Women over 45 wanting to be 1st time mothers.

[Yazlinda]

I started my journey wanting to be a mum when I was 40. Due to health reasons I could not conceive in my 30s. Now passing the 45 year mark, I still want to be a mum but am I now too old. A few people have made remarks that have been hurtful. My previous IVFs have failed. Does the pain ever go away never experiencing motherhood or will I be able to make peace within myself. 😪

[Miracle43]

Hi Yazlinda, I’m also over 40 and hoping to be a first time mum.

I’m still trying, so I can’t say if the pain and want ever goes away, all I can say is that I still have hope.

Please don’t let the hurtful comments get you down. You are brave and strong.

Have you thought about any other options? Xx

[Angels2us in reply to Miracle43]

Hi well just to let you know I am 45 just had my 6 attempt , and got a faint positive line the other day keeping all fingers crossed retesting again to make sure , but no age is a number don't give up xxxxxx

[Miracle43 in reply to Angels2us]

That’s amazing ❤️ Congratulations.

I’ve just had a mmc which was a miracle, I had started our last cycle and 10 days into stims I found out I was naturally pregnant.

With everything on hold we will try again naturally , I’m struggling with being positive.

I have everything crossed for you 🤞🏻❤️

[Angels2us in reply to Miracle43]

I know some what u mean som days I am really positive other not as much ,

Sometimes something so easy to happen, naturally but not for us , and we have been married for 22 years as well , but there you go got to keep the faith but it's hard xxxxx

[Nat246]

Ignore other people. They have absolutely no understanding of what struggling to conceive is like. You deserve to be a parent, you know you’ll love and cherish a child and that is what makes a great parent, not what age you are. If you’ve still got options, keep fighting for them xx

[Hope4040]

Look at people like Cameron Diaz - recently had a baby at 47. Your not too old so please don’t give up your dream.

[Hidden]

Dont give up your dream. In some countries people continue to have babies untill menopause. No one has the right to take away your dream that is so natural ❤️

[Emmaxxx]

Hey you are not to old. My sister in law had her 1st baby via ivf at 47. Please don’t give up xxx

[Progy7]

A lot of women 45 and over use donor eggs. If that option is for you, there’s no reason not to go ahead. Ignore mean comments. Those people aren’t happy with their own lives otherwise they wouldn’t be saying it.

[Livinginhope2019]

I was 45 last February, I’ve had 2 miscarriages and would have been going for my 3rd transfer in June but have no idea when this will now happen. I’m still going for it. Age is just a number. Don’t let anyone else’s hurtful comments take away your dream. It just means they are twits. Sending you a big hug xxx

[Miracle43 in reply to Livinginhope2019]

I agree, age is just a number. We all have hope Sending big hugs xx

[Muppetgirl]

I had IVF with my own eggs this time last year- just before my 45th bday. Obviously I don't know your physical restrictions- mine were only lack of quality because of my age. It can be done. I'm sat here watching my 4 month old boy kick and giggle on his playmate.

You've got this. Give it all you've got.

[Miracle43 in reply to Muppetgirl]

congratulations on your baby boy ❤️. It’s amazing news.

You have given me hope. Thank you.

Was there anything you did to help with quality? I’m taking so many vitamins and was doing acupuncture ( now on stop due to Covid)

[Muppetgirl in reply to Miracle43]

I ate well - gave up caffeine but mostly because others give up drinking and smoking but as I didn't do either of those wanted to feel like I was putting the effort in.

I did accupuncture for a while - believe in the relaxation from it if nothing else.

I had a drug after implantation that they use for transplant patients so that they don't reject. That was because I tested for natural killer cells but wasn't able to have the drug for that. Obviously I took folic acidic for what seems like forever. Jolly good luck.

[Muppetgirl in reply to Muppetgirl]

Oh I also had something for quality - cetrotide I think. I can't remember now which drug was which! Seemed so intense at the time

[Yazlinda in reply to Muppetgirl]

Congratulations! That is amazing...a miracle. Brings hope to is all. 🥰 Xxx

[Ladybella74]

Hi , I’m 45 after 8 failed rounds of IVF using my own eggs we decided to give it one last try and used a donor abroad , we were lucky to get pregnant with the first transfer and now have an 18 month old little boy and crazily went for another transfer in September not expecting it to work again and we have a little girl due in May.

So please please do look into other options it’s never too late just wish I’d of looked into a donor much sooner..

