How have you dealt with anxiety about potentially miscarrying?? And where have you found evidence-based advice??

[infertilefriends]

Hi ladies,

I got so lucky, my first embryo transfer actually worked! I am still in shock that I saw a positive pregnancy test on Monday and that I had a good beta hcg level of 270. Let's just say I spent a good solid minute squealing like a pig in mud.

But since I have never been pregnant before and never miscarried before (that I know of), I have severe anxiety every single day about losing the baby, and every time I go to the bathroom, I expect to see blood. So my first question is.. What has helped you to deal with the anxiety and worry about possibly miscarrying (during the first trimester in particular)? It seems that miscarriage rates decrease significantly after 8 weeks, especially once you have heard the baby's heartbeat. So I have 3 more weeks to get through until I have my first sonogram and hopefully am told that the baby is developing on track...

In the meantime, when I try to research advice and what to do/what not to do when pregnant, all I find online is conflicting information, and it is driving me crazy, especially since I have a science background. Have any of you found reliable, evidence-based advice online? If so, can you please share the website? My mind keeps misfiring trying to weed through all the utter crap that is on the internet! Many thanks in advance for your suggestions.

Trying to stay positive,

<3 Lauren

Check out my blog if you're interested in reading about my infertility journey!

infertilefriends.wordpress.com

[destiny121]

To be totally honest I don’t think there is anything you can do at the moment to stop the worry. I was exactly the same and until your baby is in your arms you will worry. The only thing you can do is to take each day as it comes and as baby progresses you worry a little less. Try to celebrate the fact that you are actually pregnant which is amazing and just relish in this moment. Celebrate each milestone and try to enjoy as much as you can xxx

[infertilefriends in reply to destiny121]

That is great advice, thank you. I will try to enjoy it as much as possible, as it is still positive progress regardless of what happens..

[Cinderella5]

When we got our BFP I hadnt appreciated how anxious I would feel, I didnt even dare to allow myself to be happy. I think all you can do is take it easy and get through one day at a time. I do wish I couldhave relaxed a bit more and let myself enjoy just being pregnant for the small time that I was. One day at a time is all you can do! Wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy.xx

[infertilefriends in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you! I feel like normal couples get to actually celebrate getting and staying pregnant, whereas people like us who go through infertility feel like we can't even celebrate until a baby is in our arms! It is actually so sad that we feel this way, but it is because of getting bad news over and over again. We don't know how to emotionally deal with any good news!

[Cinderella5 in reply to infertilefriends]

Yes that's exactly it, I was so used to getting a BFN (4 times) that I was in shock at getting a BFP and was struggling to deal with it. It is really hard but hopefully you have your scan and you'll get to see your little one soon!!xx

[infertilefriends in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you! Fingers crossed...

[KW83]

I'm afraid it is very hard to get away from the anxiety. I'm 11+2 now and after 2 perfect scans I'm beginning to relax a little but it's still very scary. There are some good papers available relating to miscarriage statistics at various stages but until you have had a scan and seen fetal heart activity the stats are very unreliable because so many people don't even know they are pregnant until at least 6 weeks - any data they do have is invariably skewed because the data tends to come predominantly from people who have had trouble conceiving and are therefore statistically more likely to have other reproductive issues. Best advice from me is actually to try to stay away from Google and even this forum if you're struggling. Remember that most people with healthy pregnancies have no reason to post online so you are seeing posts from the minority who have / have had issues. Take it a day at a time, today you are pregnant 🙂 Good luck x

[infertilefriends in reply to KW83]

All very good points.. You are right that the miscarriage stats online are unreliable. I always assumed that they were underestimates because miscarriages so often go unnoticed/unreported. But at the other end of the spectrum, maybe they are overestimates because it tends to be people like us (who have trouble conceiving) who constantly monitor whether or not they are pregnant, whereas other people may just be going about their lives and not even notice.. Who knows.

I will do my best to stay away from Google, but I just want to know what the food and drink recommendations are for pregnant women, which seems so basic and simple, and yet there is no solid evidence around! I assume that is because it would be unethical to experiment on pregnant women, but still, it is so frustrating!

[MofM]

When dealing with my ectopics I was suggested CBT and mindfulness. The first seems to be proven helpful for PTSD, and the latter has been shown to be as good as antidepressants and good in managing anxiety.

You can have a look at this book "Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body" (goodreads.com/book/show/342...

I am very sceptical but I was also very desperate, and I tried mindfulness and it actually helped (or just time healing my wounds?). Thinking of trying CBT before my next FET, having gotten a very high score for PTSD following my early miscarriage from my first IVF. Perhaps a bit late, but better later than never.

[infertilefriends]

Thank you for all the tips, they are very much appreciated. The book sounds very interesting.

