All I can think about is having a baby - how do people hold down jobs?

[ttcemmie]

Have zero interest in work these days; all I can think about is getting pregnant and having a baby. How do people manage to focus at work?

[Poppyhead]

I do completely understand your point, especially as it’s such a long and difficult process.

I guess the only thing I can say that put things in to perspective for me was when I realised that if I didn’t have a job I wouldn’t be able to even try for a baby, put a roof over the baby’s head or afford clothes and food for the baby........

I guess I decided that I needed to limit the brain overdrive, work gave me something else to think about - so easy for me to say!

I sincerely do wish you all the luck in the world, this journey is so bloody hard and so bloody isolating - if you need to talk, rant and vent please message me xxx

[ttcemmie in reply to Poppyhead]

Thanks Poppyhead. I do have to remind myself that it's only because of my job we can even afford IVF, and you're right, once we have a baby we will have even more need for money! I'm going to stick it out for as long as I can, but it's just so hard to concentrate.

[Poppyhead in reply to ttcemmie]

I honestly do know how you feel - I’ve never felt so out of control of my own life, angry at the injustice of the world and so scared all at the same time!!!

Work is the one thing I could control, which made me feel slightly less ‘intense’.

I’m sure that you are doing better than you think - we always are our worst critic xx

[Hidden]

Literally no idea...it consumes my entire life. I have quit my job twice because of IVF 😂

[KiboXX in reply to Hidden]

And me! I’m a stay at home mum minus the kid 🤣🙈

[ttcemmie in reply to KiboXX]

Would so love to be staying at home! Unfortunately, I'm the breadwinner.

[FrancyItaly in reply to KiboXX]

Lol me too! My kids have paws!

[KiboXX in reply to FrancyItaly]

Mine too FBA2018! 🐶😂

[FrancyItaly in reply to KiboXX]

I have two 🐱🐱

[ttcemmie in reply to Hidden]

This is good to know. I'm assuming when my company's restructuring happens in a few months my role will be found to be unnecessary (because I have missed quite a bit of work!) and I will be made redundant, so I'll have to find another one anyway. Feel like a bad employee for the first time in my life, but I just need to remember that there's always bad employees at work - I'm just one of them for once! What did you do when you quit your job - just go out and get another one or have some time off?

[cggregory]

I totally understand how you feel. Beyond the obvious financial benefits, I try to look at work as a form of self-care. If I didn’t have my job, I’d be obsessing about all of this stuff 24/7. Work gives me something else to focus on (or at least to try to focus on!). That said, my job is very flexible and relatively low-stress, so I’m lucky in that sense. Wishing you all the best ❤️

[ttcemmie in reply to cggregory]

That's true - what on earth would I do all day if I didn't work? I don't know - I've always been a worker. I will just have to see how it goes.

[FrancyItaly]

I totally understand and that’s why I had to leave my job. I was the Manager and had a team of 20 people plus my Director, I had no enthusiasm and of course that wasn’t ideal as I had to be there for my team and clients, but it was almost the opposite! I felt guilty at times, but we are humans and it’s totally normal. I now work as a Dog walker so I can have flexibility, plus it helps me to get out of the house every day. I also have the opportunity to sleep better, eat healthier, go on my treatments and do a bit of exercise. I’m also using an app for babysitting so if my neighbors contact me and I’m up to it I go, and that’s easy money as the kids are asleep and I watch Netflix. I know it’s hard, I always think about it too, all the time. Having pregnant friends around makes it all worse, but soon we will have our baby, we just have to do what we can for now and don’t expect too much from ourselves!

[ttcemmie in reply to FrancyItaly]

That sounds amazing FBA. I'm still trying to tough it out in my job, but if I don't manage it - doing things like dog walking sounds like a great idea.

[PurplePiggie]

I am so with you on this, I've felt so disengaged and unmotivated by my job recently because of everything else that's going on in this journey! However it is a good distraction at times, and my workmates are super supportive so I'm currently trying to focus on the positives! 😘 x

[ttcemmie in reply to PurplePiggie]

That's nice. It's good to hear other people are disengaged and unmotivated at times too. I feel such guilt over it and feel like the worst employee! It can be a good distraction, though.

[Hidden]

This can be such a long process and can consume so much of our lives that I think we need to have something else in our lives, some other focus. It used to consume all of my thoughts and I was planning everything around potential dates and what ifs that never went to plan but on our long and traumatic journey I am learning I need to have some other focus too. After our most recent loss I had a new job to go to and it really has saved me. I think it depends on the job and I know it may be different for different people but I do enjoy going to work and having new challenges and it does take my mind off the IVF for a few hours of each day xx

[CLDxxx]

Thank god it isn’t just me. I spend my day at work googling things I’ve googled a 100 times already, working out dates and popping on this forum 🥰 I need to snap out of it as it actually only adds pressure on me as I get behind and stress is no good at the best of times but especially during this process! Xx

[Hidden in reply to CLDxxx]

This has been me also I’ve spent years googling, my job isn’t demanding so nobody notices. I’ve just deleted fb fertility pages as that’s was all that was popping up I was getting lost into it I’ve decided to spend less time on ttc I feel I’m reaching the end of my natural fertility thinking of stopping opk bbt trying to faze out and moving on.

[ttcemmie in reply to Hidden]

Happy to hear you've been getting away with all the Googling! Good luck in the next stage of your journey. I am in full throes of TTC and have just agreed my next IVF cycle, so could be some time before I decrease my obsession.

[Hidden in reply to ttcemmie]

I hope you have luck with your next cycle x

[ttcemmie in reply to CLDxxx]

I am currently on this forum constantly! And Google, and netmums, and Rightmove looking at family homes (that we're not going to move to). I am also behind on my work, but I managed to do quite a bit whilst my husband drove us to the fertility clinic this morning (1.45 hours drive away!).

[Hidden]

Great thread! I've been asking myself the same question... I feel a bit crap at my job recently as my heart just isn't it. I thought I'd be on maternity leave long ago so never went for promotions as i just don't feel committed or driven anymore.

What's more, I work in the field of adoption so whilst going to work does help me to realise there are other amazing options, it also brings me massive guilt that I'm so consumed by having a birth child.

[ttcemmie in reply to Hidden]

I know! I feel crap at my job too and my heart isn't in it, and I also thought I would be on maternity leave probably over two years ago! So, have not been for promotions in the slightest and really not doing my best work. That's just how they have to take me at the moment, though. We need the money and I AM trying at work, it's just impossible when all I'm thinking about it fertility treatments and babies, and a different life to the one I'm living.

That's great that you work in adoption and that you're helping others, but there is no guilt in wanting a birth child!