Partner winding me up in every way

[Infertilemyrtle]

Hi all, I'm going for my EC tomorrow. Instead of worrying about how many follies there will be, I am fuming at my partner. He tried to hand sand all the kitchen work tops on Sunday and realised had to buy an electronic sander. I have dust allergies and my eyes have swollen up and I've been sneezing all week. I've had no kitchen so we've had to eat takeaway which is pretty unhealthy and now he has organised for a commercial cleaner to come in and clean for 5 hours just as I get back from hospital tomorrow to rest. Urgh, is it just the hormones making me see red?? Has anyone else's partners suddenly become so annoying in the weeks before EC?? Need to rant on here as normal friends don't understand why you want everything to be peaceful the weeks before EC. They think IVF is a walk in the park!

[EmGLA]

hello

That does sound pretty inconsiderate, so I completely get why you are annoyed/frustrated. I think its maybe because alot of male OHs don't really get the IVF process. I know I'm totally generalising here, but this is my experience with my partner, qudos to all you lucky women out there with really motivated OHs. I think although they go to the appointments and maybe scan a forum or ask google, because it isn't actually happening to them they struggle to fully comprehend the whole process. The number of times my bf has asked me how long stimming will last could make me scream, or can we go on holiday if you're doing injections etc, I just give him a death stare now.

I was listening to the guy Gordon that does the mindfull IVF app on a podcast(def check it out for his calming voice) and he said a day after a woman is told she will start IVF she will already know 20 times as much as the guy. He described it in such detail, that I realised I had also been resenting my partner to for (in my view) his lack of interest. I have read maybe 5 or 6 books filled an entire notebook with notes, do daily meditations, acupuncture etc. The IVF book 'Get a Life' which gives the point of view of both partners also delves into this disparity so you are def not alone!!! Either with your partner or friends not fully getting the situation.

Def try that app (mindful IVF) to calm yourself down, the guy has such a calming Irish accent its a total lifesaver!

Good luck with egg collection

xxxx

[Infertilemyrtle in reply to EmGLA]

Thank you! Gordon sounds good! I could do with a calming experience. Agree I don't think that he's meaning to be annoying, he just is finding something to do while waiting it all out. Wish I could be as productive (she says - currently in front of the TV)!

[SparkleCock in reply to Infertilemyrtle]

I agree 100% with everything you've said. My OH actually said, outloud, that this was all exhausting, and he'd be very glad when it was over... He also cried when I came round from the EC anaesthetic as said he hates hospitals and makes him think of his other children's births... we are doing this overseas in Greece and trapped in a tiny apartment together and he has headphones on for breakfast, for morning coffee and all day in small room together BUT I've just had my embryos transferred so much keep calm... Gordon is a lifesaver <3 I think all us ladies have it pretty goddamn similar. They have. No. Idea. Good luck with your eggies. Hope you get a bunch and just try and surround yourself with as many females as possible. They rule xxx

[Infertilemyrtle in reply to SparkleCock]

Good luck with the tww! All fingers and toes crossed for you. Bless your OH, we forget it can be tough on them too. I forgot mine has a biopsy today after EC this morning for a lump in his mouth! No wonder he is all activity and grumpiness. Even this morning he was grumpy in the hospital! I decided to say nice things to him and tell him I appreciate him and he's been better since. Enjoy Gordon and sending you lots of calm, positive vibes XX

[Hidden]

I second the vote for that app - I love it and it’s helped me through three rounds so far. His voice is lush and very calming

I also agree I just don’t think the majority of OHs get it. I continually resent my OH throughout each cycle as he doesn’t seem to sacrifice anything, complains he’s got nothing to look forward to, moans about me being hormonal and goes on about how stressed he is. He attends the bare minimum of appointments as he’s ‘so busy with work’ (like I’m not)... and is generally pretty hopeless. He has zero concept about what I go through and when I try to explain or complain he says he deals with things by pretending they aren’t happening ... go figure

My sisters OH got a migraine EVERY time they went for EC - and they did 7 rounds!

I think the kitchen refurbishments are a little extreme and you should be able to ask for more support

Deep breaths and good luck xx

[EmGLA in reply to Hidden]

I actually googled Gordon because his voice is so dreamy haha.

xx

[Hidden in reply to EmGLA]

So did I - i was a bit disappointed to be honest 😂

[EmGLA in reply to Hidden]

haha! exactly the same, I feels so bad saying it since I listen to his meditations so much , but a face for radio.

x

[Infertilemyrtle in reply to EmGLA]

Haha that made me chuckle!

[SparkleCock in reply to Infertilemyrtle]

Haha! Me too. Some diminutive ginger bloke. Good lad though. His Irish accent is perfect x

[Kempton]

Apart from the fact I'm impressed at how productive your husband is (wish mine would pull his finger out...I'm nesting!) his timing couldn't be worse! It is probably the hormones, but he should definitely have waited. Maybe he's using it as a distraction from his own anxieties about the process?

On the upside, at least your eggs will be safely tucked away for the next few days so no risk of exposure to anything dodgy?!

Best of luck with the cycle.

[Dream76]

Try Headspace app. Really really nice. I have used it. It explain things really well and helps to calm down.

Keep yourself busy with things you like to do, its not worth getting stressed out coz its hard for OHs to understand or may be they really don’t want to understand.

[Rella22]

My husband said he didn’t know how to process it and was just as nervous, which would explain his odd ‘aloof’ behaviour.

Not to generalize either but they’ll never ultimately understand the hormones we have to endure.

His timing was not great but think could be his anxiety not bringing on clarity. He’s probably just as stressed as you. Take a nice massage together ❤️

[Infertilemyrtle in reply to Rella22]

You are probably right with this one - he likes to get busy when he is a bit worried - so he feels like he's not wasting time! So different from me, I just like to chill until it's all over with! X

[chickp]

No advice but this sounds like something my husband would do 🤦‍♀️ We’re renovating and the dust is awful xxx

[WaltzingWonder]

Hoping all goes well today Infertile Myrtle! The kitchen worktop move sounds like a distraction/I'll do something positive technique to be honest and then when it went wrong he maybe tried to get it sorted as quickly as possible e.g. the cleaner, not thinking about the timing? Have you had a chat with him about it - might be worth it just because there might be more sensitive times in the next few weeks and you don't want a repeat. I think it's easy for OHs to feel a little like a spare part: mine said it was helpful to be told what was going on for me and reading some things I'd sent (the science: remembryo.com/, the process/emotions: thepreggerskitchen.com/ivf, 1mamamountain.blogspot.com/... so perhaps if he's feeling the same he could start reading while you're in for the procedure today? Really wishing you the best of luck - it's such a tough process and I respect any couple who go through it xx

[SparkleCock]

Hope all going well with collection today. You have the best fertility network name I've seen so far xx

[Infertilemyrtle in reply to SparkleCock]

Thank you for your support! I got 21 eggs but they said to expect lots of immature one so still holding my breath. Had a lovely cup of tea after though! X

[SparkleCock in reply to Infertilemyrtle]

Magic number! Toes and fingers crossed for you xx

[Infertilemyrtle in reply to SparkleCock]

Thank you!!

[Hidden]

My oh said once how having to wank in a room where everyone knew he was doing it was really embarrassing!! Yeah right!! Try having a massive needle extracting eggs throuh the wall if your vagina! It must be so difficult to be him!! Hilarious!! To give him is due tho he's always there when I need him!! You've got to love them really!!