask how any of you:

- picked your emotions back up during these slumps?

- managed to focus on work/errands/life during a cycle? I can’t keep my mind off ivf.

- at which point should I consider donor eggs?

Many thanks to all you amazing, inspirational warriors 💪🏼✨

[Muffingirl]

Hi, sorry to hear of your troubles. Are you using stimulation? My friend at work did 5 rounds at the lister with high stims, collected lots of eggs but only 1 viable Embryo each time which never took. I recommended her to try mild Ivf at Create And she had much less eggs but enough for a fresh cycle which didn’t work and her frozen cycle did, she now has a little boy. I had Very low AMH and many other issues but my create consultant stuck by me for 6 yrs and now I’m 23 weeks pregnant (with donor egg). It’s about quality not quantity and some people just can’t take the stimulation. Just a thought. But fingers crossed you get a good outcome from your 5. It only takes 1!

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to Muffingirl]

Muffingirl congratulations!! What amazing news!

Thanks for your kind msg and advice. I don’t have a very ‘dialoguing’ doctor so really I’ve begun to hear about mild ivf, short term, long term, here in the forum. I was on Gonal + Menopur on the 1st round, and have been on Pergoveris on this 2nd round.

But since I read about mild IVF I am tempted by the description. Lets see what happens this cycle, and if necessary I would look into it for round 3. As you say, quality matters more. I think I was shook by the quantity being so similar to last time, so my hopes are really on the quality now 🙏🏼✨

[Ivfgotadream in reply to Gabrielagrazebrook]

I’m also with Create and swapped from short protocol - where over 2 cycles I got 28 eggs but less than 30% fertilised even with ICSI and 4 average quality blastocysts to natural modified IVF so focussing on a lot less eggs - over 2 cycles I got 9 eggs but 100% fertilised and 4 top quality blastocysts - I’m currently 9 weeks with twins following a transfer of 2 of them

[Blondyboo]

Hi there, so sorry what you are going through. My first round I had just 2 follicles and they only found 1 egg. It didn’t even fertilise. So it was a bit of a no brainier for us to go straight onto donor eggs. Once I got my head around it I realised it was the best decision we made. We didn’t feel throwing money at my eggs was worth it as my eggs were so knackered! We waited for our second go on NHS for DE but 2 years later we were still waiting so after a lot of research we went abroad to north Cyprus for DE cycle. Now don’t give up hope on your eggs just yet it only takes one and have heard storeys on here in your situation you get your baby. But keep in mind DE is a really good option it makes the IVF more likely to work with younger eggs. It’s still a struggle took 3 rounds of DE but I got my son on the third round. I don’t look at him as not mine genetically, I made him and am so in love DE was the best thing we did😊 just keep going see how this round works then make choices after. You can still become a mummy even if this round doesn’t work x

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to Blondyboo]

Thanks blondyboo. What a warrior you are! I definitely give up too quickly on myself, so DE still sounds strange to my husband/doctors and I’ve been talking about DE or adoption since before IVF. Do you mind me asking how old you were in round 1? Lots of love and congrats on your son! ✨

[Blondyboo in reply to Gabrielagrazebrook]

I was 37 for my first cycle had my son from 4th cycle at 40 x

[Shamu5678]

Hey lovely one

Sounds like my first round. Had more follicles, but ended up with one embie, and it didn’t take. It took me a long time to get over it...I remember ugly crying in the middle of a train station when I knew it hadn’t taken. Wasn’t my finest hour!

I have my egg collection on Tuesday for our second round. This time round, I’m just focused on the next step. I’ve refused to get excited about it, or thinking too far ahead. My hubby thinks I’m being miserable about it all, but I know just how much it hurts to get your hopes up and have them wrecked!

I give myself time to think about it each day, then put it to one side to get on with work,home etc. I’m finding mindful ivf, and Unmind and Headspace really helpful - especially around focusing on other stuff!

All we can do is be kind to ourselves.

All it takes is one my lovely x

Sending you hugs xx

[Cici85 in reply to Shamu5678]

Hi can I jump in? Having my egg collection for second round tomorrow. Wishing everyone good luck .

[Shamu5678 in reply to Cici85]

Hope your EC goes well Cici!

[Cici85 in reply to Shamu5678]

Hi Shamu5678 thanks for checking . It went well and recovered pretty fast, I had 9 eggs collected. I think I was very worried and nervous before collection which made my blood pressure up(never happened) .

I was fine on discharge. How did yours go ?

