How to cope with failure... - Fertility Network UK

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How to cope with failure...

Jessy1280 profile image
25 Replies

My official test is Friday and I'm not sure im ready for the tears. Zero symptoms at all and I just know in my heart it's failed. Ive no fatigue, headaches, no increase in cm, no spotting, no twinges, no nausea, nothing. All I've had is slightly sore boobs from progesterone. took two tests at 3 days and 8 days, both negative. I'm not hopeful at this late stage. I know first time success is rare anyway. I had such high hopes as there's nothing wrong with me at all, in fact the opposite. We have make factor infertility. My partner just doesn't understand at all as he already has children. I have none and it's killing me and is breaking my heart as dramatic as it sounds.

I'm so tightened ill never be a mum. I'm 38.

The hardest part is the waiting as I know my clinic will make me wait at least two periods before I can transfer again. It's actual mental torture.

Any words of wisdom welcome...

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Jessy1280
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25 Replies
Lolepops profile image
Lolepops

Hey don’t be sad until you have done the test . I felt exactly the same as you when my first round failed ( not that I’m saying yours has as yet). There was nothing wrong with me it was my partner has an extremely low count . I was 38 and I got no Frosties on the first round . They even put two embryos back . Anyway second time it worked for us . What I’m trying to say is it’s not over yet and me and my partner had the same issues as you and I’m the same age as you and I have a one year old baby now . Please don’t give up . Really hits you hard and I can see how much you have been struggling . Big hugs xxxxx

Lolepops profile image
Lolepops in reply toLolepops

Good luck for Friday !!! Many people get zero symptoms so hang on in there till Friday !!!! You will be a mummy one day you just have to believe it xxxx ❤️

Jessy1280 profile image
Jessy1280 in reply toLolepops

Thank you so much Lolepops for taking the time to reply 🤗. I guess it's why I post on here so much. You guys are the only like minded people around that I can talk to, who understand without judgement and who give me hope. I hope someday I can give others hope and support too. X

Zebedee1971 profile image
Zebedee1971

No words of wisdom but this is exactly me. Got my test on Friday but I did a test today and it was negative so am prepared for the worst. Feels like time is just ticking away and chance to be a mum is slowly slipping away. All I can say is, at least you're not alone. And so many people go on to have success second time round. Fingers crossed we both get lucky second time! X

Hanbee33 profile image
Hanbee33

No words of wisdom either sorry , but I am in the same situation 38, test date Friday and no symptoms except feeling tired. But think that might be as spending all my time thinking about Friday!! It is such a difficult time. Lots of people don’t have symptoms so you never know. Wishing you lots of luck 🤞🍀🤞

Jessy1280 profile image
Jessy1280

Thanks all. It's just so mentally draining. Wanting something so badly but may never get. I like to think that it's just a game of chance and we'll all get our turn in the end. It's just heart wrenching. Feeling like that void will never be filled. 😢

I know how exhausting it is and can only send you some love and hugs. It all gets easier I promise and so often your body responds better each round. Each round you get stronger as well. OHs rarely understand - mine is very practical and just matter of fact about it all. We are all here to help you and support however we can xx

Scarlett13 profile image
Scarlett13

Hey, don’t give up yet. On the 6 2ww’s that ended in implantation failure, I had cramps and twinges and spotting. On my first BFP I had zero symptoms then a bit of cramping and spotting on day 10 so tested thinking it was over and got a BFP (then miscarried). With my 8th embryo, I had zero symptoms, just slightly sore boobs, and got a positive and I’m now 8 weeks pregnant. Still early days but hopeful. You just have to keep going if this one hasn’t worked but your lack of symptoms I would say is a good thing x

Jessy1280 profile image
Jessy1280 in reply toScarlett13

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I hope its worked. Expecting the worst and hoping for the best as they say. I will be utterly, utterly shocked if it's worked first time. I'm sorry if I'm coming across as 'poor me'. It's just that I have struggled deal with all the ivf/fertility thing for quite some time. This site seems the best out there for advice, support and stories of hope 😢 ♥ Xxxx

Scarlett13 profile image
Scarlett13 in reply toJessy1280

You’re allowed to freely and openly be honest and feel sorry for yourself. The 2ww is the worst!!!!! It’s taken me 5 years, 2 surgeries and 3 rounds of ivf to get where I am now - this journey is so tough and stressful and emotional full of so many highs and lows - I seriously hope this is your time but if it’s not you’re always stronger than you think and you’ll keep going x

Hope76 profile image
Hope76

Hi, I seen your test at 8dpt and I thought there was a very faint second line, have you tested again since ? If you are feeling this bad maybe you should and am hoping you will be very pleasantly surprised 🙏🏻🍀🤞🏼 x

Jessy1280 profile image
Jessy1280 in reply toHope76

Think my faint line was no more than an evaporation line with hindsight. Me just clutching at straws. Haven't tested since as it put me on too much of a downer x

Hope76 profile image
Hope76 in reply toJessy1280

I see, the whole thing is bloody torture and unless you have been or are going through a 2ww no one can relate.... I have only ever tested the day before OTD am a scaredy-cat. I did read ovulation strips will show up a positive if you are pregnant and last year I was going out my mind and used 1 or 2 start second week they said positive.... ( got my BFP but miscarried). it kept me going although couldn’t rely on it. This time am trying not to even do that but it is so so hard.

