I am feeling very up and down this evening. I was okay during the day because I was so busy at work but my husband is on the late shift and I have time to just sit and think.
I feel broken sometimes, cancer when I was 4 has left me with some health problems, that is, diabetes and hypogonadism. I am also profoundly deaf due to complications; I wear hearing aids.
Sometimes I get very angry at my body and I feel like I am held together by sellotape, staples, stitches, and glue. I am a bit pointless sometimes.
Other times I get very motivated and think nothing will get me down! I was told when I was a child that deaf people don’t go to university, I have now nearly finished my PhD.
Recently, though, I have felt a bit lost. I miss me when I am brave and can face everything despite my body. I have found out that I am lactose intolerant- this is not a big deal but, to me, it’s another thing my body is failing to do. My husband suggested tablets, an innocuous suggestion in and of itself, but all I could think was “yay, more medicine”.
For once, I wish I could do something without the aid of medicine. Like, you know, have a baby?
Sorry to go on. I will be fine, I am a fighter but I must confess it’s taking me a little longer than usual to get out of this slump.
Sorry you're feeling so low. Life is cruel and we often end up wondering why me when dealing with difficulties. Please remember everything you've achieved and how you are still here now. You're clearly a fighter, beating cancer at such a young age, dealing with your health issues and going on to achieve such a great education despite numerous obstacles in your way reflect how strong you are. You will get through this. Sending love and hugs.
Oh! I'm so sorry that you went through all that. It must have been really hard. Life is complicated but for what you have written, you are champion. You have been fighting and enjoying yours. Our bodies are what they are, even if we sometimes don't agree with them. The journey to parenthood is different for all of us but in one way or another we can get there. Please, don't be hard on yourself. You're clearly a fighter. Look after yourself. You'll get through this new challenge one way or another. Bug hug!
Aw honey I don’t normally comment these days, in fact my post about life after IVF is the first time I’ve come on here for 4 months as I could see little point now we’ve stopped, but something made me read your post and I can relate, I’m not deaf, but I am registered blind, have had more operations than I’d like to think about, plus both hips replaced and when we couldn’t get pregnant I too thought oh great just another thing my body can’t do without medical intervention!!
Life can certainly have its ups and downs when you have a sensory impairment! Most of the time I don’t let it get to me and I’m fine and then I’ll do something really trivial like rattle my knuckles on the radiator that I haven’t seen (although that does bloody hurt lol 😂!!) or knock over my glass, nothing life threatening or life changing, but I find it’s the silly little stuff like that that pisses me off, not the major I’m blind thing!!
They always say life only throws at you what your able to cope with, so some of us are clearly made of mighty stuff!
Like everything else you have had to deal with, you will have good days and bad days, in fact you may have good weeks and bad weeks, but if I could offer any advice and it is a cliche, is that it is ok to not be ok, and don’t beat yourself up about not being strong all of the time, some of us have more to deal with in life than others!! You’ll know yourself if your spiralling and it’s turning into something more than a bad patch then please talk to someone, but if it just a bad patch, then be kind to yourself and not so hard on yourself as life can be hard enough at times!!! 😘 x x
Thank you. I think one thing that people say to me that makes me feel worse is “you shouldn’t feel like this” or “you should” and “at least you have your arms, legs, etc.” It just undermines my feelings. I am not saying I am worse than anyone, I just feel bad. I am grateful for all I have, I just have those days.
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this but you sound like an amazing woman. A real fighter. You've already been through so much and you're still fighting for your dream to be a mum. Keep being a warrior. I know its hard. I had my share of dark days and continue to have them. But please never give up. X
I read this and just see such a strong woman behind this message! An inspiration! Please don’t give up - that’s the easy road and you’ve already proven you are able to make it on the hard one! Sending love and support xx
Thank you. It’s not really in my nature to give up. It sounds very strange but the older I get the more I understand my cancer and how ill I was, the more aware I am of my own mortality. I can’t shake the feeling that I am running out of time, for everything.
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Sorry if tmi ...
Feeling meh! Don't think sherbets stuck :-( 
My story with fertility x
Wobbling and I tested earlh
Ugh feeling rubbish 