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to Shamu5678]

Thanks Shamu for the lovely msg. Our stories sound similar. Ugly crying is something I know well! My fingers are 100% crossed for u on Tues xx

I haven’t heard of Mindful Ivf so will look into it. Keep me posted on how you get along on Tues. Tues will be my 2nd ‘phone call’ moment so hopefully I’ll be feeling less slumped 💪🏼

[LCharlton]

We've done one round so far and had 3 eggs fertilise (out of 8 collected) and one early blastocyst by day 5 - interestingly I've never described this to myself as "a bad result", obviously it was disappointing as we didn't get the outcome we wanted, but there's something about the way you're talking about your experience that sounds quite harsh on yourself tbh. Have you thought about chatting to a counsellor at your clinic? This whole process is obviously very stressful and it's hard to carry on with life as normal, but it does sound like it's taking a big emotional toll on you and you could probably use a little mental health support.

Our problem is definitely the sperm not the eggs, so we're not thinking about DE but I have insisted on seeing a urologist before we try again.

Wishing you lots of luck. It does only take one xx

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to LCharlton]

Hi LCharlton,

You nailed it. I knew when I wrote the post that other ppl may not see the 1st round as so negative. I was in a dark and bad place in round 1. Really resentful and hating IVF. I’m much better this time (thus calling yesterday a ‘slump’ as opposed to a trend). I have a tendency always to be harsh on myself.. my clinic doesn’t have a counsellor, and I was avoiding going back to therapy because I am already spending so much on ivf + acupuncture (which I decided to do in the lead up and during round 2). But - if the slump continues - I may go back to therapy xx

Thanks so much for your help and good luck with the urologist x

[Stevie85]

I know this slump well! Our first round they collected 7 eggs and none made it to blastocyst. Second round collected 6 and we ended up with 3 fertilised and one great quality embryo. That ended in a BFN but my point is is that numbers aren't everything. I felt so shit only getting 6 eggs on my second go after getting 7 on the first and then not even making it to transfer. But turns out we had fewer eggs on the second cycle but better ones and we actually made it to transfer with a great embryo. Every cycle is different.

Just try to focus on the fact that you have 5 chances here and it only takes one. Don't get held up on your previous cycle because from my experience it doesn't mean anything xx

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to Stevie85]

Thanks Stevie85. Yeah, I’m trying not to go back in cycle 1’s ‘autopilot’. Its hard because the pain does easily flow back.

Your msg helped me prove the ‘quality not quantity’ point that everyone makes! Also the strength and support that I feel from all of you replying here really does help. What an amazing forum I was lucky to come across

Good luck with your process too. I’ll keep you posted on mine 💪🏼✨

[Stevie85 in reply to Gabrielagrazebrook]

You're welcome. I have found the support on here to be absolutely a godsend. I know what you mean about the pain flowing back. I cried all day when we found that we only had 6 eggs retrieved but that turned out to be our best cycle. You just never know.

I am gearing up for cycle number 3, hopefully beginning in September. Keep me posted on how things go for you. Fingers crossed for us both xx

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to Stevie85]

Definitely fingers crossed for us both and everyone here! May 2020 be our years... 🍀

[Stevie85 in reply to Gabrielagrazebrook]

Well something good needs to happen this year!

[Cici85]

Hi , all I can advice is take it easy on yourself . My first round did not go well too but I just have to stay positive. It’s easier said than done but kind to yourself.🤗🤗

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to Cici85]

Hi Cici, you are SO right. My 1st instinct is never to stay positive but we need to. I’m routing for your egg collection tomorrow, let me know how you get along 💪🏼

[Keepingfaith85]

Have you tried the mindful ivf app? It helped me to relax and regain positivity a few times and some meditations are free. I know ivf completely takes over your life but be kind to yourself. Ivf is tough! Xxx

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to Keepingfaith85]

I’ve just downloaded it, many thanks for the suggestion!

[Shamu5678]

Hey lovely. How are you doing? Any news?

Just had egg collection - got 8. Less than last time, and not as pain free as last time

Just waiting for the phone call now! Xx

[Gabrielagrazebrook in reply to Shamu5678]

Hi Shamu, well done on 8 eggs! Fantastic. I had 6, of which 5 fertilized. My much awaited 2nd phone call will be today... zonked myself out early with Boots 'Keep Calm' valeriana natural meds last night and had a long night's sleep, even though from 3am onwards I basically dreamt about IVF and the phone call. Now I'm focussing on work..

Let me know how you get along. Fingers very crossed for you! x

[Shamu5678 in reply to Gabrielagrazebrook]

Sleep is always a good respite! Even if you are dreaming about it!

Fingers crossed your phone call is positive news x