Take no notice of the negative comments xx

[EasterChick]

Yazlinda, only you know if you can keep putting those feelings aside and be grateful for what you have (even if it means ignoring what you don't have) I was in your boat for year after year, until the Christmas before last when my other half and I decided "why the heck not give it a shot" We had been over and over the "were too old, it's not fair for the child", "what about the other kids (from my OH's first marriage)" "the chances are so low, we are setting ourselves up for greater heartache" But then we said to heck with it, it's only money as we were emotional anyways lol!

Getting my head around DE was difficult - I have to say initially I said no and left it for several years before coming back to it as the only option.

We had 3 rounds with DE (2 different donors) first time we got 2- 3BA/3BB and I had a MMC on round 2. Second go we only got one embryo but it was a 5AA and here I am, with a big fat belly and a little baba in it's final stage of cooking at 36w today - and I'm 49, will be 50 next month.

The best thing about being older is that I don't have any of the angst I would have had younger, and we are focused on raising a nice, resilient child who will be able to cope with life rather than have any expectations of a mini me/superstar child. By the time it goes to school my OH will be retired allowing a totally different relationship than the one he had when he was a young dad. And I'll be able to work part time if I want to, luckily it will be a want and not a need.

It's not an easy decision for you to make: everyone of our friends and family have been so supportive and I've been amazed by the number of quite close work associates who I've known for decades be surprised that I wanted kids. I think those of us who struggle with infertility of any kind are very very good at putting on a brave face, celebrating other peoples babies and maybe nurturing relationships with nieces, nephews, step kids and friends children without really laying bare our own pain (mine was due to my ex-husband, not my own) One of my sisters has said in the past that if I had really wanted a child I would have had one - by adoption or other means, which was very cruel of her and I don't think it came out how she meant it....15 years later those words still sting!

Good luck with whatever you decide - you might have to wait until the CV-19 dies down for the clinics to reopen, but that's probably just a matter of months. And if you decided you can be ok with your current lot in life, well done you. But you don't have to hide the fact you would have loved to be a mother and its the one thing you didn't get to have in life - most mothers will totally understand where you are coming from xxx

[Yazlinda in reply to EasterChick]

Congratulations on your little miracle! Thankyou for sharing your journey, it has given me hope. Wishing you all the best a healthy and safe journey. 🥰 Xxx

[Angels2us in reply to EasterChick]

That's amazing brought a tear to my eye because it is so hard , I have got till tomorrow for this line to show up a week after my OTD I had fet on 26 March, but to be honest it's not looking good , I try so hard to be strong, I haven't bled at all this time which makes it hard because I don't want to let it go , xxxxx

[Yazlinda in reply to Angels2us]

Sending you lots of love. Keeping you in my prayers that you get your baby miracle. 🥰🥰Xxx

[Angels2us]

Thank you xxx

[andromedae9]

Hi Yazlinda,

I am turning 45 in June and still hoping to be a first time mum. My 3 OE IVF attempts failed but got pregnant in dec last year (DE)but had a MMC in Jan. Don't let other people's negative comments get you down. You're not too old.

xx

[FluffyPink]

Hi Yazlinda, I turned 44 this year and we were due to be doing our sixth ICSI cycle last week. Thankfully it was cancelled, as the results from PGS on our two embryos (with donor sperm) came back and were not good - our doctor advised us to go for donor egg and sperm next. I have to say after a lot of counselling I wish we had gone for this option from the outset (we started TTC when I was 40 as I only met my husband that year).

I know that if someone handed us a baby we would be besotted and completely dedicated to raising a little one together - I’m sure you would be the same! You are definitely not too old. Our doctor has been doing this for 20 years and she said last week we could still aim for 3 children (we’d settle for one!) if we go the donor route.

People who have never been on this “journey” have no idea of the deep pain that throwaway comments can have. My husband and I have got to the stage of laughing at the cluelessness of some people rather than taking it to heart. It is like a private heartbroken club. We become so resilient from all the ups and downs.

I really hope that similar donor options are open to you. Do please let us know how you get on. xx

[Yazlinda in reply to FluffyPink]

Thankyou. 🥰Xxx

[Hidden]

Hi

Am 47 and still hanging in there - FET next week. Don' t let negativity get you down. (Easier said than done). Miracles happen x

[Yazlinda in reply to Hidden]

Good luck for next week. Everything crossed for you. Hope you get your miracle soon. Xxxxx

[Hidden]

That is very sweet of you- thank you xxx