Today my best friend at work goes off for maternity leave. Not only did she conceive naturally but it was also around the same time our IVF cycle failed. The CEO has just done a big “leaving” speech for her with gifts and my heart is broken. This should be me too.
We’ve been battling with infertility for 5 years and in that time there have been around 20+ pregnancy announcements/live births (and this is just from close friends & family). 5 years and we've not even seen a squint of a line. 5 years has gone in a blink of an eye but also felt like time has stood still. If someone could tell me that I definitely will be pregnant but without a time frame, I would be okay with that. But the fear of the unknown is eating away at me. Will this ever happen for us? Will I ever be able to carry our baby?
I know I am not the only one who feels like this but sometimes it’s good to get it out than keep it in and I know you will all be able to relate. Sending an extra squish for anyone who needs it today xx
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KDA0510
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I totally relate to everything you've said. I have lost friends during this journey because I cant face seeing people with their children getting on with their lives. I am off all social media as a result. I have lost my faith completely and I am distant from family members who seem to be completely uncaring about our feelings. Infertility steals your future which makes you fixate on the past in a really unhealthy way. Infertility means you have to count every penny thinking of future cycles so you cant even afford to do things, normal things, like go cinema or out to eat. Infertility causes the worst sleepless nights during which anxiety wrecks your mind and makes u have the most desperate thoughts. Infertility makes you bitter about life and jealous on those people that are seemingly less deserving than you but have everything you've ever desired. I know everyone has their own battles in life but this is the worst.
One of my friends who had a few miscarriages before she had a baby told me how she had become irrational when she found out someone else was pregnant when she wasn't and how in those days she would judge someone else's right to be pregnant over hers and look at reasons why she deserved it more than them as it gets you that way when you really want something and you can't have it!
It definitely makes me bitter too. And the saddest thing is that a lot of people would probably describe me as 'nice' but when I feel bitter, I become so angry. I have probably said a few not-very-nice things about pregnancy announcement in general in front of fertile women before that have raised a few eyebrows. Sending you so much love. I truly hope our turn is soon. xx
I started my ivf journey in 2015, just as my sister announced she was pregnant with her first! My cycle failed just as she was blooming into her pregnancy.. it hit me hard..
After she had the baby there was no where to hide, i was subjected to this poor innocent baby, that I wished was my own!
We decided to give life a chance and just see what happens.. nothing did.. so we decided to start again with ivf in April of this year, just as my sister announced she was pregnant with her second! Once was enough but the second time I thought was just cruel!
My sister gave birth just as I was going through my wait to see how many eggs had fertilised and were any good to be frozen. It was hell!
I held it together knowing one day my day would come. I can’t stop other people having babies, I can’t stop seeing woman with their blooming bumps and holding newborns in their arms.
At nearly 40 all my friends were on their 2nd or even 3rd baby, I’d lost friends and isolated from the ‘baby mums’ from making new ones.
Infertility is a lonely place!
I decided that all I had to worry about was me and my self care.
Today as I write this I am just waiting to have my bloods done with my midwife. I am 8 weeks pregnant, I knew one day my day would come.
I’ve got a long road to go, but I had faith and belief that through it all good things would happen!
Trust in yourself and believe in the impossible.. nothing that ever came easy was ever worth it. Amazing things do happen..
Wishing you all the best for your journey.. stay strong xx
Oh this just made my heart feel so full. It is definitely stories like this that make me think that this is not out of reach for me. Huge congratulations to you - what a journey you have had. Sending the absolute best of luck for a healthy pregnancy xxx
Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel. Super unfair how many people are getting pregnant, including people who have never wanted kids or aren't even in relationships! Ugh. There's one friend I have who has a due date two days after mine would have been (missed miscarriage) and I can't meet up with her as she constantly complains about how hard being pregnant is and how she's not sure she even wants kids and she wasn't even trying. Super annoying! Trying to explain it to people that aren't going through infertility is impossible. I said to another friend yesterday that it feels like our life has been on hold for three years, and she was like well don't put your life on hold. How can I not?! Our life is on hold. It's not something I'm doing - it just is! Mentally, it is a very difficult process to be constantly in limbo, but also fixating on the future and the past at the same time. Looking forward to when we are parents and I can move on from this (although I will never forget the struggle).
I totally get this! And you're not at all being negative. Unfortunately, for us (people still in the game!) it is the only way to describe/understand this sort of pain. I still constantly get 'well you can just adopt' - even from people who I have confided in and expected to 'get it'. But they don't. No one will honestly be able to understand unless they have been there. I truly hope it is our turn soon. Lots of love to you xx
Talking about abandoning my cycle off today's scan (i need a squish) and someone just announced they are 12 weeks pregnant. Apparently Cameron Diaz has had a baby at 47!
Just decided that life can be shitty, it's a rollercoaster. Infertility is so hard but so many others are going through it aswell just no one talks about it. My friend at 12 weeks had a miscarriage last year at 11 weeks.
