One week on....

[OlsonM]

So since my last post everything has moved at 100mph

The house has sold very quickly and there’s lots to sort

He is saying we will split everything 50/50 and being so matter of fact about everything

I’m finding even getting out of bed in the morning harder and harder as the days go by

I’ve lost 9lb and can barely eat at all. Sleeping is also difficult and I’m lucky if I manage 5 hours broken sleep

All I want it to pull myself out of this a little bit. I want to feel like I can function

Not been on my own too much due to family etc but when I am alone it’s all consuming

I’ve never been good at being on my own. Not in the way of needing a man, just being alone

Some people are fine with it I know and that would help

Talking as much as possible but don’t feel like anything is helping

[Cinderella5]

Awww I'm so sorry to see your update! Sounds like you're feeling really rough but you are doing the right thing surrounding yourself with family as much as you can. It is always going to be hard when you have to be on your own but it will get better....just takes time which I know is pretty shit. I went through a really tough break up around 12 years ago and it hit me so hard, I was completely heartbroken. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, try to be in company and keep your mind busy honey. Dont be scared to talk to your friends or ask for help and get it all out, dont bottle anything up. Lots of love and hugs, I really feel for you but you will be ok!!xxx

[OlsonM in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you

I know your 100% right in everything you say. Just finding it all so so difficult right now

7 days ago I was about to start IVF and the rest of our lives whatever that may have been

Now my house is sold and I’m having to think about sorting out what I can afford when our debts are paid etc

It’s just madness

I need to eat and drink but it’s just so difficult xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to OlsonM]

I completely understand....all your future that you thought was there is now gone and you cant see one foot in front of you right now. I dont really have any advice but to keep doing what you're doing. I'm not gonna lie, it takes a long time to come to terms with an emotional break up. You're right though, you do need to eat & drink....even if you can just nibble here and there. Like I say try to surround yourself with company, too much time to think is the worst time and it may encourage you to force yourself to have a bit of lunch/dinner etc with someone. Thinking of you!xxx

[OlsonM in reply to Cinderella5]

Yes one foot in front of the other is soooo hard

I have my younger brother staying most nights and he is getting me drinks and trying to make me eat

Others are coming

It’s just knowing everything I’ve got to sort and it’s all so fast xxx

[Hidden]

Im so sorry Olson that life took this turn. Shows again that nothing goes as we plan. I know when my siblings were going through divorce they stayed with my parents/me for a few weeks. It just helped i guess helping them to keep going. Wake up. Have meals etc. I hope you have a support system. I think this is the hardest part in a break up and i promise you after this you will be on the rising path again sorting your life ❤️

[OlsonM in reply to Hidden]

I have a support system but not in a way I can live with them as he’s moved out of the house. I’m sure he would move back in if I moved out but I have our dog at the moment. He wants to share him which we will but right now he is best at home x

[Blue1986]

I’m so sorry that you have been through so much and now this. It’s not fair!

Your feelings are all valid, breaking up with somebody (even if the relationship was rough) is like losing a part of yourself, it’s like somebody has died. And you have to relearn everything by yourself, your life is completely different and you are not you. It’s all very confusing and desperately depressing.

After my first marriage ended I was on so much medication, for depression, anxiety and palpitations. The marriage was a shambles from the start but I loved him dearly, even towards the end I had had enough of the verbal abuse but still stayed with him even if I was hurting so bad. He ended up coming out to me, which was a real shock. Two weeks after he moved out I went to my friends to get away from everything and it really helped. I quickly came off the meds and booked a holiday. Then I realised that I needed to make more changes. I quit my job and moved to a different country, I travelled and had a lot of fun! It was what I had needed for a long time. Now 5 years later I have the life I had always wanted.

I am not saying go do this, I just want you to know that it’s not all downhill from where you are now and that things will get better and easier. Time is a real healer!

[OlsonM in reply to Blue1986]

Sounds rough but incredible. Things have taken another turn now though and he wants me back. Basically sobbed his heart out telling me there was someone who turned his head and he slept with her after he left. X

[Cinderella5 in reply to OlsonM]

Oh nooooooo!! I'm so sorry honey. I suspected that he maybe had someone on the back burner. What a bloody smack in the face. How are you feeling?xxx

[OlsonM in reply to Cinderella5]

I know - I genuinely don’t know how I’m functioning. I’m lucky if I manage a piece of toast per day. I’m normal circumstances I’d be in hospital or something I swear!! Xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to OlsonM]

Just go slow! No more rash decisions, take your time!! If he wants you back he will wait and it has to be on your terms.xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to OlsonM]

Oh my gosh lovely I'm sooooo unbelievably sorry to read this! My heart breaks for you 😭, sending you lots of hugs xxxx

[OlsonM in reply to Italy300618]

Xxxx

[Keepingfaith85 in reply to OlsonM]

What a complete arsehole. As if he could turn your world upside down and then think he has any right to come crying back to you. It sounds like the breakup was so sudden and heartless, like he just switched completely and he wouldn't even discuss it with you, like your feelings weren't valid. I bet this is a complete shock now after everything and I'm so sorry for what you are being put through. You don't deserve it and we are all here for you 😘 I'm glad your family are helping and keep taking things a day at a time, you can move at your own pace l. Don't be rushed, just take some time to breathe Xxx

[OlsonM in reply to Keepingfaith85]

Words can’t begin to describe

I’ve been cheated on before but always left - hard as it was. But now I have 11 years, a life and a marriage to think of

I don’t u sweat and how forgiveness works as I’ve never done it before

What truly is forgiveness? How do I know if I can get through this if I did say we could try again?

Obviously what’s on the table is counselling (separately and together), house move and basically him wanting to treat me like a princess like he used to etc etc. Basically a complete fresh start?! Is that doable?

