No heartbeat at 12 wk scan

[lmno]

Today was our 12 week scan and our hearts were broken - no heartbeat and baby stopped growing around 9 weeks. It was like a bad dream happening in slow motion and I couldn’t believe the news - why is this journey so cruel? As it was a missed miscarriage we now have to decide how we want to proceed - I literally have no idea what to choose, every option sounds awful. I’m so grateful for this forum and to have a place to come where people understand. Tonight I’m just heartbroken for everyone going through this crazy rollercoaster x

[Shelleybean]

Oh gosh I’m so so sorry, you must be utterly heartbroken 💔😢 I’ve heard those dreaded words myself and it’s just the worst thing in the world. It’s just so cruel to have your happiness snatched away like that.

I made the decision to wait for things to happen naturally, as I didn’t mind the wait and am pretty terrified of medical procedures (despite the IVF), but I know some women just want it to be over with as soon as possible. It took 17 days to happen for me and I can understand how that wouldn’t be for everyone, along with some risk of needing meds/ a d&c anyway. I was really worried about pain, but it really wasn’t too bad at all with a hot water bottle, painkillers and heat pads. Kind of a really deep backache was the worst bit for me.

Hopefully your clinic gave you some info to consider and help you decide on your next steps. I found the info on the Miscarriage Association website useful for this: miscarriageassociation.org....

Sending you tonnes of strength and love 💕 💕 xx

[sarahJE]

I’m heartbroken for you, this is just so sad 😞 not really sure what to say, but sending you lots of love and I am so sorry for your loss xxx

[Rella22]

Lmno I’m so deeply sorry to hear this. I wish I had advise for you but just wanted to say I’m sending you all the hugs and love today. ❤️

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry to read this. Sending healing thoughts to you and your partner. X x

[Gueritarubia]

This sucks, my heart breaks for you. Lots of love and strength coming your way. Hugs

[strawberriesandcream]

So sorry for you. You’re right it is such a cruel journey. Take time and look after yourself physically and mentally xxxx

[Busterkitten]

I am so sorry. This happened to us at the end of April. Everything was fine at the 7week scan but when we went for our 12 week scan there was no heartbeat and they told us our baby hadn’t grown since 7 weeks and 2 days. I was still experiencing symptoms and had had no idea. I so so sorry this has happened to you guys too. As for options - I felt like I was given bad advice and railroaded into a decision and opted for medical management. Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. It was traumatic and very painful. I wish I’d gone for the d&c, but I was told that I could only get it under GA and was advised against it. Then the next day a nurse at the hospital casually mentioned d&c under local anaesthetic, but by then there were no slots for over a week and I felt that she was getting impatient with me for swithering over my decision. I wish I’d known about the LA option earlier so I could have opted for that instead. Whatever you choose - be kind to yourself. It takes time to recover, but you will start to feel stronger. Just don’t feel like you have to bounce back, do whatever you need to feel better. Sending hugs xx

[Lolepops]

I am so so sorry . I am absolutely heartbroken for you . I cannot imagine how hard that must have been for you . Massive massive hugs to you xxxx

[CLou21]

Im so, so sorry for you I really am. Take some time for you and to digest whats happened. Lots of love xx

[aamiller405]

Aw im so very sorry, what awful news. Take care of yourself, sending you love xo

[Hope76]

There are no words to take away the pain. This happened to me last year. I opted to be put to sleep and have it all done at the hospital. Mainly as mysel and my partner felt at this stage we had been through enough plus we had booked a cottage for a few days before we knew. Decided still to go so could try and relax and well I didnt want anything painful happening in the car on the way there as it was a long road trip.

You will decide what is best for you.

It is an awful traumatic time but you will get through it.