You poor thing.. You have been through hell and back with multiple ectopic pregnancies and a miscarriage. Ugh. Journeys to parenthood can be so traumatic.

It must require so much strength to pick yourself up and keep getting FETs. I am really praying that your next one results in a healthy pregnancy and baby. Sending lots of hope your way..

[MofM in reply to infertilefriends]

It was hard to pick myself up, but have just finished my second fresh cycle. My first one in November/December was a disaster and I had nothing to freeze. Not sure I have really recovered but I feel I have not much time to focus on my mental wellbeing. Perhaps it is a bad decision but the stress of the time passing was also bad.

Currently waiting for Monday for the day 5 update (my clinic sends updates only after fertilisation or when the culture is completed, so either day 3 or 5). Trying to be patient.

Thanks for the good vibes 🤗

[infertilefriends in reply to MofM]

I am so sorry to hear that you didn't have any embryos to freeze the first cycle, I cannot imagine how disappointed you must have felt, especially after putting your body through the hormone treatment and egg collection.

I really really hope you get good news on Monday and that you have lots of embabies! Fingers crossed and sending lots of good vibes!!

[Gueritarubia]

Wow, congratulations! I was exactly like you with my first (first embryo transferred to stick, but it was the second cycle). My anxiety continued until she was about a year! Now I start trusting she’s a strong little girl and won’t just disappear on me overnight.

Look up “Expecting better, why the conventional pregnancy wisdom is wrong and what you really need to know” by Emily Oster. She turns quite a few conventional wisdom truth onto their heads and allows you to understand the real data behind all these recommendations, so you can make your own, informed decisions.

Try to enjoy the pregnancy, it’s over before you know it. Our doctor said that once you’d gotten to the 7 or 8-week scan and could see a good heart beat and bean measured correctly, chance of miscarrying was very very low (like below 5%, probably well below he said). Good luck!

[infertilefriends in reply to Gueritarubia]

That is amazing that you also got lucky the first time round!

Ah, funny that you mentioned that book, my friend who is pregnant also just recommended it to me, so I will definitely get it!

And yes, from what reliable looking sources I could find online, the miscarriage rate after seeing a heartbeat does seem to be around 5%, so that is quite low. Hopefully my anxiety will lessen significantly once I have my sono!

[Lyn84]

I am currently 6 weeks pregnant and know how you feel i was so happy when got positive test but then the further I've got the more anxious I've got and still check for blood everytime i go to the toilet as i have miscarried once before as strange as it sounds I'm almost trying to forget i am pregnant so i don't stress so much and time goes quicker until my scan but i do find myself googling in moments of anxiety so although i haven't completely managed to stop the anxiety i am trying my best to stop worrying so much

[infertilefriends in reply to Lyn84]

I am so sorry to hear that you have miscarried. I hope you weren't too far along into your pregnancy (not that miscarrying earlier makes it any easier to deal with..). But that is great news that you are now 6 weeks pregnant. Your coping mechanism doesn't sound strange at all. A friend of mine said she did the same and tried to ignore the pregnancy until she got to 12 weeks. I do think that is a strategy for getting through the wait, until you are more sure that the baby is developing properly. To be honest, I am trying to keep busy (but eat really healthy and stay active) so that I don't have time to think about it too much. You are right, Googling definitely increases the anxiety level. Well anyway, I hope you get good news at your sono soon!

[Ruby26]

I’m 5 weeks with 2 weeks til my scan. It’s my first BFP and anxiety is a new high. I downloaded the 1st trimester meditation pack on the Mindful IVF app and I’m about calmer now. As everyone has said, you can’t do much but hope. It’s an anxious time which no one warns you about!

In terms of food, I’m just going by the pregnancy section on the nhs website! If I’m not sure, I’m not eating it!! X

[infertilefriends in reply to Ruby26]

I did not know about the Mindful IVF app, so thanks for the tip! Hope you get good news at your scan!

[Elynn]

Totally understand but my advice is.....Dont even think miscarriage, download The Bump app and focus on the miracle of what's happening in your body right now. Your little grapefruit pip is doing his/her best to grow. Isnt that awesome. Much nicer thoughts. Wishing you all the best.

[infertilefriends in reply to Elynn]

Yes, you are right, it is absolutely amazing! And thanks for the tip on the app, will have a look at it!

[infertilefriends in reply to Elynn]

For some reason, the Bump doesn't show up as an app option on my Samsung.. Maybe it is only compatible with apple phones? Or only available for download in US? (I am in UK)

[Elynn]

Just tried it out. I can get Bump on my samsung but had to google it and click on the icon. It wouldn't come up in store for some reason 😀

[infertilefriends in reply to Elynn]

Just tried to do that, it said the item is not available in my country, so that answers the question.. guess I can't download it from UK, but I'm going to the US in a few weeks, so maybe I could download it then!