If you think about it, it's not just infertility that's shitty. Death is also a b@$t@rd. We are warriors, vent it out here where we all understand x
Ugggh that is horrid. I'm so sorry your cycle was abandoned (extra squishy squish for you). How are you holding up?
Life is SUCH a rollercoaster. It honestly is the only way to describe it; just as though you think you're getting through a high, you can drop to a low within an instant.
Sending you the best of luck for when you start your next cycle again. It has to be our turn soon xx
So sorry to read you story. What a difficult time you’ve had. I hope that one day your time comes and that you’re the happy mummy giving hope to others...x
It’s definitely better to get it out. I feel exactly the same the last few of my friends babies have arrived literally the same dates as ours would have if the ivf had worked. My heart breaks watching each pregnancy blossom. But we can get through this. We have been ttc for ten years 5 rounds of ivf and no sign of a line. Life’s so shit sometimes xxx
I have felt everything you are feeling too, and the same as you I thought if someone could tell me I could conceive & carry a child I would be fine with whenever that time was. My best friend got pregnant a couple of years ago, the first month with no protection, this was really really hard for me. 6 years TTC for us & we were lucky after 18 months of IVF to get our BFP. I never gave up hope (Difficult on the really hard days) but we made it & you will too❤️ Sending you the biggest hug❤️xxx
Thank you so much. And lovely to read you got your long-awaited BFP <3 Stories like yours help me keep the faith. Sending you the best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy xx
Sending you bigs hugs. I relate to your post so much. We are in our fourth year of infertility and I have never been pregnant. A member of my team is coming back from maternity next week and I’m dreading it!! I really hope you get your happy ending. xxx
Ugh, that is so tough. We currently have 3 pregnant women at work and 2 of them (one incl my friend) have just gone on their maternity leave. I am dreading the birth photos that team leaders send out to the company. I think it is particularly difficult when it is people at work, because you can't get away from that Sending you lots of love and I truly hope it is our turn soon! x
Sending you a big squish back (and to everyone else), whilst I'm lucky to have some really understanding family and friends there are some who just don't seem to get it! Everytime we find out someone else we know is pregnant it's so painful, then I feel guilty and like an awful person but I just can't help it the thing that has flummoxed me the most in this whole journey is that even medical professionals don't seem to get the urgency and importance, some have been good but honestly I've been left thinking some others are clearly in the wrong job! Xx
Oh I totally agree! A nurse once told me 'you're still so young' and I was like, 'that is really not helpful!!!'. I know they try to mean well, but sometimes a 'I'm sorry this is so shit' is all that is needed.
I always feel guilty when I consciously don't ask friends about their newborns (they know about my journey). But we are suffering enough already physically/mentally/emotionally and I have to keep reminding myself that I have to do what I have to, to protect my heart and mental health. Sending you lots of love and hope it's our turn soon! We've been waiting long enough xx
Totally, we need to protect ourselves, and hopefully most people who know what we are going through will understand. I was lucky to get a nurse doing bloods last time at the GP's who had TTC for 13 years and then had twins!! So she totally got it, but she's definitely the minority, it backs up that unless you've been through it you can't really get it. Sending you love and positive vibes, it will be our turn soon xx
I really feel for you. It’s really hard when something you want with all your heart is out of your control. The unknown make the failures hurt more. On the day I got my negative I told my best friend and she sent me a picture of her positive it broke my heart and made my failure so much harder for me to come to terms with. She is due to the day I would have been. She can be insensitive sometimes and forget that I would have been pregnant like her. She got pregnant the first month she tried too. I really have to try not to get upset sometimes. I have to say to myself hers or anyone else’s pregnancy or baby can’t effect me as it’s not my experience it’s theirs. Plus she is a great mum already.
I truly do know how you feel. All you can do is stay positive and keep going till you can’t no more and if that happens then you can look at other options to become a mother. You deserve that joy and it will happen for you xxx
Oh wow - that is pretty insensitive The day I told my brother + SIL that our cycle failed, she sent me a photo of our cousin's newborn and said 'congratulations on becoming an Auntie!'. I was absolutely gobsmacked. My SIL is a lovely person but honestly, she just doesn't think (I think some people are a lost cause, lol).
Sending you the best of luck for your forever baby. It just HAS to be our turn next xx
I opened up healthunlocked on my phone after not visiting for a while as this is exactly how I am feeling today. I'm so sorry that you are going through this too. I'm afraid I don't have any advice . My best friend who we've had our ups and downs with because of fertility issues just whatsapped me to say she's pregnant with her second as I've just failed a round of IVF . We've been trying for five years too. She's arranged a dinner with all our friends who also have kids to tell them and now I feel trapped like I have to go as I've said I could go (she told me news after we made the arrangement). Life just feels like a smack in the chops sometimes x
Hey, If you need to make an excuse then make one. She’ll be happy either way and she’ll love being the centre of attention with so many congratulating her. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or give yourself more than you’re able to cope with. It’s not worth making yourself miserable when you’ll feel that much more than the happiness your friend will experience having you there amongst many. Be kind to yourself. X
Oh hun It is just shit. We've all been given a membership to one of life's worst clubs. I want so badly for all of us waiting, to become mums. I have lost touch with a lot of friends organically but I know that infertility probably has a part to play as they have kids and I don't. Sending you the biggest hug and lots of love. I really hope we aren't waiting too long - I mean, it has to be our turn right?! xx
It always helps doesn't it to talk about things to those who understand.
