Not fertility related : Just have to... - Fertility Network UK

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gcw104
gcw104

Just have to say what an awful year so far after finding out we were mc again for the 3rd time a week later my partner finds out he’s mother who has Alzheimer’s has stomach cancer and has spread to her chest. He’s been so strong the last few days but has finally broke down tonight they have a very close family and has hit them all really hard. I try to support him as much as I can but he’s the kind who pushes away. It’s such a sad time for us all 😢 I don’t know how to help him.

11 Replies
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Oh no lovely I'm so sorry for your loss again and for your mother in law. Bless such a horrid time. Just be there for him best way you can. It's gonna hit him hard remind him your there if he wants to talk give him a tight hug every now and then I don't know what else to suggest help where yous can. I find in hard situations the more you help the person who's ill it feels like your being proactive and makes you feel good at same time if that makes sense. The worst feeling is guilt when you know you could have done more. I've experienced that twice with close members of family. Thinking of you all. Xxx

Oh gosh you poor thing!! That’s not what you need. All you can do is be ready as and when he wants to talk. I’m sure he will come to you when he’s ready. So sorry as it seems like everything really is coming along all at once! If you need support for your mc and he’s unable to be there for you right now then maybe counselling might be an option. Take care x

DianeArnold
DianeArnoldAdministrator

Hi grw. So, so sorry to read all that has been going on in your lives. Your hubby may push you away now, but you are there for him when needed, which is all you can do for now. Obviously, I hope that his mother gets all the care she so deserves. Sending you my love, and I am thinking about you all. Diane

Gosh Im so sorry to hear this, you've had more than your fair share of bad news recently. I guess all you can do is be there if he needs you, lots of hugs and tlc I would think are best but I understand some guys are just not the type to lean on us ladies. Hugs, its a hard situation for you both.xx

You really have been through the ringer. I hope that you get some luck soon. You and your partner will get through this xx

Thank you all x yes not a very nice time at the moment its come about fast and unexpected. I do worry about him emotionally and I just feel like a wreck at the minute too im totally run down Ive got a face full of coldsores hormones all over randomly crying. I feel I just need a minute just everything to stop.

Sorry to hear that. Hope your mother in law gets the care she needs and there are better times ahead for you.

Oh goodness I'm so sorry to hear that and you certainly have had a tough time!

We were in a similar position last year with IVF and finding my father in law's cancer had returned - at the time we were told he only had 6 months to live !

Thankfully the hospital were wrong but those few weeks were absolutely horrific

I'm sure your hubby knows he can count on you.... If he has broken down either tell him then- or when he's feeling slightly more together - that you know he has his own way of dealing with things but that he doesn't have to push you away or protect you. You are there for him 100% and also feel his pain regarding his mother's news. It sounds like you are all close X

That way he can come.to you when he needs to but you also have time to look after yourself. I have felt like absolute sh** after this miscarriage and am sleeping all day and can't get energy up again. We need time to heal.... Maybe suggest in a few days that you both just pause time for a bit and take a step back and a breather.

It will mean you are both feeling more stronger and able to deal with everything that will come your way much more easily and be there for his mum etc also

Really hope for the best xxx

You will get through this together...

He will know how upset you are about the mc and won’t want to put his upset on you too. Just give him an out of the blue hug or have a cry together.

Over the time we’ve started IVF, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and was very ill after the op, 2 MC’s, redundancy, new job, failed cycles, house extension, hubby job change, hubby dad died suddenly, my dad very poorly in hospital again, hubby Gran died, work changes...we took some time out from IVF for a bit to recover from life, but are just in a DE round.

Life is very cruel and try’s to pull us down, but we bounce back (eventually).

X

Oh god I have just read this after replying to your comment on my post - I am so sorry you both have so much to deal with. I think all you can do is do what you are doing - and be there if he needs you and if he pushes you away don't take it personally. Just knowing you are there will be helping him.. some people just deal with these things differently. I think there is real pressure on both of you as you don't want to overload each other as you both know how sad you both are... you will both get through this.. sending hugs and love xx

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