Last post this week- I promise 🙈

[PurpleLove19]

Would anyone like to share their experiences with work whilst undergoing IVF?

Has anyone felt or feel as though work may be pushing you out knowing your circumstances? I know they can’t hold it against you as they would be in a lot of trouble but are they doing it subtly?

Are they making you feel inadequate so that you feel you have no option other than to find another employer as they don’t want to have to deal with your emotions that come along with it? They know your priorities are no longer them and want you out?

I am experiencing all of the above! Or is me being paranoid? My emotions are heightened at the moment. I can’t accuse them of all the above because they wouldn’t admit it so what do I do?

The only thing that I am enjoying at the moment is rising to the challenges they throw at me and putting on a front as though I’m absolutely coping. I’m finding that the harder I work and the more I rise to the challenges they find another hoop for me to jump through.

I am being very two faced at the moment and recording everything.

Advice please xxx

[Louanne33]

Hello lovely,

My situation with work is different as I have not told them, but just wanted to acknowledge your post! Sadly, I know that I can’t trust my boss not to tell everyone and given that it’s such a sensitive issue I decided not to tell anyone. It’s hard at times - especially when you’re having a down day but I wouldn’t want anyone to imply, or make me feel like I wasn’t coping.

I think this whole ivf distress makes us more sensitive, and possibly more paranoid, so maybe things are getting to you more than they would under normal circumstances?

At the end of the day, your work can’t punish you or push you out, and they will know that fine well. Just keep doing a great job and remember what your main priority is. Every time I let things or people bother me in work, I put things into perspective and focus on my goal 💕! Hopefully you’ll start to feel better about things!! Xx

[Hidden]

Are you in a union? Definitely a good idea to be writing dates, times and events. I remember feeling very hyper sensitive whilst going through ivf and feeling uncomfortable about all the time off I was having but it is an emotionally draining experience and your work should treat it as if it were any medical intervention you were having. X

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I’m in a union. I am just too scared of rocking the boat. Last time I went off for work related stress, it was more stressful when I got back due to all the plans I had to have in place. Now they are covering their own backs whilst bringing me down in the process x

[Hidden in reply to PurpleLove19]

I can understand you not wanting to rock the boat ........(unless you have to if they are being unfair!) , Your union shouldn’t act on anything without your say so, you can just phone for a bit of advice, give them the facts and see what they’re thoughts are?? X

[Kyell2]

Oh no. This sounds awful and I think it’s important that you document everything that’s happening.

I’ve not experienced this (my work has been beyond supportive) but you should not be Treated this way.

Is it one person in particular, if so you might want to follow the grievance policy. Please don’t do nothing as they shouldn’t be getting away with this kind of thing.

Sending supportive hugs your way xx

[Ivy1985]

If you truly desire IVF to work I suggest you limit your stress, I know its harder done then said. My husband and I are individuals with very high demanding , long hours and long commute to and from work so our stress id say was the reason behind the infertility. We initiated our IVF journey in January & that was one of the things our Doctor told us to avoid. On Feb 14 we had our egg removal, on Feb 19 our 5 day egg transfer and on Feb 27 we found out we were expecting. We were lucky to say the least not shying away from saying IVF was not stressful enough!! But we also prayed our way through and truth be said God will give us everything our hearts desire , we only have to ask believing we will receive by prayer 🙏🏻 May you have the beautiful family your heart desires!

[thepregnantpause]

Unfortunately this is entirely possible. I’ve known of people to be ‘managed out’ for a lot less! I think it is probably less to do with the IVF itself and more to do with the fact you may get pregnant and leave, or they will need to work around your childcare needs when the time comes. I think someone mentioned above, make sure you take note of anything you consider unfair. Good for you for rising to the challenges!

[Joy83]

Hi Dace19,

I am sorry to hear that this is happening to you. I feel I am in a similar situation. I am a teacher and in the last few weeks, my Deputy Principal has said to me (all with a smile on her face), “You NEED to make your appointments outside of school hours” (after she received an email from a parent complaining about me taking time off). I called my union and after giving them a brief history (miscarriage in May, ectopic pregnancy, ruptured Fallopian tube and tube removal in July), they told me “She has no right to say that to you. Your sick pay is an entitlement. All you need to say is that you are accessing your sick pay (no reason has to be provided ) and you can take as little as 15 minutes off”. My school has always said to teachers that we can only take full days or half days off. I have tried to take half days off or make appointments before school starts, so as to minimise time off, but of course that’s not always possible. The union also said they were happy to call my Deputy on my behalf, however I haven’t persued this. Recently in a 2020 conversation the same Deputy said to me “Come in, close the door. Now, when are you having another embryo put in? And when will you know if you are pregnant? We’ve placed you on Year 2 next year” (I currently teach Prep and I’m in Australia). To say I was horrified, is an understatement! And did I mention our school priority this year is Staff Wellness!

I have a meeting booked with my Principal tomorrow, who I am hoping is more understanding (she did say earlier in the year when I had a mini-meltdown after my miscarriage to come and see her anytime and that she herself has been through it all before). I just don’t like to bother her, but I feel that my Deputy does not understand the requirements of IVF.

That is a smart move to record everything. Definitely give your union a call (if only to get advice and know your rights). I haven’t mentioned what the union has said to anyone at school, as I don’t like confrontation and I don’t like to rock the boat either. However, if things don’t improve, I may have to get them involved.

Sorry for the long reply. I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. I truly hope things turn around for you. Xox