Oh the irony 😞

[Niki_B]

Its 3.20 am here....I dont sleep much these days. Today is 3 weeks since my miscarriage. I was instructed by the hospital to take the pregnancy test they supplied 3 weeks after my miscarriage to ensure its negative. Never did I ever think I'd be wanting to see a negative test..this is all just so unfair 😥 When will I stop questioning every single thing I did while I was pregnant? And wondering why? When will I ever feel better? I've come to the conclusion that I never will 😞 xxx

[Minnie92]

Iv been thinking of you Niki 😪 there’s nothing I can say to make anything better, but I’m sending you a big hug and know that lots of us are thinking of you. I can’t even begin imagine how you are feeling xxx

[Niki_B in reply to Minnie92]

Thanks hun. It's just so hard and I got so far...just hard to understand what went wrong 😞 xxx

[Minnie92 in reply to Niki_B]

💔 look after yourself hun xxx

[CatDV]

Oh, my lovely Niki, I just want to send lots of love in your way ❤️

At the time of my miscarriage I never realised that HCG levels would take a long time to leave the system. I cried when I got a strong positive 2 weeks after. It’s ironic and almost a cruel joke, that you want a baby, and feel sad at a sight of a positive pregnancy test.

You will never forget your baby, but I would say it gets better with time. It did for me.

It took me months to be able to talk about my first (angel) baby with my husband without crying, and I knew I had moved forward when I finally did.

Give yourself the time to heal. Your feelings are only natural.

And I am 100% sure that you haven’t done anything that could have caused it.

It is not your fault, you’ve done everything right, but very sadly these things happen even when mums do all they can to have a healthy pregnancy.

Sending lots of hugs and strength ❤️

[Niki_B in reply to CatDV]

Thanks hun. It's just so hard everything looked so good my hcg was so high and more than doubling and I had sickness from 5 weeks! I just dont understand 😞 we have 1 embie left and that's it..we have no money for more IVF. I think that's the hardest thing to get my head around 😥 xxx

[Dreams1982 in reply to Niki_B]

I'm in the same boat as you right now hun x i thought I'd be OK doing the last preg test but it just hurt seeing the single negative line on the test. We also have one more embie left but I just don't if I can go through it all again xx if you ever want to talk your more than welcome to message me xx sending big hugs xx

[Hidden]

It is a strange feeling wanting a negative after mc, I had my 3rd mc in Jan I feel I just get a little less emotional then we conceive again only to mc again and the cycle of dragging myself out of a black hole starts again. Time does heal but it is super emotional especially when your still ttc, don’t analyse why it happened it’s not anything you’ve done. Take care xx

[Niki_B in reply to Hidden]

Oh hun I cant imagine going through this 3 times in a row. I dont know how you did it, you are so strong. I have 1 more shot and that's it for us. No more money. If I could just have sex and get pregnant it might be slightly easier to deal with, this is all just so hard and unfair. Thank you for your kind words xxx

[Hidden in reply to Niki_B]

You just have to take your time and get through it and move forward it’s the only way. I think we’ve only got one more shot aswel can’t deal with anymore disappointment were really lucky we have been able to conceive naturally but it’s been 2 years already and I’m 39 I feel times definitely not on my side. And we’ve no money for IVF or was even offered to discuss it.

I hope you get your baby it not fair having to go through this sending lots of luck for your next round xxx

[Niki_B in reply to Hidden]

Yes 1 more embryo left so our last shot. It's so hard to comprehend that will be it after that. I cant come to terms with not being a mother for the rest of my life 😞 like you I'm 39 too. I wish you all the luck hun, did you get any answers for all your miscarriages? Are you trying again now? Xxx

[MissSaoPaulo]

Oh bloody hell hon, I know there's nothing I can say but I'm sending you some big hugs and reminding you to take care of yourself, at least physically, as best you can, which IS something you can control right now xxx

[Niki_B in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Thanks hun this is just so shit and hard. I got so far 😞 we have 1 embie left and unfortunately that's it the end of the road for us. That's the hardest thing to deal with I think 😓 xxx

[Binky1983]

It’s not an easy process but please don’t question yourself as to why it happened, you’ll drive yourself mad. Take it day by day. It will get better. X

[Niki_B in reply to Binky1983]

Thank you hun. It's so hard, I cant imagine ever being ok but I hope I can come through this 😞 xxx

[Rainbowhope]

Please stay strong. You will eventually feel better but at the moment you must take it slow and be kind to yourself. I'm so sorry. Xxxx

[Niki_B in reply to Rainbowhope]

Thanks hun for your kind words. Life can be so cruel I seem to always get shit on 😞 Hope your keeping well xxx

[Muppetgirl]

Be kind to yourself. I've definitely read a medical article where it talks the only way you can contribute to a miscarriage is massive traumor, gallons of alcohol or abuse of drugs.

I do understand though as I was the same after my miscarriages. That article has helped me feel better now I'm in a better place. Know that you will reach that better place but for now be sad and find little bits of happiness each day. Hope peace comes your way soon.

[Hidden]

That’s so sad I pray your little embryo makes it I can’t imagine how anxious you’ll feel. My partner doesn’t have kids he desperately wants his own, I feel terrible for him as the only thing said was my age, tests came back fine. Knowing it’s me that potentially can’t is sometimes overwhelming. We are still trying it’s been 5 cycles, mc messed them up shortening them to 22 days hopefully we have another chance and all goes well for both of us. Xxx

[JojoWash]

Aww Niki, I know exactly how you feel. We had the same 9th May.

I was never given any advice either to do preg test. We’ve been trying again since 16th May and probably shouldn’t have but it’s done now. I’m so empty and so desperate to get back where I was, my only hope is to get pregnant again with the hope that I’ll feel ok again and can look to the future. I’m lost right now and don’t know how to be. All the little things like when we go away in August I would have been 7 months, so that tainted that happiness, Christmas I would have had a baby. Reminders every where.

I feel like if I’m pregnant again I can have my focus again. Although it will be full of worry.

Who knows.

Wish you all the luck and love. It does get a bit better x keep in touch hey x