Am so very sorry for your loss 😘

[Aqua17]

We went through exactly same thing. Was 9 weeks when ours had stopped so I know exactly the heartache at 12 weeks scan when they tell u. I went d&c and would recommend that route as it was quick & (physically) painless. We 're just about to start 3rd ivf cycle. Hope you get your baby wish soon too x

[Kama41]

I am so so sorry. This is heartbreaking. IVF can be such a cruel process. I am in the middle of the same thing right now and very scared I’m going to have to have medical management if my body hasn’t naturally processed everything over the next week so I understand your fears. Thinking if you at this horrible time x

[tinytim_3]

I'm so so sorry. That's awful news. Take all the time you need to rest up. Everything else can be put on hold. X

[EmGLA]

I am so very sorry. You definitely need to take all the time you and your partner need to heal. Sending you lots of love

Xx

[Violet5451]

I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

[slupton]

Hiya hun, in really sorry to hear what your going through its devastating to hear those words I've been there it was at my 7 week scan not 12 but I felt so crushed. I chosed to go home and pass it and I did a few days later I think stopping the medication brought my miscarriage on. I was in pain for a good few hours they felt like contractions like a burning feeling they were painful so I sat in a warm bath on all fours and it passed. After the empty sac passed the pain went. I decided not to focus on what I had lost as I had one last year and it affected me for months. I decided theres nothing I can do to change it and looked at it as a medical procedure and didnt think about it or look back. That definitely helped with my recovery. That happened in april and I'm currently 5dp5dt and the time has flown by. Surround yourself with love and kind people keep busy and focus on the next round. Big hugs to you your doing amazing xxxxxxxxx

[Novice_knitter]

Just want to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss Imno xxx

[Skippy1982]

I’m am so sorry for your loss, it’s so unfair. It’s just so cruel, sending you big hugs. I had a missed miscarriage too but mine was at 10 weeks 4 days but had actually stopped at 6 weeks. For me I decided to have a medical management as I felt I just wanted to be over ASAP. I though my body had already hung onto Ito for a month and I couldn’t deal with the uncertainty of knowing when it would start. Luckily for me the hospital were really good and got me in on the mon( I found out on the sun). I’m so sorry you are having to experience this too at what should have been such an enjoyable scan 😢. Make sure you get a sick note and take at least a couple of weeks off work. So you can get your head around things. Look after yourself & your partner. Cry as much as you need to. If you need to have a rant or anything you can inbox me or message here again. Sending love xxx

[magda22]

I'm so very sorry, its horrible. I'm sure many women here who have also gone through this will offer all the support and advice they can. Much love to you xx

[Hidden]

Oh gosh I can’t believe this I am so so sorry to read this. I’ve had two MMC and opted for surgery both times as physically and mentally I just needed it over. I know a lot of people prefer the natural method. Don’t rush any decisions, it’s hard to take in all the facts through the emotions so take some time to get your head round things and start to grieve. It does get easier I promise and we are all here to support you x

[Helpamumma]

I’m am so so sorry to hear this news, I wish I could reach through the phone and give you a hug.

Iv just experienced my 1st ever miscarriage & words can’t describe the heart ache.

[Tugsgirl]

So sorry. I’ve been there a couple of times. Sending you a gentle hug xx

[Hidden]

Oh no I’m so so sorry. I know no words can help. We’ve been here too with our twins at 9w last year. All of the options are unpleasant, take your time and make the decision that’s right for you. Look after yourself and seek counselling when you feel ready if you think it will help x

[Core]

😢😢😢 so sorry to read this can’t even begin to imagine how heartbroken you must be feeling xx

[Halli23]

Good morning Imno,

Firstly, I’m so so sorry for your loss. I think many of us on here know the pain of a missed miscarriage, it’s so cruel. I also found out at our 12 week scan that our little one had stopped growing at 8+3 and my body was clinging on tight.

Just from my own past experience I think you definitely need to take a few days to process everything and weigh up the options they are giving to you in terms of managing it. And obviously you need time to grieve, it’s a very real loss.

I had a very very bad experience and felt like I was left to make a very uninformed decision by myself. I opted for an MVA to remove what was left inside and the Dr who performed the procedure left a massive part of the placenta inside so it was pretty pointless. A month later I was again left to make a decision by myself as to if I wanted to let it go naturally or have an ERPC. I opted for the procedure as I just wanted this whole nightmare over with. I was never informed of all of the potential risks.

