Did anyone find that they were distanced from friends or lost friends during their infertility journey?
4 of my friends are pregnant and due around the same time and are in a separate WhatsApp group that doesn’t include me. I feel hurt and really left out and am now questioning our friendships. Maybe I need some new friends. 😢
You are not alone, I'm completely in the same boat. My best friend since I was 11 years old has just stopped contacting me. I've not caused a fuss I've just excepted it and left her to it really. I've excepted that other peoples lives just continue and infertility only really effects the two people going through it. I wont forget though when I'm through the other side of this. Me and my husband just look after each other now. Hope you have some support. Xx
Oh I’m sorry that your friend has stopped contacting you. I think your right in that other people’s lives continue and infertility only affects the 2 ppl going through it. In my case I feel really alone as my husband is very optimistic and seems to be able to get on with life. I have always been more sensitive to other people’s lives and supportive towards them but now I’m trying to prioritise myself and value my own time. I have a little support but I’m going to start counselling to try and help me through this xx
My best friend gave birth the day before our last transfer. I didn't see her once during the pregnancy and barely spoke.
Your friends probably don't want to hurt you or 'rub it in' considering they have the most precious thing that you want. I don't think that people who haven't been through what we have really know what it's like, what to do or say. I would try not to take it too personally xxxx
Yes but not because theyve left me out, its because they dont really get it and so i hold it all inside because its sooo hard when youre the only one. There were two of us trying, she thought it would be hard for her to get preg. Took her 6 months, when she told me i felt like id been stabbed in the stomach. Felt so alone and i took weeks to process it, and that was a few years ago and its not really much better. Everyone of my friends have their kids, and i am still fighting a losing battle to complete my family. Thats why im so grateful for this forum now im having to try ivf for the first time x
Nobody really gets it darling unless they have had to walk in the shoes of the couples going through it .Ive one good friend who knows everything about me but the most important people in my life is my son and my amazing partner who guides and supports me wether it be good or bad I’ve been quiet in here for a bit but this forum has been a blessing and it’s made me realise it’s strangers going through he the same as you that really understand you the most and I find hat sometimes quite bizarre but as long as you have someone who makes you feel like your all that matter to them then that’s all you need .We are all your buddies here and you will always find someone who will try give you an answer or just a bit of support .Chin up darling you certainly ain’t alone real friends don’t exclude friends from the mum to be circle regardless of your infertility journey xxx
I wouldn't say I have lost friends, but I definitely feel the friendships are different now and I certainly feel I am getting left behind. I find social events end up being baby talk / children talk / brand of prams etc etc. Conversations I can't contribute to. They don't mean it and their children are their world so of course they are going to talk about them, but it is hard. On the other hand I still have friends who don't have children so I'm not totally left out just yet! I expect they have done this to try and avoid hurting you. It's all probably baby talk. It's such a difficult situation. Stay strong, I'm sure they still treasure your friendship, but maybe they just dont know how to deal with such a situation. Take care xxx
Thank you. I agree. Our friendships have changed and it’s now all one sided. When did it become ok to talk about yourself and not as if I was ok? Maybe I’m expecting too much from people? I don’t know. It’s tough. I would hate a friend of mine to feel like I do. Xxx
I know what you mean. I think they are so naive though that they are unaware they are doing it. Doesnt make it easy for us though! I think unless they have been through it themselves, they will never truly understand what we are going through xxx
Hi kitscat. Absolutely can relate to this, I even changed hairdressers when I found out she was pregnant because I just couldn't handle it!! But I also cut friends out who were just being nosey and used to want a weekly update of my fertility, 'Any baby news yet' 😡I got so sick of it that I just blew one day and said 'when I have something to tell you you will be the first to know' . Like this journey isn't hard enough without having to feel like you're the latest gossip!! Anyway I feel this journey has filtered alot of friends out for me, I know who is there for me through thick and thin now and learned its quality over quantity, and will not be looking back! 🥰
For me it was the other way around, I distanced myself because I felt uncomfortable around pregnant friends 😞
This is exactly what I have done but now my friendship group is very small, but I just can’t deal with the constant baby and pregnancy talk anymore.
I haven't had so much of a struggle with my friends having their babies, but I remember not being able to rejoice as much as I felt I was supposed to when my SIL got pregnant - and it wasn't even planned! Well, I admit that I as a professional in the field also tried to give here some advice and guidance for her to make i formed choices, that wasn't so well received, but either way, I've felt that it at some point rose a wall between us that I'm still not able to climb over... It's also been difficult with some other relatives having their babies... Now that I'm finally on this journey myself, I hope some relations can be fixed eventually, but most importantly: I hope not to be that gross person myself making other women feeling worse than necessary in their lives' struggle...
