Negative feelings towards pregnancy c... - Fertility Network UK

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Negative feelings towards pregnancy chat at work

Kathryn1984 profile image

I’m 5 months on from my miscarriage. I’m getting on ok. When I’m at home I’m good. I’ve been doing gardening, Crafting, yoga, decorating my house and cuddling my dog.

But work is another matter. One of the girls that works there is pregnant and it kills me. It’s whenever the conversation goes to pregnancy, it devastates me. I know it’s wrong, but I feel anger and hatred towards her. I try my best to avoid her, and I don’t talk to her. I know I sound like a horrible person, but it just hurts so much. Im ok when I’m at home in my bubble. It’s so so hard. I’m on my period now, and I’m scared I won’t ever get pregnant again. I’ve almost given up all hope and I’m trying to forget about the whole thing. Today my tummy just feels so empty.

10 Replies

Oh Hun it’s not easy is it?

I haven’t ever been pregnant even though we have been trying for over 2yrs but I know how you feel with regards to the pregnancy conversations. I have severe endo and have been told it’s not going to happen naturally but have to decide whether to have surgery or not; after being told this and that I have low egg reserve I then found out a colleague was pregnant an hr after how I held it together I’ll never know.

I still struggle. I still withdraw when conversations turn to pregnancy and baby’s sometimes even leave the room.

I can be fine and then it will hit me so I don’t necessarily have any advice but I do kind of know how you feel. So just wanted to send you lots of love and support xx

Sending you big hugs, I've been your situation, mine was my stand in manager, she fell pregnant with her first round of ivf, she knew bits and pieces about what we had been through, so never disgust pregnancy infront of me and I kept contact to a minimum. I went home crying my eyes out one day as she returned from sick and it upset me to see she had a bump, luckily she never held this against Me but it still made me feel guilty for been so upset.

I don't have any wise words but just wanted to let you know your not the only one who feels like this, don't beat your self up it's perfectly natural to feel the way you do. Xx

You are not a bad person, you’re still grieving your loss of your baby. And seeing your colleague pregnant is bound to be difficult.

I’ve been through a loss & it’s really hard. I also hoped it would happen straight away from my miscarriage but due to my endometriosis it didn’t. I am pregnant - I’m 5 weeks 5 days but it took me 13 months to become pregnant again.

Please don’t give up hope ( I know it’s really difficult not to) but just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t another month.

Miscarriage Association are good for support & if you are feeling low maybe your GP can refer you for counselling. We on this site are also here for you. A loss is never easy to come to terms with.

I found planning my next move with fertility stuff made me feel like I had a plan & reminded myself I was on a journey but one way or another we’d get pregnant again ( some days was harder than others)

Wishing you the best & hope your time is coming ✨💓🌈 xoxo

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this Hun but it's normal to feel angry while your still grieving & definitely doesn't make you a bad person at all. I found it especially hard to be around pregnant people after my miscarriages until after my lost babies due dates. It was like I was comparing what I should have been going through to the pregnant women around me. I had big problems conceiving but for some reason felt extra angry when my periods arrived each month after the miscarriages even though I knew realistically it was highly unlikely a pregnancy would happen. I guess it was wanting it so badly in order to help take the pain away. I 100% agree with Jess about things feeling a bit better once you move forward with a plan in place. It gave me something to focus on & made me feel as though I had a bit of control again. I hope you get your happy ending before too long. Xx

I'm so sorry for your miscarriage, I've not been in that situation but can only imagine the utter hurt and devastation.

You're not a bad person at all. I think your feelings are only natural given your circumstances and what you've been through.

Please don't feel down on yourself. Xxx

Never give up hope, always cling onto it you are a lot stronger then you think and will get through this! I totally get what you mean about work colleagues and you are not a horrible person at all, these feelings are entirely normal and warranted. A girl at my workplace knows we've been trying but doesn't know anything about our ivf journey everytime I see her she has to mention something related to pregnancy and babies and it seems so unbelievably insensitive and hurtful. I go out of my way to avoid her now but I too have those feelings of anger towards her. All the best to you this is not an easy journey, full of ups and downs but don't give up! Xxx

I think it’s all normal. I feel like this too. 7 month on from our miscarriage and i feel sad sometimes especially when people talk about their kids and stuff. It’s coming towards the due date of when we would have had our little baby girl and it’s getting harder! But we have just started another cycle and I need to stay focused...! I guess overtime it will get easier.. xx

It doesn’t sound horrible. You do whatever you need to do to preserve your mental state. I ha to avoid my sister when she was having her second cos it was too much for me xxx

You're not horrible, its perfectly natural. Over our years of IVF, we drifted from very good friends with their children and brothers and sisters. It was really hard as my best mate has two beautiful children, literally they look like angels and they were perfect babies in that they hardly cried and now their toddlers and very well behaved, great kids. My brother and sisters have 5 between them and its been very hard, my wife is the same that her best friends all have kids now and all her brothers and sisters too.

Its very normal to feel anger, bitter about it all. I have no answers other than to keep up hope. We had a solid plan, IVF with own eggs, IVF with donor then adoption, so we always knew we'd get there. She's 36 weeks now with donor egg, and we're so happy, its like a cloud has lifted and all those painful years are just memories.

Your good friends and family will understand, even if they don't know the full details, like you're trying and it's not happening is enough for our real friends. With work people its a lot harder, as you don't want them to know your business and it leads to awkward questions, 'when you going to have children?' what are you waiting for.

I used to tell work mates we were putting off starting a family, to avoid probing questions, only my boss knew we were going through the nightmare of IVF, I remember one woman at work telling me I was being selfish by not having kids!

So try not to worry about it, and focus on getting your child, don't give hope

x

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.

I’ve never been pregnant but feel the way you describe towards pregnant colleagues. It’s only natural, work is a weird situation as we see these people every day but we don’t want them knowing our business or becoming gossip.

I had a friend at work, we’d become close, who I confided in about trying to conceive - she brought the subject up when I’d been trying for about a year, she’d recently got married and was thinking about having a baby but hadn’t been bothered before and her husband wasn’t keen - so she knew how upsetting the whole thing was for me and how difficult I was finding it.

Fast forward about 3 months... she persuaded her husband to start trying telling him about me and that it would take ages. She got pregnant first time. I was utterly devastated, the way she told me was very insensitive (didn’t hide her excitement, and proceeded to tell me that she’s much healthier than me and a certain style of sex was what did it lol). I cried for 2 days. I then had 8 months of hearing every little detail about either how amazing it all was or how annoying pregnancy symptoms were.

I didn’t feel strong enough to tell her how I was feeling but wished I had. Since she’s had the baby I’ve told her how difficult it is for me and that I’d need to keep my distance.

3 further colleagues have become pregnant since so there is a lot of baby talk in my office, it’s gut wrenching.

My advice would be to remind yourself when they talk baby stuff, that it will happen for you, and when it does you’ll be an amazing mum - I tell myself every day of this journey will lead to me being a better person and mum - you will appreciate everything about it (a lot of people don’t). I think this difficult journey we’re on really does give us a totally different perspective on life and being a parent, something that others who don’t go through this will never have - think of it as a super power. Hugs and empathy xx

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