The second ERPC sadly caused very severe scarring in my uterus and I developed very severe Ashermans syndrome. I don’t mean to scare, I really don’t and this condition is (apparently) not very common and more often bad luck from a heavy handed Dr… but I was that unlucky one. I had to have numerous further surgeries to then try and correct the Ashermans and have the scarring cut out and this is now the reason why I’m having to have IVF…

My MMC was from a natural pregnancy over 2 years ago now but the repercussions from that management of the MMC has led me to be unable to conceive again.

I do seem to be a very rare case, but when I see ladies in deliberation about how to manage this awful situation, if I could let them know of what COULD happen, and prevent the nightmare I have and still am going through then I feel like I can help. I would try the natural route first, and if this doesn’t clear everything then consider another option. Your body is precious and the procedures do come with risks… I know that now. Just make sure you are informed of everything.

Again, I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. We are all here for you and I send all my love and hugs to you xx

[Hidden in reply to Halli23]

We aren't as rare as you might think Halli. I got ashermans after safe delivery of my son but having retained placenta. It's a nightmare and I totally understand where you are coming from. D&C's scare me.

[hifer]

So so sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you during this very very difficult time xx

[Lots8788]

So so sorry to hear that x big hugs to you x take it easy

[Dreamingofbaby]

So sorry for this hun. It is so awful. I have been there with having a loss late on and is def is heart breaking. Go for the option that feels best for u. Def is not nice but good to be able to plan for it. Take good care of u Hun. Sorry for ur loss. Big hugs xx

[CC1981]

Really sorry this hasn’t happened. We have experienced this twice now, the first time I thought I would wait (mostly this is what I was told to do and wasn’t really talked through the options). I waited a week and nothing, still had morning sickness etc which was painfully ironic and it was awful. There is no way I could have gone to work and I just laid on the sofa crying for a week. After nothing happened I went back to the EPU and got booked in for a d&c. Personally that worked much better for me, it wasn’t painful and the recovery was very quick - I only bled mildly for a couple to days. General doesn’t bother me and I am fine with hospital environments, which I appreciate isn’t for everyone.

Second time I immediately booked in for d&c, procedure all the same but recovery was different. I bled for a couple of weeks and first week the bleeding was quite heavy and had some reasonable sized clots which were very painful to pass. Having experienced that i would def go for d&c as so painful to pass the clots, but appreciate that now it isn’t always going to feel the same. Not sure if latter recovery was harder as ivf pregnancy, first one was natural during a break from fertility treatment so not as many drugs in my system.

Look after yourself, it has been the most heartbreaking time. Life is particularly cruel at times.

Make sure you have some good boxsets, big comfy pants and treats for your r&r at home xx

[2-shades-of-hope]

I am so sorry, this is absolutely devastating. I would choose the option that feels least traumatic for you, you’re going through enough trauma with the loss of your baby as it is so put yourself first and do whichever you feel will be the least painful option for you. I’ve had natural which led to medical which led to surgical. If we are unlucky and find ourselves in this situation again I’ll have surgical straight away. Please don’t feel pressured to go back to work too soon, you need space to grieve. And later down the line there is quite a supportive pregnancy loss community on Instagram and the saying goodbye services I personally found very therapeutic. Thinking of you xx

[WillowMary]

Imno so deeply sorry to read of your loss it’s so cruel and heartbreaking. Sending you lots of love and light xxx ❤️

[Mybelle1]

My heart breaks for you. This has happened to us twice now, both MMC from IVF. Very, very cruel. Please don’t hold back the tears. Let them all come. It’s needed. Take care xx

[crisps88]

Oh god I am so so sorry for You and your OH. My heart breaks for you. There are no words to say to try and help but know thinking of you and my prayers are with you. I am so so sorry xxxxx

[Mantaray75]

So so sorry for you. I had a very painful miscarriage at 7 weeks with lots of bleeding so chose the d&c route. It was very simple and meant I could get on with my recovery.

