I’m home 🏡

My dear friends,

Once again, THANK YOU. I’ve received SO MANY amazing messages from you today, they helped me like nothing else ❤️

I’m finally home, the op went smoothly and I currently have very light bleeding and minor AF cramps. I do hope it stays this way as I don’t fancy a visit to A&E at all in case my bleeding becomes heavy and clotty. Fingers crossed it doesn’t 🤞🏻

Mentally I feel.....well, how do I put this? Semi-crap. I thought I’d feel ‘empty’ afterwards, but I don’t and I think that’s good. There was something wrong with the baby and it wasn’t meant to be. It just annoys me that we’re back to square one. But I’ve done some learning and thinking, and going forward will be PGS test the one embryo left I’ve got and take it from there. After we’ve beaten Covid that is.

For those ladies that are sharing with me this unfortunate situation ❤️I want to warn you that medical staff are freaking out about Covid so be ready because they won’t allow your husband with you in the room. That has been the most difficult part of today. I haven’t seen my husband for 7 hours- they left me alone in the room. Until an angel nurse heard me crying and stayed with me 30minutes- that was the highlight of my day ❤️The most caring amazing person in the world ❤️

As some of you know, I work for the NHS- and I have been absolutely disappointed in how they handled the psychological aspect of this experience. I don’t mean to brag, but I work with the ‘top bosses’ of the NHS (and ministers,) I have made my notes (you know I’m one of those VERY annoying managers 😉that creates the rules and protocols and gets people to adhere to them!) and I will be making a report as soon as I’m back at work to address this (in fact, directly to the hospitals CEO which I know, and escalate further) because I want to see CHANGE.

At least a leaflet handed over with a number to call for psychological support (I am also a clinical psychologist so I’m very particular about this) - nobody cared when I was literally crying my eyes out, and that’s WRONG!!!!!

This is to say that I’ll do everything I can to make sure that the ladies who go through this awful time will be better cared for.

I think I’ve ran out of tears for today, it’s going to be pizza night for me- don’t care about the sickness 😉

We are a STRONG bunch, aren’t we? ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I’ve never met people as amazing as you, who have known me for a month, virtually, and have helped me more than my family could. I will NEVER forget this.

And I am here for you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Sunshine92]

Been thinking about you all day. So pleased all went smoothly and you’re back home to recover.

I too work for the NHS and being on the ‘other side’ so to speak has been incredibly eye opening. You’re doing the right thing by highlighting areas of your care that you felt were lacking - think of how many other couples you could go on to help?

Your angel baby will always be a part of you. You are their mummy. They were far too precious for this cruel and unpredictable world we find ourselves in.

Keeping you in my prayers xx

[Hidden in reply to Sunshine92]

You’re so sweet, thank you so much xxx

[Tiddly1984]

Hi Issy,

It’s good to know that you’re doing ok and that you’re finally home in familiar surroundings. Perhaps now you can start to relax and recover and focus on the plan you have moving forward. Stay positive because it goes such a long way when it comes to this journey. Also sorry that you felt so alone during your time in hospital and felt that staff weren’t attentive and sensitive to your needs. I definitely believe that anything that will improve the experience for the next person, going through a similar experience, is worth advocating for. Bless that kind nurse...x

[Hidden in reply to Tiddly1984]

I already feel better compared to this morning or yesterday- I hope it continues this way. Thank you so much xxx

[ttcemmie]

Glad you're home, Issy, and that you've got through the operation. Glad you can be with your husband again too! How awful! Just happy you're home, where you should be, and can start to heal. Thinking of you. Lots of love xxx

[Hidden in reply to ttcemmie]

Dear Emmie, thank you so much xxxx sending you lots of love 💗💗💗💗💗💗

[Wehavethis]

You are a warrior Issy. Sending you a huge hug. Take care Xx

[Hidden in reply to Wehavethis]

I’m wounded but not defeated. I’ll rebuild myself and continue pursuing our dream 💗I’m a stubborn lady 😉❤️Thank you for being here for me xx

[Wehavethis]

And I am here for you too Xx

[Core]

So glad it went ok today. Sorry to hear about the lack of emotional care it must have been so tough not having hubby with you! Great that you have plans to bring it to their attention though!

