Hi all, I hope this doesn’t upset anyone but I wanted to come back and share the end of my journey. I always found positive stories helpful and gave me that bit of hope that was needed.
My little girl was born 08/02/2019 weighing 9lbs 6oz (!) by emergency c section (11 days overdue) and I truly feel like the luckiest person in the world.
I first found out in 2007 that I would never become pregnant naturally. If only I had been able to know that nearly 12 years later I would have a baby in that same hospital - it would have saved years of heartache - but I guess infertility doesn’t work like that 😢
Although I didn’t begin my ivf journey until 2016, once I was married and I knew I had to try, the time was right and I felt ready for the battle. In the years up to it I never gave up the hope that maybe my period was late because I had been lucky that month- but no those negative pregnancy tests were always there and the sadness and pain hurt just as much each time.
One by one every friend became pregnant (several times over) and I was the only one who couldn’t join in baby meet ups and baby talks. It hurts like no one can ever describe. Each pregnancy announcement hurts like never before and I hated myself for crying(sobbing hysterically after putting on a brave face) alone and hating the fact they had become pregnant after one go (and what hurts more is them not knowing how lucky they are!). Finding this group and realising these are completely normal feelings made it that bit easier - I just wish I had found it years before. I would never wish it on anyone but knowing I wasn’t an awful person helped.
I honestly never believed I would have a baby, I had over the years thought it would never happen for us. There always seemed to be more bad news at the fertility clinic, each time destroying that little bit of hope I had left. My first round ended in a BFN and the sadness and pain hurt like hell, I will never forget that day. After my second round - Seeing that positive pregnant test (well about 20 just to be sure) is a moment I will cherish forever.
If I can give any advice it would be to be kind to yourself. If you don’t feel strong enough to attend a baby shower, get together etc then don’t. I didn’t tell many people about our ivf and there were some friendships that suffered. However after explaining our situation afterwards, people understand (to some degree!) and these friendships are now ok. You have to look after yourselves and be strong. Save your strength for fighting this cruel battle.
Be proud of what you are doing, it’s tough and a relationship that can get through ivf, can get through anything. Il tell anyone who will listen about our journey now - I’m proud of what we got through. Anyone who can pull off a two week wait - is one tough cookie! It’s amazing though opening up about it, the amount of people who have told me about their own fertility problems. Oh and yes I really enjoyed telling the woman who relished in telling me over the years we needed to crack on with having children and maybe get rid of the TV in the bedroom - yes if that had been our problem it would have saved us years of heartache!! Over the years I’ve heard it all.
Also don’t read into signs on your TWW (I know easier said than done) but both mine were the same - on both I felt my period was coming and I was adamant the second go hadnt worked. I never had any of the common pregnancy symptoms, was never sick, never had sore boobs, big boobs - nothing! It was only when the heartburn kicked in at about week 15 that I felt any different. And believe me I looked for any small change 😂 just for reassurance all was ok.
Anyway I honestly wish every single one of you all the luck in the world. You truly deserve this and I hope all your dreams come true. My journey over the years will never leave me and I think about you all most days, never forgetting how lucky I am. Some of you have been through so much - my heart is saddened by the things some have gone through, sometimes several times over. My heart also smiles for the happy news on here and hopefully you all one day get to be the amazing parents you deserve to be 😊