Feeling meh! 😒

Hi ladies hope everyone is surviving their journeys, just wanted to have a moan as I know you'll understand! it was my 40th birthday on Tuesday, can't lie I'm feeling pretty devastated about getting to 40 and still having no babies, just feel empty and a bit lost at the moment, we've got our FET tomorrow and I'm just not feeling very positive ☹️ I had hoped my hubby would make an effort but no! He's very busy with work at the moment and I'm generally very understanding about it, but on my birthday I had hoped to be made to feel a bit special, instead for the short time I actually saw him he was moaning about work constantly and it ended in us having a row πŸ˜• he's normally really good at present buying but even that was disappointing, I know that makes me sound like a spoilt brat but he knows I'm struggling with it all so buying books about turning 40 was not the best idea!! I didn't ask for any presents just a cake from my favourite shop but that didn't happen either! I wasn't expecting to spend most of the day on my own (don't live near family or friends anymore) in tears, admittedly I'm feeling quite hormonal and in pain (back issues) at the moment but a little bit of effort would have been nice, he's normally so thoughtful, maybe I'm just being over sensitive?! It's so hard seeing lots of my friends turn 40 this year and celebrating with their families and all the effort that's been made for them, I'm just jealous and sad about it all 😒

I need to find a bit of positivity today, I don't want to start tomorrow being negative, but I'm terrified that our 1 frozen embryo won't defrost then that's it for our NHS cycle and we'll need to find the money to start all over again, I'm grateful that we at least got one cycle but I so want it to work this time, we were both so devastated it failed before, if transfer does go ahead tomorrow I'm going to be a wreck for the next 2 weeks!

Sorry for the long moan! Im off to go find a big bag of positivity now, maybe it's with the cake I should have had! πŸŽ‚ xx

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  • Hiya, Happy birthday! sorry to hear your feeling rubbish on your birthday..Maybe it is that your husband is seeing it as a milestone as well and he is feeling sad/stressed about it being a special day that you have reached with no baby.. I no my husband reacts in strange ways-being angry at me when im upset etc and generally acting like its not right how i act with other peoples babies/annoucements etc. They seem to have there own way of dealing with it. Try not to be upset.. fingers crossed this is your time 😊 xxx

  • Thank you, you're probably right in a way, he does hide how he's feeling about a lot of it, it's such a stressful journey xx

  • I say go buy yourself the cake and anything that will make turning 40 special.pamper yourself somehow today and feel good in readiness for tomorrow.all the best with your FET and i hope that it will be your miracle baby.sending positive vibes to you.

  • Thank you 😊I'm going to go look for treats and make today a good day, unfortunately I can't get the cake I was really craving as it's special order and the cake lady is fully booked for months, I know it sounds silly but her cakes are lush, it just looks amazing, 3 layers of chocolate and salted caramel cake, yum!! πŸ˜‹πŸ· xx

  • Haha order the cake now and enjoy it when it comes in three months.hopefully you will be enjoying the cake with pregnancy mood swings.it sounds like a mouthwatering cake..all the best for getting some joy today .celebrate yourself and the strength you have for doing ivf.happy birthday to you.xx

  • Good idea! Should have ordered it myself in the first place! Thank you for your kind words and fingers crossed for you too xx

  • Yes, order it! And tell hubbie you are going to celebrate your 40 1/4 birthday no matter what, so he has to book a day off and do something nice with you that day!

  • Sorry to hear you've had a rubbish birthday, you don't sound like a brat at all - it's your 40th!! You deserve to be spoilt, especially when turning 40 and on this tricky fertility road. I say if he's not going to spoil you, spoil yourself!! Buy the cake, get your feet up and relax, buy some mags, watch the telly or go shopping, whatever makes you happy - maybe have a nice bubble bath as you won't be doing that after your fet. Sending a big hug and lots of positivity for your fet. The one thing I know is that one day I could be down and the next fine so don't beat yourself up about how your feeling right now xx

  • Thank you 😊 I feel better already just for having a big moan, puts things in perspective a bit, I'm going to head out and get myself some treats, a bubble bath is a very good idea, maybe I'll treat myself to something from lush for a long bath with a good book whilst I'm still allowed 😊 xx

  • Hey sorry to hear that you've had a rubbish birthday! I think hitting milestones are a big realisation that we are not at the point in our lives that we want to be! We all have good days and bad days and its great that we can moan to everyone on here, that in itself just makes us feel better! Sounds like a great idea to have a lovely bubblebath and a good book, maybe add some chocolate into the bargain too! Happy belated birthday and good luck for tomorrow!!xx