Yes I completely know how you feel. My husband and I have been left out of our old group of friends because they all have kids, most are on their third, and they arrange play dates and even holidays. I think they feel weird about us. I've isolated myself too because some of my friends are too busy in their own lives to bother. It's obvious they don't really get it. I don't care. I don't need them anyway. If they can't support me when I am at my lowest then they can't be real friends
The person I thought was my best friend, hid from me her second pregnancy for 6 months.. I found out by chance, and I was really broken, because I had the feeling she didn’t mention it because she was scared of my jealousy😞I heard from her months after, she called to inform me of all my other friends pregnant with second and third child... I asked myself was it necessary? Not at all.. from that day I left her behind. She contacted me recently after one year of silence.. but I don’t know if I can handle talking to her again..
It’s hard when you feel so hurt. Is it worth having an honest conversation with her? If you feel the friendship is lost anyway you have nothing to lose?
I’m a chronic over-thinker and will over analyse everything. I’m seeking counselling to try and stop this. Xx
I feel this especially when there is baby talk and I can't contribute. This being said, I told my friends that I am happy for them and I don't want to miss out on their lives so they do keep me posted. Even though it's hard as we want what they have, I try my best to keep hopeful that I will get there and the friendship is important to keep especially when we becomes sucessfull and will need their support. I don't know where you are based but if you need a friend going through the same, I'd be happy to meet up with you so do private message me xx
I think what you are saying is so important!! I don’t want to lose them as friends either. It’s very hard. It doesn’t help that I feel so hopeless about everything and am terrified I will never get there! I live in South Wales. Where do you live? Xxx
Yes dear this is such a difficult journey
So many friends and family are lost .keep your focus on what u want .
Bcoz once you are all sorted these floating friends or family can always be won back.
I think there is a lot of people who can relate to this going through infertility. I’m sure they aren’t intending to hurt you but I would be the very same. It’s a horrible feeling been left out, especially something as cruel as the infertility rollercoaster. I hope you have others or even one other person you could comfort in? A family friend, cousin, aunt, anyone, be had it’s so important to talk. If you don’t, maybe seek some counseling , it definitely can’t hurt.
I too lost someone I once called my best friend, she new my whole story and then got pregnant literally first month, it went hard on me but she couldn’t understand and became sharp and nasty towards me because I wasn’t falling all over her. I’d receive pics and snaps of her bump and she’d even ask if I wanted to feel it moving 😭😭 things got worse as it went on and I’ve now completed took myself out of her life and I feel all the better for it. I have a small few other friends who are there for me incredible and they even have kids too but the difference is paramount. It’s so true that you find out who your real friends are when times are rough.
I hope you’ll be ok and just remember , real friends don’t turn their back on you . I hope you get your happy ending very soon xx
Hey Kitscat. This really struck a chord with me as I totally get it, it's so damn hard. As if we don't have enough to battle with as it is!
I had plans to meet with 3 friends for breakfast yesterday....one with a 2 year old, one with a 3 month old and one with a 5 month bun in the oven. It had been planned for weeks and I toyed so much with cancelling as I knew it would be 90% baby talk I couldn't contribute to. But I did go and actually had a chat with my pregnant friend about how these things make me feel. I basically told her not to alter how she is around me because no one can ever win anyway. If I'm excluded from stuff to try and spare my feelings, that will upset me as much as it hurts listening to it all.
I can only imagine how finding out about this WhatsApp group your friends have has made you feel 😔 for all I know, my friends have one too. Are you close enough to any of them to tell them how it's made you feel? This whole process can be so isolating can't it?
Thinking of you and take care. X
PS and then there's me, 2 and half weeks in to down regulation for 3rd ICSI cycle!
Yeah, we can totally relate & it hurts.. I also hate it when they keep talking about their kids and motherhood.. I try to be all nice but deep down, I’m hurting bad 
Hey Kitskat,sorry ur going thru that. I too was in the same situation as u. 4 of my best friends were pregnant n when they always used to joke abt it n say get pregnant n join us as if it was tha easy. They then started distancing themselves from me n one actually asked me to be her birthing partner which was so hard for me but I did it anyway. We did ivf after the birth of my friend n I got pregnant with twins but sadly lost one at 14 weeks. But yea they won’t understand wat ur going thru,it’s tough. Now they are acting normal with me which is sad they didn’t do that before. I hope ur ok. I pray u get pregnant n have ur baby too x
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