Enjoy your pizza tonight it is so well deserved!!!xxx

[Hidden in reply to Core]

Thank you Core, I hope you’re well 💗sending love! Xx

[Mmmpudding]

My darling issy. Pleased to hear that you are home. Be rest assured that I am here for you if you ever need a chat. Don’t cry on your own. Write a post and I am sure some of us will reply whatever time it may be. Take care of yourself and enjoy your 🍕 🍕 🍕. Apparently they are calorie free while we are all stuck at home so go for it! You are a fabulous person and the world is a better place because of you. This is no exaggeration. You are truly AMAZING. I wish I was half as thoughtful and generous as you are. Love

You

Lots

😘 😘 😘 😘

[Hidden in reply to Mmmpudding]

Oh pudding, you literally saved me for scratching myself to death just after I got my BFP ❤️Every time I looked at the cream tub I thought of you 💗I’ll be here to follow your journey 🍀🤞🏻We’ll keep fighting! Lots of love xx

[Picalilli99]

So sorry you had to go through such a difficult experience, whilst feeling so alone today Issy. Not something anyone should have to experience. Thank god for that lovely nurse. Really glad you are home safe now. Rest up lovely, take care and enjoy that pizza 🍕 xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Picalilli99]

Thanks Hun, so nice to hear from you- I hope you’re well! Xxx sending love 💗

[amandac84]

I am so so so sorry. I am just catching up with your news today after not being on here for a couple of days. My heart goes out to you my dear such a tragic situation and then in these tough times not having your partner with you. I am sending you so much love xxx

[Hidden in reply to amandac84]

Thank you Amanda, you’re really sweet xxx I hope you’re well xxx ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Francezc]

Issy your an amazing strong woman and your attitude is amazing. Sending you big hugs lovely lady ❤️❤️ you take care xx

[Hidden in reply to Francezc]

Thank you so much sweetie, you’re so kind 💗I hope you’re well! Xx

[AuroraXen]

Issy, I'm just reading about all you've gone through. It's so unfair that our lives can be torn apart overnight. You already sound so strong though, and I'm glad you've had your procedure. Though NOT glad you experienced such crap care/lack of aftercare😠😢 What an amazing person you are though, to turn even this into a positive for everyone else by working to address these failings 💞 Says so much about you. I wish I lived in a fairer world, in which all of us would have our dreams come true. You definitely deserve yours! I hope the pain gets a little easier each day xx

[Hidden in reply to AuroraXen]

Awww thank you Aurora, your words are so uplifting 💗thank you sweetie, I hope you’re well xxx

[Bubunoto]

Much love, Issy! Sending lots of hugs your way 💞

[Hidden in reply to Bubunoto]

Thank you Bubu ❤️Sending love xxx

[KayCan]

❤ Take care of yourself Issy, such a brave lady having to cope with this all on your own today, have a few PJ days, watch crap on the telly, eat/drink whatever you like and just know that you done all you could to protect your bubba ❤ Thinking of you xx

[Hidden in reply to KayCan]

Thanks Kay hunnie, that’s exactly my plan: couch/bed, treats, lots of crap tv 😂and hubby’s cuddles.

I know I’ve done everything I could for my little angel, it will always be in my heart 💗

I hope you’re feeling better and I can’t wait to ‘meet’ your little one 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍I’m SO excited for you! Xxxx

[KayCan in reply to Hidden]

You're such a sweetie, thanks for thinking of me, anxious times but I'm sure me and baby will be looked after. ❤

[RhinoCat]

I feel like writing a letter myself ! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

In these circumstances they would need trauma nurses , like the ones that work In orthopaedics. Specially trained to support the mental side of the trauma . I’ve heard so many woman share horrible stories of no care whatsoever for miscarriages etc etc. 😭

Have you heard of mental health first aiders ? There are courses etc maybe every hospital should invest in this for some nurses or some group to support the mental side of things?