Just take the time to heal. You will never forget but honestly it does get better.

x

[Goingforgold]

Cruel cruel world. I pray for everyone that has been through and is going through this awful time. May god/family/friends give you strength. Complete heartbreak. Try and be kind to yourself. ;(((((((((((((

[Hidden]

Hi lmno,

I’m heartbroken for you, this is just so sad 😞. I had a miscarriage on my last pregnancy but it was at 6 weeks. It was painful but the painkillers helped. The worst was the emotional pain!

Sending you lots of love and I am so sorry for your loss!

xxx

[Jessy1280]

I am so, so sorry to hear this. Wish I could say something to make it easier xxx

[Kitcat12]

😞 oh bless you. I'm so sorry for your loss x

[SunnyDream]

I am very sorry to hear that, dear! I know how awful and devastating it is... I don't know how but you should keep yourself in your hands and try not to lose your heart. It is very very very hard but possible. I had an mc on the 7th week and understand you perfectly well. Be strong, everything will be alright sooner or later. God, bless you, dear!

[CLDxxx]

So sorry Imno 😥 I completely understand what you’re going through. I had MMC at 8 weeks after falling pregnant unexpectedly. I was so shocked and confused by the whole thing I felt too scared to have a D&C but wish I had chosen that instead of medical management now. It felt like the waiting made it harder to grieve and move on. You need to do what is right for you which is why I made that choice at the time.

Thinking of you and sending you a cuddle ❤️ Look after yourself xxx

[Blue1986]

So sorry for this awful news. I hope that you are able to stay strong, thinking of you ♥️

[Hope4usall]

I am so sorry to hear this. This happened to me and my little Freddie stopped growing around 12 wks when we had our scan at 12+6.

We took the evening to think about what we were going to do and try and get our heads round it. I opted for surgical management. Everyone is different but I knew I could not go through medical management and I am so glad I opted for that. I'm sure you will choose the right way for you and your partner.

The Mariposa Trust helped me and the book, 'saying goodbye' really helped me look forward when I was ready. So so sorry you're going through this. Life can be so cruel. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and support xxx

[Hope25]

So so sorry - no words seem right. Thinking of you and family x

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[Elynn]

So sorry sweet girl, too cruel for words. I hope you have good people in your life. 🌻🌷🌻

[lmno]

Thank you so much to every single person who has sent such kind messages and shared your experiences, it’s amazing how powerful it is knowing I’m not alone, but I’m also so sad that so many of you have gone through this too. The hospital are calling back in the morning to talk through the options for managing the miscarriage. I know the baby isn’t alive anymore but I don’t feel ready to let it go yet. I’m not sure I ever will though so I guess I just need to face it when it comes. I so appreciate all the advice and reminders to take the time I need to feel and grieve and heal. My husband and I have both taken the week off work and are trying to process and feel and plan small things like cooking a nice meal to keep ourselves going. Sending love to you all where ever you are in your journey. Xx

[Melodys99]

I'm so very sorry for you, you are amazingly strong Xx

[Kempton]

I'm so sorry to read that. So awful. It's probably everyone's fear on the fertility network so just awful that's it's actually happened to you.

Take lots of time for yourself. Don't rush back to work and keep talking to people. Hope you and your partner can get through this.

[lisaoggy]

So sorry to hear this news and it rings close to home with my experience. I was the exact same and it was my last hope of having a baby after a miracle conception. (I am going through the menopause) I decided to have a general anesthetic and have d and c. Sending lots of love and strength to you at this difficult time xx

[Hidden]

I'm so, so sorry xxx

[Yalda]

Hi imno, I am so sorry. It is so unfair and cruel. I had a missed miscarriage 3 years ago and it'sstill hurting. I went for surgical management because it was my 3rd miscarriage (1st missed miscarriage). I wanted to know why this happing to me. I am sending you lots of love and hugs.xx

[Jebby86]

I have no words, just wanted to say how truly sorry I am for you both. Sending lots of love ❤️

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry for your loss Imno. Take good care of yourself. Hugs.xx

[Kyell2]

This is just heartbreaking 😔. Sending lots of hugs your way xx

[Georgie17]

I am so sorry. It is a cruel journey and No words can make the situation better. I decided to wait for it to happen naturally as I had a similar situation and couldn't face the surgical option. Sending you lots of hugs at this very tough time xx

[Kitty230515]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I really feel your pain, I had the same at our 8 week scan. It’s utterly heartbreaking.