  • Thank you! It's true it helps to moan to people who understand, I do feel better for getting it out and having a plan to cheer myself up! I'm sorry you're having a tough time with family, just seen your post, it's so hard when some people just get pregnant so easily and have no idea how difficult it is for others, my friend told me she understood how I felt as it took her 6 months to conceive her 2nd child! She also told me she'd googled 'things not to say to people doing ivf' πŸ˜‚ think she missed the point of most of them! But i managed to laugh it off, she just wasn't thinking and I know she doesn't mean any harm, lucky for her I was having a 'good day'

    Good luck with your treatment xx

  • Yes, had a bit of a cr*ppy morning but Ive gotten it off my chest so starting to feel a bit better, just tired and emotional! A bless you with your friend, Im sure she didnt mean either it but its still tough hearing those things! Well done for biting your tongue! Thank you for the well wishes, every little helps!xx

  • Hey Nemo...I think you need a re-do! :) Funnily enough, it was my birthday 2 weeks ago and the day itself was just awful, cried my eyes out that night. So I had a re-birthday two days later, when my hubby and I went to London for a blow-out afternoon tea with friends...so for 2017, THAT was my birthday.

    Make sure you treat yourself to the things that make you happy and put a smile on your face...whatever they may be. Take some time out to be positively-selfish, especially with your FET pending...if not now, then when?!

    Happy happy Birthday! May the next 365 days be filled with happiness and dreams come true xx

  • Ahh thank you! Happy belated birthday to you 😊 a re-do birthday sounds a great idea, I will tell hubby he has a chance to redeem himself! Xx

  • Happy belated birthday wishes Hun, so sorry to hear you're feeling so rubbish πŸ˜• You're right to feel that way though, it is a special one and you've not been having an easy time. I feel the same about 40 which I turn in January, totally wouldn't mind if I were already a mum. It feels like such a milestone doesn't it.

    Could you talk to your hubby and explain how much it upset you, so it doesn't fester and eat away at you?

    I really hope your fet brings a positive result and you become a mum whilst still 40. Sending hugs xxx

  • Thank you! I always knew that hitting 40 would be a slight issue, think it just made me realise about how much time I wasted before trying to start a family (we've been trying 2.5 years) but who knows it may never have worked even from a younger age, unexplained infertility sucks! And I've had some great experiences and enjoyed most of the last 40 years so it's not all bad!

    I've had a chat with hubby, he does feel really bad that it was all such a disappointment and hopefully we'll do something nice over the weekend.

    Fingers crossed tomorrow is the start of life beginning at 40!

    Hope you're doing ok, fingers crossed for you too xx

  • Happy Birthday, I hope your day has improved. I love the idea of a re-do - and gives you the chance to tell your husband exactly what you want! All the very best of luck with your FET tomorrow. xx

  • Thank you! I'm feeling much more positive now, I've been and bought myself some nice bath bombs in lush and some chocs, going to have a nice soak in the bath with a glass of fizzy elderflower and pretend it's prosecco! Birthday re-do will hopefully be at the weekend. Fingers crossed the FET brings the best ever late bday present πŸ€žπŸ»πŸŽπŸ‘ΆπŸ» xx

  • Happy birthday gurl. Hitting a decade is always hard. But who knows this might b ur lucky 40. See we can't change d past but we definitely make our future if not happy maybe bare able if we hold on to our hope. And please do r stress ur self bcoz these hormones do mess up how we think. Wishing u all d luck . And ignore d martians . They r d stupidest when we expect them to b understanding. 😜

    Xxxx

  • Thank you! Trying to get in to the zone for tomorrow, clinic have just made my appt later but it's fine, I'm not stressing!

    Xx

  • Glad dear u r feeling better .

    Have a fabulous birthday and buy some fine wine and hold on to it for a while 😜

  • Glad your feeling better, happy Birthday and enjoy your bath bombs and pretend fizz πŸΎπŸŽ‚πŸŽ‰πŸ’•

  • Thank you! Wish it was real wine, but hey ho, it's a small sacrifice, have years left to drink real wine!

    Good luck with your cycle xx

  • how weird I just had a friend text me asking if I know what I was doing for my 40th in September like a party or whatever! I replied Im not feeling like celebrating as my age is part the reason im infertile!!! But if I dont do something I wonder if I will feel upset that I havent? you have given me something to think about! papmer yoursef as much as you can and I wish you all the best for this cycle. ( I know good clinics abroad at half the price of UK if you want any info in the future let me know) xx

  • Do something. You're going to get older anyway. So maybe make a list of all the things that you are grateful for in your 39 years so far, and have a party to celebrate them?

  • yeh i might do :) x

  • Thank you, I now have my embryo back where it belongs so fingers crossed I won't need the info, but will give you a shout if I do.

    If you think you might regret not having a party then you probably should have one, enjoy whatever you decide to do! Xx

  • Happy belated birthday, time to get the positive head bk on, we are all in this together, you can do it xxβ€πŸŒˆπŸ’‹

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