Fertility clinic

[Luna2019]

So after my second day 21 blood text my doctor has now referred me to the fertility clinic! My progesterone was low the first time and high the second time, and in his words he ‘wasn’t happy’ with the results!

At this point I felt like someone had just kicked me right in the face with steel toe caps on!!

I know everyone reading this has probably felt like this, I just feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it! My partner doesn’t seem to worry and just says “every thing will be ok, we will sort it”!! This is the WORST thing anyone can say!! obv course I worry, having a baby is the only thing I have ever been 100% sure on, and trust me I’m never 100% sure on anything! I can’t even be 100% sure on what I want for my bloody dinner!

Also when telling my boss after having a small brake down at work, again! all she said was “I’m sure everything will be ok don’t worry” Why do people think this is acceptable to say?

I WORRY EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY I WILL NEVER HAVE A BABY!! Although I very nearly did, I refrained myself from screaming that sentence in her face!

I just really don’t know where to go from here! I feel like all I do is wait! Wait for the next blood test... wait for the next appointment.. Waiting to me feels like wasted precious time that I could be pregnant!

It really doesn’t help that im a nursery deputy manager I see children, babies and pregnant women every bloody day! I get ask on a weekly basis “ when do you think you will have a baby” and It just isn’t deemed acceptable to shout “OHH JUST F*CK OFF” At parents.

What happens now? I feel like I have lost me! The only thing that makes me feel better for 0.1 second is when I’m shoving the next chocolate cupcake in my face while slobbin on the sofa. (Yes I know i should be healthy and all that to conceive but quiet frankly an apple isn’t doing it for me right now).

Any words of wisdom are welcome .....

[Nat246]

I don’t have any words of wisdom unfortunately but I’m feeling the same at the moment. My whole life is just about waiting and it’s so unfair!!!!!! X

[Luna2019 in reply to Nat246]

It is very unfair isn’t it! I think if it wasn’t for talking to people on here that are all in a similar situation is the only thing keeping me sane atm xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Regarding people questioning you, I started to get really blunt if they asked, eg saying “we are working on it” or “we haven’t been lucky enough to have one yet” or even “actually we are struggling with that”. I felt better for being honest and, if I am honest now, a bit of satisfaction in shocking those rude people who think it’s ok to comment on people’s childbearing. This might not be for you but it helped me. Now I’ve got a six month old people keep asking me if I’ll have another and I tell them it was a difficult road to get her and she is a miracle. I can’t believe how nosey people are!

[Luna2019 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I think I will definitely start to do this! I feel like I big part of me feeling like this is I pretend everything is okk! Like I haven’t even told my own mum that we’re struggling! I find it extremely difficult to open up too anyone! Thankyou xx

[Mrsti in reply to Luna2019]

i did this too and it felt ace seeing the uncomfortable look on their faces 🤭 ask personal question, expect an honest answer. I have started being quite open about things now in the hope that people will stop treating it like a taboo subject. I know not everyone would be comfortable with that, but i kind of got fed up of pretending that things were ok x

[Luna2019 in reply to Mrsti]

I feel like I am at this stage now! Why should we feel like we can’t talk about it!! It’s helps soooo much to talk to others on sites like this who are going through the same thing xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Luna2019]

The support I got from friends and colleagues was amazing too once we opened up and told people. It did mean sometimes people asked how it was going when I didn’t want to talk, but I then said to people to please let me bring it up rather than asking. And when we finally had our baby, the celebration from friends and family has been so heartfelt and it’s great that her miraculousness is appreciated!!

[SunnyDream]

Hello Luna!

Please, hun, don't panic! I understand you perfectly well and know how hard this path is but your future is in your hands and nobody will do this for you except you! It is not easy to gather your strength but it is possible. I'm saying this because I perfectly know what I am talking about. I have already had 3 transfers, ectopic and several miscarriages but didn't stop and still trying to move ahead. Faith works wonders! As for the clinics I have chosen one abroad and pretty happy with them. This summer will sign the surrogacy program hoping that it will work out this time.

I wish you the best of luck and baby dust!