so down ladies help : Evening Ladies... - Fertility Network UK

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so down ladies help


Evening Ladies.

I’m in such a state, me and hubby been trying around 4 years now.. I’m 25 he’s 26 he’s got morphology problems, and lower than average sperm count, I’ve got endo, cysts but tubes open... still haven’t been lucky.

Husbands brothers girlfriend fell pregnant 2 months into relationship she’s 18, both of them drug users, drinkers, even drinking and taking drugs during the pregnancy, it’s been rubbed in our faces throughout so we’ve distanced our selfs dramatically. We’ve had no support from his side of the family at all.

Tonight she’s in labour, and I just feel we’re alone, no consideration for our feelings and I understand they are excited that’s fine... but it’s the way they go about telling us the news with no thought for our feelings.

I just feel like screaming and crying which I’ve already done I don’t know what I’m asking for just needed a little rant. X

12 Replies

Hi, I didn't want to read and not comment on your post. I think it's normal to feel like this under the circumstances. I didn't take it well when I heard a family member was pregnant when I was going through treatment. I know what you mean in regards to it's how your told the news. Wishing you well xx

ChloeL934 in reply to MrsE29

Thank u. X

I’ve been in the same situation and it’s so difficult because even though you are happy for those who are pregnant it can still really hurt because it’s something you want so badly. You will have good days where it doesn’t bother you too much and bad days where it does and that’s completely normal. You may also find you distance yourself from those around you who are pregnant and that is totally understandable don’t feel guilty about that. Even though it’s hard don’t ever forget to be thankful for what you already have such as your husband as sometimes you can get lost completely focusing on getting pregnant and not living for the here and now - you never know what’s round the corner. Sending you a big virtual hug xx

Thank u x

Hey, I found that when I started actively doing things such as injections, I felt a little better as I had a focus, even though its still incredibly tough and you feel like you've been dumped in some hole your never going to get out of.

I found the pregnancy announcements were never something that got any better, I would feel angry and upset and why not us, then guilty I wasn't happy for them. But I quickly came around to thinking my feelings were just fine, because they werent me and it was OK to feel like that because I was in a totally different situation to them... my best friends announcement was the worst because of the way she did it knowing what we were going through, and as for the sympathy during our loss 😂.

You will get to a better place with all of this, just allow yourself to feel however you want to feel, hide when you want to, and cry when you want to. You can do this ❤️ xxx

ChloeL934 in reply to HollyT7

Yeah, I did have my surgery booked for 6th May but that’s just been cancelled.

But I’m keeping faith and keeping in mind once this is all over I can have my op and we have one free round of IVF on NHS. X

ChloeL934 in reply to HollyT7

Thank u so much for ur comment x

I know, love. It's not fair. And often people are not understanding enough about the circumstance of having fertility issues/trouble conceiving. I don't think those on the outside world understand just how devastating it is. Sending lots of love xxx

ChloeL934 in reply to ttcemmie

Thank you so much. This community really is something special xx

I’m so sorry it’s not fair is it. We watched everyone else around us have a baby some unplanned it was painful. The worst by far was my sister in law conceiving -she had 2 children taken away smoked throughout the entire pregnancy in front of us. We distanced ourselves couldn’t bear it. She turned hubby’s family against me as a bitter woman who couldn’t have children. They all knew our problems. My mother in law is still all over the grim woman as we call her 😂😂😂 they have family holidays & days our were never invited. My mother in law who claimed to be too tired to see her grandchildren went to see their child but not to see our little girl. I hope I can offer hope here- after 7 years TTC, 4 failed rounds of clomid, 6 years of undiagnosed endometriosis, 4 surgeries ( 3 to treat endo) 1 chemical pregnancy I finally gave birth to our daughter Francesca last June & I was 37 much older than you.

My hubby’s family are horrible & his other brother has only seen Francesca twice. But we don’t care we have Francesca & it’s their loss. I try to support my hubby & let him have a relationship with his family ( even tho they are truly awful people !) all you can do is support hubby you both will become stronger & will be a tight unit. You can do this. Bad days are tough but they don’t last forever. Tomorrow is a new day xxx.

ChloeL934 in reply to jess1981

Oh wow. I could of wrote some of this myself. My husbands family are just horrible towards me, I don’t understand why or what I’ve done wrong?! Saying things behind my back making things up about me it’s just so horrible and makes the whole situation just even more worse! We’ve also distanced ourself now because it’s starting to affect me too much and I can prevent that by just not having anything to do with them.

It has gave me so much hope that’s amazing, I have faith that one day will be my day.

Thank you so much for tour comment xx

You haven’t done anything wrong some people are just toxic. It used to upset me especially after I had Francesca & they still push us out... but it took me a longtime but I realise it’s their issue & loss not to make such an effort with Francesca she has us & we adore her. I accept they are never going to change but refuse to let it hurt me. We had a video chat & mother in law was gushing over their special holiday but couldn’t give a tinkers fart 🤣 however if it upset Francesca totally different matter... I’ve learned to fake it on the rare occasions I have to see these awful people for hubby’s sake. 😉 put yourselves first & avoid toxic people ( even after Coronavirus!) surround yourself with friends & family that have your back 🥰 You are tough journey & dont need others upsetting you. Do whatever makes this easier for you ❤️xxx

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