Hoping you get your miracle 🤞🏼🍀🙏🏻

crisps88 profile image
crisps88

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, you must be so upset. You will be a mum, the best mum it’s just such a torturous journey. The waiting isn’t that bad for your next cycle it really isn’t, I changed so much and it helps your mental state. You never know so many people get no symptoms and BFPs at a later stage which is why they don’t recommend testing early. It feels really unfair, but I so hope you get the positive you deserve. Xxxx

pj2232019 profile image
pj2232019

Hi. Not sure if this will help, I’m currently very early stages of being pregnant. I have no symptoms at all, I will be six weeks on Saturday. It has always been torture for me as I never get symptoms, except for when I did FET I was so sick, but I think I caught a bug, as it was a BFN. I’ve had seven rounds of fertility treatment and this is my 2nd Pregnancy, all those ladies who get the bubbles or butterflies in their tummy, or tired or sore boobs etc, I was like, there must be something wrong with me, coz I get nothing 😂😂 I’m not saying this will be the case for you, but some of us just do not get any symptoms, so there may be hope. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!

pj2232019 profile image
pj2232019 in reply topj2232019

I forgot to mention I do get an uncontrollable rage in the first stages of pregnancy, but that’s not a symptom, I think I just get so stressed out I can’t control the fact that I have no patience for idiots 😂😂, mainly my OH who is about as much use as a chocolate kettle 😂😂

LKT1 profile image
LKT1

Hi Jessy1280 I have my fingers crossed for you but if it doesn’t work out then you will get through it! We have male factor issues and I have no issues so I understand how you feel. We ended up using a donor. Our first round was unsuccessful. The drs are so good at identifying where things went wrong and could have been better. My second round they changed my meds and did standard ivf instead it ICSI as my eggs didn’t like it. Second time around after lessons learnt I got my BFP. Keep your chin up xx

Jessy1280 profile image
Jessy1280

Thanks all. I'm doing icsi. I had 13 fertilised but only 3 at day 5 to freeze. I'm praying for a miracle for us all x

akpenev3 profile image
akpenev3

Hi jessy1280, I agree with lolepops, never accept the negative thoughts. Good things comes to those who wait. It is not an easy right at all, I can tell you that but through it, you build resilience and strength. If there's any consolation in my journey, which by the way, i'm still on. I started trying since 28 and i'm now 42 and still trying. It is yes, heart break, soul searching, thought provoking however, you must see it all as part of the challenge to getting to the finished line. So long as you don't give up, you will make it by Grace.

TC and good luck :-)

KriSho profile image
KriSho

Hi Jessy1280, just wanted to say hang I there I know how you feel when I had my first BFN in May. The best advice I was given is to book events or holidays so you have something to look forward to and get a chance to recharge your body from all the hormones. After wait of 2 months we have just started her frozen cycle. Good luck 🤞🤞

Noobs profile image
Noobs

It may not feel like it but time is still on your side. I had a round of failed ivf after 10 years of trying and an operation at 39 to remove fibroids. Never thought I’d be a mum and like you, my partner has a daughter. Just before my final round of ivf, I fell pregnant naturally at 41 and now have a 14 week old son. Total miracle but they do happen. I had fertility reflexology before my second round. I’m not saying this helped but it completely de-stressed me so it’s got to be worth a shot. Keep 💪.xx

Noah1981 profile image
Noah1981

Stay strong darling it will happen xx we all know how you feel and your not on your own infsct we are under the same clinic although I’m at the Cardiff branch good luck xx

Jessy1280 profile image
Jessy1280 in reply toNoah1981

I'm in crgw Llantrisant. Think it's the same one! xxx thank you.

Noah1981 profile image
Noah1981 in reply toJessy1280

Yes it is I’m off to see Mr Tejura Thursday then Yvonne for consent forms good luck Hun hope you get some answers but like I said these things can’t be rushed I’m sure you will get what you paid for xx it’s a lot to take in on that initial appointment so information can sometimes get muffled but fingers crossed it was just crossed wires and there is no rush if your body isn’t ready xx

Dormus01 profile image
Dormus01

I’ll tell you what I tell myself - whatever happens I’ll be ok. I’m scared that I won’t get to experience motherhood too. I’ve started following intentionally childless woman on social media to remind myself that life can be rich and wonderful regardless, which has helped. My period is due in two days , I’ve felt hormonal all week and bbt is higher than normal, it’s been driving mad. I’ve been so tearful and bloated, felt completely horrid today. I’m going our later and gonna pick up some cans of my fav cocktail, which if my period comes, I will drink . Ttc can feel like you are in a constant state of mourning, so do what you can to be kind to yourself. Xxxx

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