So I don't post very often, but I feel I need to tell someone. My OH doesn't want anyone to know this time that we've started so I can't talk to anyone which I'm struggling with already. I've started down regging this morning and feeling really down, this is our 2nd and last embryo, we've been told it's good quality, but it's a 6 day blast so I'm trying to be positive but it's difficult. We have no more funding after this so I feel all the pressure is on this cycle. I think I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Sorry there isn't really a point to this post. Thanks for reading xox
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jm22
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It's so hard starting over and over again. Especially when you feel you can't talk with anyone. There is nothing wrong with a day 6 blasto otherwise they wouldn't use them. Really hope all goes well and you know you have all of us to share your journey with you. You can do this xxx
Thank u for ur reply and support, I think I'm just having a pity party for 1 this morning. The clinic have been positive this time, they actually weren't hopeful on our fresh cycle,so I know we are so fortunate to get a FET, I think it was the actual process of starting that upset me.Thank u again xox
I know how difficult it is not telling anyone - and my Oh is horrible practical so doesn’t get the emotion of it all. Allow yourself a bit of a poor me moment but then it’s really important to focus on the positives as PMA is critical. You have a six day blasto which is fantastic - some don’t make it to blasto, you have a frozen embryo so it must be good quality (none of ours were good enough to freeze) I know it’s all relative but you have every chance of getting pregnant this round!! Maybe try some mindfulness and counselling if you haven’t had any... you can do this.. don’t put unecessary pressure on yourself and rant away on here if it helps we are here to support xx
I'm so sorry u didn't get any to freeze, I know we are so fortunate to have 1, our clinic didn't expect us to get any. 1 of my friends made me go for reflexology with her last month, so me and OH planning on doing it together next time xox I actually really enjoyed it. Thank u for ur msg, do u know yet what ur next plan is?xox
Hi jm22, my OH didn't want anyone to know either but I felt that I needed the support of my close family and friends (he doesn't know I've told them though which makes me feel bad for lying), it's giving me strength by having additional support but if you don't feel like you can do that then we are all here for you. It's so difficult having to keep picking yourself up each time and it is really difficult when you have to fund the treatment yourself and I know it adds more pressure.
I know it's hard not to stress but you need to be in the best frame of mind you can be, I agree with Daisy mindfulness and counseling can help.
I really hope that this cycle goes well for you xx
Thank u for ur message, it is definitely so hard to go through this without telling a few people, don't feel bad, I can't honestly see me getting through it without telling someone,especially when they all know we have another embryo.I think the thing I'm struggling with most is not talking to my mum about it,she really helped me through the chemical as she has had 2 miscarriages herself.Where are u in ur cycle?xo
I'm really close to my mom too and don't think I would have got through the last year without her, I'm currently on 3rd attempt, first with a FET which was transferred last Fri so currently in 2ww,my last pregnancy ended in a MMC end of Aug so I'm praying for a positive outcome xx
Thank you for posting this as I’m the one who is trying to convince hubby to not to tell a soul next time but he doesn’t want to agree. It’s good to see the other perspective and the urge to share our journey with supportive people. I found that finding a cycle buddies on this forum really helped me and we are still chatting even though our cycles are over for now. I also found my councillor amazing. So maybe you could think of these options ? When are you starting? You can always PM whenever you like. Sending love xx
Thank u Kari, I think if this cycle doesn't work then I will definitely think about counselling. I just had so much support on my last cycle,it's difficult this time, but I do understand why my OH wants to keep it quiet, it was so hard the last time, we just didn't have time to process before we had to tell people.When are u starting next cycle?xo
Yes, I’m like your OH, I also found it difficult to tell people that it didn’t work. First time round we told everyone but 2nd time we only told some people and it was much easier. I would love to keep it completely quiet next time but unfortunately for practical reasons I have to tell my boss, my cover Pilates instructor, my family and a few friends who would be pushing me to go out. Sometimes I was tempted to tell someone but then I thought if it doesn’t work I’m going to have to tell them so usually decided against it. I’m going to go back to my counsellor during the next 2ww as I would like to have a bit more positive mindset next time. Im planning to start FET in Jan/Feb. X
Yes I told my boss the other day, I felt I had to tell him, he's very supportive tho thankfully.All the best with ur FET, hopefully this will be both our years xox
Oh hon, I'm wishing you the very best of luck with this transfer. It's totally understandable that you're feeling down, it's a form of self-protection, like preparing yourself for the worst so it won't break your heart if it happens.
So please don't beat yourself up for not feeling positive. That's just another thing to pressure yourself about and we put enough pressure on ourselves as it is!!!
If your OH doesn't want to know, come here and vent or chat, the support is incredible and everyone understands xxx
Thank u, it's just such a hard journey isn't it.My OH bless him is great and told me this morning he is there for me and in this with me, but I think sometimes I just need another woman to vent to as well. It's so great though to have this forum where everyone can find support, I don't know what I would do without it xox
I am awaiting FET, on a natural cycle. I haven’t told anyone other than my parents about this round and I wish I hadn’t told them. I struggle with seeing people’s pity face when they realise it hasn’t worked again and I want to spare myself from that and the only way to do that is not to tell them.
It is difficult if you can’t talk to anyone. Could you explain that you need some additional support and maybe confide in just one person as a compromise? If you decide not to then you know you’ve got everyone on here.
I had 3 FETs, 2 5 day and 1 6 day one. They did the 2 5 day ones with no success (a chemical followed by a BFN) so like you I was feeling desperate. My day 6 was also a better grading than my day 5 ones but I’d been told because it was Day 6 then officially it was worse quality. So I went into my final cycle feeling pretty negative. But it stuck and I’m now 33 weeks pregnant, so proof that sometimes day 6 ones can be better than day 5s. Good luck!
Thank u do much for this post, this gives me hope ☺I was told my 5 day blast was perfect, but it ended in a chemical so I guess it all really means nothing,just have to keep praying my wee 6 day embryo sticks. Congrats on ur pregnancy ☺xox
Well you may not have your family to talk to whilst going through this but you have your online family! It is hard trying to keep your chin up but you have a good embryo there and whilst that is the case you're still in with a decent chance....that's what I keep telling myself too! Hugs and good luck, we're all rooting for you!xx
We had a fresh cycle early this year and from that managed to get one 6 day blast in the freezer. Our fresh cycle failed so we tried a FET in Oct with our one little frostie. This was our last chance on the funded round and the next we would have to fund ourselves. I was already starting to think about that process. Our expectations were so low for this round and didn’t even expect our frostie to make the thaw, but here I am 10 weeks pregnant... I hear that FET’s are more successful than fresh rounds and if you have a good quality frostie there’s no reason why it won’t thaw well.
Don’t worry about feeling down or not very positive - I was the same. As the others have said it’s a sign of self protection and there’s nothing wrong with that. Throughout this whole thing we all figure out what works best for us to get ourselves through.
Must be hard not being able to talk to any friends and family about it but that’s probably not a bad thing. I’m wishing we told less people. You’re never alone though, just one little post on here and we’ll all come rushing to support you!!
Wishing you lots of luck and use this forum when you need it. I didn't tell anyone other than my parents this transfer so know how hard it is not to share what you are going through with friends. Fingers crossed for that BFP 🤞 xx
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