None of these women chose this , they deserve comfort and support not procedure and abandonment . I’m so sorry that this was your experience 😞 it was never going to be easy but neither should it have been this hard. Breaks my heart to know you were so heart broken on your own 😫😢

I am so sorry that your husband wasn’t allowed in with you , perhaps the covid thing was the reason 🤷🏼‍♀️ they are literally scared for their lives .

So glad you are home now . Just rest and look after yourself . I trust Mr 🦞 is caring for you the right way.

I wish we could have a 🍕 and prosecco 🥂 night .

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to cry and eat what you want.

Better days are coming , hold on .

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

[Hidden in reply to RhinoCat]

Yes my dear I actually am a mental health first aider- there’s plenty of training courses in the NHS and that’s really great, unfortunately then it happens that due to pressures and challenges (staff shortages/absence) what we learnt doesn’t get to be practised in real life.

It’s also a bit of poor management because it really takes nothing to produce a leaflet with some uplifting content and useful information on how to cope plus info on who to call (miscarriage association etc...)

None of that is very poor.

Theatres in my hospital cover all specialties so in the recovery room I was put next to a man that had a heart operation as was really poorly making all sort of grunting noises (poor him) and when I was awake with my eyes open and vigilant nurses were discussing his personal info literally in front of me- that’s very bad. I was so angry I couldn’t even speak....

They left me 2 hours without water- knowing I didn’t drink from more than 16 hours (hubby had a backpack with water and food but they didn’t let me see him!)

I am proud of the NHS as I’ve worked for them all these 12 years I’ve moved to this country and during my career I’ve seen how hard EVERYONE in the NHS works- but sometimes shortcomings are really bad.

I’ll raise those for sure ❤️Xxxx

[RhinoCat in reply to Hidden]

And they’re lucky to have you !

They’re under even more pressure right now too .

Bless them/you all. 💐

Now you’ve seen it with your own eyes you are best placed to help change small things for the better

And the rest of us will be glad . 😘💖🙏🏻

[Italy300618]

You are one of the strongest people I've grown to know. You're an inspiration. I am so sorry you have gone through this, my heart goes out to you, thinking of you at this time, I'm glad you're home and well, lots of love xxxx

[shia11223]

Issey May God bless you big reward for this patience and then you forget this bitter situation, love you xxx

[JoP32]

So sorry that you’re going through this and that you had to go through it on your own. That must have been awful - for you and hubby 😢

I’m glad you’re home now though and doing ok.

Well done for planning on raising the issues. Wonderful that you’re in a position where you can do so. Unfortunately I think the phycological aspect of this is often overlooked.

If you’d like other examples to add to your report - I was admitted for both of my medical miscarriages (1st one I tried to manage at home but couldn’t cope with the pain. Second one I was 17.5 weeks so had no choice) and both times they put me in a side room adjoining another side room with women with crying babies! If I wasn’t going through what I was going through I would have raised it with them there and then. But by the time you’re there you’re so broken & battered that you simply go along with everything because you just want it over.

I’m not trying to make this about me btw. Just wanted to share because whilst the NHS is truly amazing in many ways, something does need to be done about the psychological care they give people going through these things. Just because ladies don’t say anything at the time does not mean the way they were treated was ok.

That you’re willing and prepared to stand up and be our voice is amazing! You are incredible and by doing so you could change the experiences of so many people for the better!

Thank you Issy from the bottom of my heart, and thank you on behalf of all those women who will sadly go through this in the future.

Just take care of yourself first though ok! Lots of pizza and hubby cuddles and rest. You’ve been through a lot.

Always here if you need a chat and again, I’m so very sorry things didn’t end as hoped. Xxxx

[Corchi]

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️