Yes it hurts doesn't it when you see others experiencing the things you want for yourself and should have had but sadly lost out on.
You can be glad for them but sad for your situation as it sucks!
I hate uncertainty as well so it's not just you who feels like that and I just say how none of us knows what they futures going to hold.
I think it definitely is the 'uncertainty' that irks me the most. Because even though hubby and I talk about Plan B, C and D - I don't think I am ready to explore those options yet at all. But thank you for your kind words x
I totally get what you mean! This feeling has to be a documented side effect of infertility. I am 29 and 3TTC, ever since I thought about being a mum “when I grew up” I thought I’d have my babies by the time I was 30 especially since I’ve been with my hubby for 13 years this year. I feel like I’m having a melt down. I have friends, best of friends who were scared to tell me they were pregnant 1st and 2nd time round because it was obviously something I want/need in my life and I can’t have it. Thankful I have my four legged baby 🐶 to distract me from going crazy every hour of the day!
Oh saaame. I was expecting to have at least 2 babies by now at 33 (I wanted 3! But would be grateful would even 1 for now). We also adopted a furbaby last year (a gorgeous cat) who has definitely helped fill some of that hole. Sending you lots of love and luck - it'll be our turn next! xx
Hello KDA, I’m sorry to hear how your feeling. I too feel like this and it’s hard not to feel guilt about getting upset and angry at life isn’t it? Myself and my husband have been TTc for 5years, last January we had a blyted ovum through our 2nd IVF and had another round in July which saw me getting a bad infection and having an FET cycle which failed in November. We’re just about to start another FeT soon but it’s hard to see the positives, I should be as we have once embryo left but hard when we’ve had so many BFN already.
I don’t know about you but I go through phases of being ok and getting on with life and then bang reality hits and it goes back to feeling crappy. It’s usually when there’s another appointment or like others have said another announcement. We also have had many friends over the years had children and although we’re happy for them were sad for ourselves. The not getting inviting to things is also hard as we’re not in the ‘children group’ and as hard as it is tthe only way we get through it is through self care and each other, having things to look forward even if it’s going for a nice walk together.
Keep your head up high you are stronger than you believe, this journey is horrible but another hurdle is one step closer to getting your dreams xx
Oh I wish I could give you a big hug. It's so tough. And yes, I totally get not being part of the 'children' club. It's so ironic because I avoid all the mums at family/friend gatherings but I naturally am quite a big hit with children, so I end up having to play the babysitter. I almost feel that is less triggering than having to stand around with parents talking about their kids. Sending you the absolute best of luck for your FET; it's got to be your time xx
KDA0510, I totally agree with you and also what others are saying too! Especially the children club thing. Friends don’t invite us to things anymore as their meet ups revolve around children and they say they think ‘we’d be bored’ because we (still) don’t have any kids. Because every single one of our friends have children we very rarely get invited anywhere! It just adds insult to injury. Infertility is very lonely at the best of times and this certainly doesn’t help!
Sending KDA0510 and everyone on here the very best of luck for 2020. I hope everyone gets their long awaited 🌈🤞🏻 Xx
Oh gosh, that is triggering in itself not being invited just because you're waiting to grow your family. I have actually spoken with my friend who stopped inviting us to birthday parties, etc. Bless her, she said she thought it would upset me being the only one there with no kids. And it did make me think, infertility makes so many situations lose-lose. If you're invited and you're the only one without kids, it's shit. It you're not invited because you're the only one without kids, it's shit. It's just all so shit! Hoping 2020 is kinder to you too JoP32 Best of luck xxx
I think if we are honest we can all relate to this. It’s one of the hardest raw things to go through! Seeing everyone happy and elevated and you have to be for them and you are of course your not a monster but your not as well and that’s ok. It’s ok to feel it. It doesn’t make us bad people. I have a son now after 6 miscarriages and 2 ½ years of hell and now that I have him I’m that much more considerate of people around me that I know want but can’t for whatever reason. I feel their anguish. I am now trying to have baby number two but i has another miscarriage at 3 months old and then nothing for a year and now just did my egg retrieval and praying to the heavens that healthy embryos will be able to be frozen to have a sibling for our angel. It’s so so hard. It’s excruciating and I feel you and I just want to say ITS SO NORMAL
Oh Corchi - what a tough time you've had. So happy you've been blessed with your little boy and I hope that baby no.2 is one of those embryos. Thanks for your kind words. I think the hardest thing is that infertility changes the way you feel 'joy'. I want to genuinely feel happy for everyone around me but infertility changes that because all I do is feel sad for me. I hope I get better but I know not to beat myself up if I can't. I am only human, after all. Sending you lots of luck and love x
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And it is so hard because you want to be there for your friend and vice versa, but mentally/emotionally it's exhausting. 
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