There is no right or wrong way to proceed, you just need to do what’s right for you. Have a good chat with the nurses and the doctors. I opted for medical management but ended up having to have the surgery twice. So for me, if it were to happen again I’d opt for surgical straight away.

Look after yourself. You’re stronger then you think xxx

[tiger-cub]

I’m at loss of words .

I feel your pain like many others here I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks just like you . It’s ind if d worst day of my life .

There’s nothing we say will make you feel better . Just do whatever it feel like . I had both d options of natural or medication management. I didn’t need medication management. But believe me I was naive then . It was d most painful experience of my life . I was rolling on floor with pain . I think now that I am more aware I should have gone d medication route .

Look after yourself.

[Alexa3]

I am so sorry to hear this. Life can be so cruel and unfair! Sending you lots of love and strength. X

[ICSIRose]

I am so sorry to read this!!! How utterly heart breaking 😪. My thoughts are with you and you and your family xxx

[ChristineB05]

I'm so sorry hun I understand what you are going through. It is a heartbreat like no other, it is cruel and unfair.

Be kind and take care of yourselves, you will get through this. Thinking of you and sending you loads of love 💞

[KTL80]

I am so very sorry to read this. It’s just so cruel. Just when you think the hardest part is done you are reminded that life can throw this awfulness right back at you.

But having heard those words twice myself (once at 23 weeks, and again at 11 weeks) you can and will get through this.

For my loss at 11 weeks I opted for an MVA procedure. It doesn’t involve a general anaesthetic and, although pretty horrible at the time, took no more than 10 minutes. Very little bleeding afterwards and no pain at all.

Just remember that this is a time when the last thing you want to be doing is making decisions so just go with your gut.

Try to hold on to the fact that each day, each week will get a tiny bit easier. Life is never “normal” but you slowly get used to, and eventually start enjoying, a new “normal”.

Wishing you all the very best, you are and always will be a warrior.

Xx

[purplerain2000]

So sorry to hear of your bad news, it truly is a heartbreaking time. I recently had a MMC and opted for the natural route, this did not work so I went down the medical management route where you have vaginal tablets to relax the cervix in the hope to expel the pregnancy, this did not work either??? I had surgery on Friday of last week and it was quick, pain free and very straight forward. I found out at the end of June and it has taken around 6 weeks to resolve. Knowing now what I know I would have opted for surgery immediately. I hope this helps, the procedure I had was called Evacuation of retained products of conception (ERPOC) it is less invasive than a D&C and they use suction. I know this all sounds horrible and you are quite right all the options are not very nice however in order to deal with things as quickly as possible, surgery is definitely the quickest route.

[lmno]

Thanks for all the comments and advice - I can’t tell you how helpful it’s been. I’m booked in for surgical management of the miscarriage tomorrow and feel at peace that it’s the right option for me. Today my husband and I went for a bike ride to the beach and prayed, it felt important to somehow take time to let it go on my terms before the procedure. Was feeling ok but then just started sobbing in the supermarket when I walked past a mum and her newborn. I know things will get easier in time but I have no idea what this next season will hold. I’m trying to choose hope. Xx

[Squeak2]

Massive hugs 💕 It really is the most awful thing to happen and there are too many words to describe the turmoil of emotions you find yourself in right now. Take some time to breathe and regroup before making any decisions about what is right for you. Much love 💕 xx

[Rowly88]

Sorry for the lateness in responding to your post, I just wanted to say I am so very sorry to hear your news xx

Sending you massive hugs and love during this difficult time xx