I’ve not hidden this from anyone and everyone that knows we broke up knows what he’s done

I’ve never cheated on him ever and the night before he threw all this “can I come back” at me I messaged an old friend (guy). Mainly because I wanted to feel better about myself and I knew he was single. Nothing has EVER happened with this guy before, it literally was just about a confidence boost.

I told him - no idea why, I owe him nothing

Why do I feel a little bit bad? I mean I don’t actually feel bad but I still wish I hadn’t messaged x

[Keepingfaith85 in reply to OlsonM]

I think communication is key so you did the right thing telling him about your message. You shouldn't feel bad though, you haven't done anything wrong,

I don't know how you'd be able to forgive, I just know that you should take as much time and space as you need. It might be that you feel counselling would be your best bet, then you could always make the decision on whether or not to get back together later? What a tough situation, I really feel for you xx

[XxjustmexX]

Sorry to see your update. I can’t believe he just jumped into bed with someone else without giving you as a couple to fix things. Just take care of yourself, you are the most important person in this so just look after yourself! Take one day at a time, no one can tell you what to do, if you want to work things out that’s up to you but just don’t rush and take your time cuz what he did and how he made you feel is unacceptable. Stay strong ❤️ xx

[Ropa19]

Aww I really feel for you! What a time you are having! Like everyone else has said I would just take things slow as he’s not had any thought for your feelings in all of this so you need to make sure you don’t rush back together and regret it or even worse have him hurt you again. Put you first! Xx

[OlsonM in reply to Ropa19]

My biggest fear is that I try my hardest to do counselling and make it work etc for him to get bored of trying so hard and leave anyway

I’ve told him this. He says not

Who knows

Xx

[kitscat]

I think trust will be a big issue for you now lovely. He has to earn all that back and prove to you, if that’s what you want. You will feel confused and very unsure what to do but that is very normal. I think just take each day as it comes and prioritise you. Maybe start with just having a counselling session by yourself. It’s not about him, it’s figuring out what you want now. Xxxx

[OlsonM in reply to kitscat]

I will most definitely have trust issues

Thanks for saying things are normal to feel

Most people are just telling me to run for the hills

Easier said than done after 11 years and no sign of this in the past

I definitely want counselling on my own too. He does also and he’s never ever been interested in anything like that

I love him so much - if I could hate him it would be easier and I could say piss off

How do I not hate him even after that?x

[Cinderella5 in reply to OlsonM]

Its awfully hard to walk away from someone that you love very deeply. Never mind what everyone else says honey, you have to do what's right for you. I remember a number of years ago when one of my friends husbands had a brief fling, my mum warned me not to take sides as they may well get back together.....she appreciated this so much as she did want to sort it out. She begged him not to go and begged him to come back....he did after a couple of weeks and instead she left as she couldnt look at him anymore let alone live with him. If you want to try to work things out then that is completely up to you and it will be hard but some couples make it through these things but you both have to be willing to compromise and talk things through. I reckon counselling is a great place to start!xx

[OlsonM in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you

I’ve heard lots of stories about some people making it and some not. Like someone else mentioned in their reply - at least I won’t wonder “what if” xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to OlsonM]

I agree, life is all about no regrets!!xx

[Hartley1]

OlsonM you poor thing...You've been through so much...so stressful just before a round. Sometimes blessings in disguise. I have seen friends in a marriage who have cheated, been cheated on...some make it some unfortunately don't. This decision is yours....fertility issues are so so stressful...give yourself a break xxx Couples definitely argue...there were few times when we were close to breaking up...his lack of support...esp with his mother causing problems.

Give yourself time and if you choose to save your marriage that is totally understandable.

My sister always said communication is key so counselling is a great starter, but not the easiest to receive as i become defensive. Good luck with this though...Also you need answers why the sudden change of mind from it's over too late...to now. Distance makes the heart grow fonder...this is a possibility...but your house has now been sold...temp separation would have been wiser...what was he thinking?

I would take it very slowly...and do what you feel is right.

You are an amazing person with what you've been through personally and together. It shows as his family are lovely to you too.

Take care thinking of you...Good luck and massive hugs

Xxx

[OlsonM in reply to Hartley1]

Such a lovely response, thank you

This community is the first I’ve heard couples in similar situations actually be honest. Instagram (fertility related) is just full of people saying how close they are with everything and how the other is such a support. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure those couples do exist but it’s damaging mentally to people like me freaking about why my relationship isn’t “normal” because sometimes he’s the last person I feel can help me understand- mainly because he is a bloke and their journey is different

We really have been through such a lot over the years and life’s been tough - infertility and non infertility related

We’ve got through some awful times (obv different to this now) and it just feels such a lot to throw away

It probably all sounds cliche but it’s honest

Never thought I’d even think of marriage counselling- always thought it was like “holding on”. Maybe it is? I’ve just had so much “advice” from family and friends which is all fine and well but I need support from them more than anything. I need advice from an impartial person who doesn’t know either of us apart from what we both tell them xx

[Hartley1 in reply to OlsonM]

Agreed...at the end of the day if you decide to try, make it on your terms more..but at the end of the time of trying to patch things up...if it's not working, you'll know to walk away.

If you walked away now...I guess you may regret walking away too soon.

Also yes men's journey I feel is less physically involved...mentally who knows what they're going through...but I still feel they getaway lightly compared to us...no excuse to behave the way he did...you know this too!

Good luck...I'm sorry your fertility journey has come to a halt for now...but I'm sure it'll start up again...if not with him...you never know...keep your options open...you deserve that...

Take care still always here for you...xx

[OlsonM in reply to Hartley1]

Xxx