Today has been to put it politely-Sh*t

[PurpleLove19]

I finally managed to ring the clinic today and if I’m honest I felt quite belittled on the phone. It was the same woman who my husband spoke to so she kept making a point of saying “like I’ve said to your husband.” I wanted to say well my husband is pretty low at the moment and he didn’t really understand what you said, lacks confidence to question what you’re saying and you’re talking to someone who is pretty sick of being palmed off with you need this and you need that. Especially when your consultants at both appointments have told us we can start “next period.” That’s laughable because I’ve had 3 periods since and still no further forward.

Now I have had it explained to me I came off the phone knowing what my next step is and that it’s looking like another 2-3 months before we can begin our first cycle.

To top it off I’ve had such a rough day at work. I was there until 5:30 which left me no time to arrange an appointment with the doctor.

I’ve basically had a parent tell me I’m crap at my job and surprisingly my boss actually spoke up for me which I thought was really odd as that has never happened before. It may have been because before this I had explained to her that THE LAST thing I needed was to be slated by a parent, not when I work so bloody hard whilst carrying this stress.

I now know kind of why she spoke up for me so strongly- well I shouldn’t second guess but this is how my mind works at times.

My best friend who I met on my first day, has 3 kids already and her partner has 2 of his own informed me she is pregnant.

Seems it’s been a tough time as she thought she was miscarrying so kept it quite.

For months she’s avoided me and I thought what have I done? I was about to ask her later this week what’s gone wrong between us and now I know why. She feels awful that it’s not me or my other bestfriend who is also having no luck.

It’s obvious my boss knows so she must have sensed I’m struggling and spoke up for me in an intense meeting or maybe realised I’m good at my job.

I have dreaded hearing this news off a friend after the two years we have had but if anything it felt okay because of how she told me. She was so lovely and she’s told me to be honest and that she doesn’t want to upset me at all.

I’m a bit numb with it all at the moment. In shock that she’s entertaining having number 4 but wondering how I’m going to cope.

The fact we have drifted lately makes me think we can just carry on like that until I’m stronger?

What really got to me was that my husband was upset about it. Probably for me as I’ve got to see her everyday and he can’t give us what we both want and for himself.

He’s so low, I don’t know what to say or do?

Anyone else have partners struggling this much?

As for our other friend, if she soon announced she is pregnant too, can I handle seeing my two favourite girls in the world experience this together whilst I’m here boring you guys on here?

So many thoughts, I’ve not eaten, can’t sleep! Great for weight loss but bad for my head- my head is pounding.

I think a holiday to Ibiza is on the cards this summer.

x

[Sunshineraye]

Sorry to hear your having a rough time. Sometimes things build up don’t they. Maybe you and partner need that little trip to Ibiza to take some time to focus on each other before it starts. Me and my husband did this and it did help as I’ll be honest as ivf does consume you and he says it’s all I talk about now.

Finding out friends are pregnant is so hard. I find I struggle with ones who fall so easy and have more than one.

What ur feeling is normal. Be kind to yourself and take some time for u. I find thinking about all the positives in my life helps me on dark days. Although some of my friends have babies - would I wanna trade life’s with them - probably not xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Sunshineraye]

Thank you.

I rang my mum after she told me and she was saying what I already know. They have both been such good friends to me so I’ve got to be happy for them. I said to her that what I’m feeling is normal and she agrees but in reality I’ve got to man up and keep going. Easier said than done though.

I think my husband thinks a baby is the answer to his unhappiness and I think yes it’s a massive part but we are losing ourselves in all this.

I used to be life and soul of a room and loved a good night out. Now I’m wollowing in self pitty.

I think if we did do something fun this summer it may open our eyes to the dreaded life without children and also restore the old us. X

[CharlieR83]

Hello.. all I can suggest is you change your clinic now before you start ivf, they really don't seem to be helpful at all. This is such a hard journey for all of us without them adding to the stress!! I feel for you with your friend becoming pregnant, in the 10 years we have been trying my best friend had 4 babies!! Every time she dreaded telling me bless her... I was happy for her but it doesn't ease the pain.

It does sound like you and your husband need a good holiday to relieve some stress, i think it will do you both the world of good before you start your cycle. Good luck xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to CharlieR83]

I’ve suggested this but we haven’t the energy to start this process again. It’s been 8 months since being referred and 5 months with this clinic.

It’s a business to them and it’s a shame the NHS don’t have a funded hospital for all us because it’s only when I’ve been to the hospital for my investigations that I’ve felt compassion from the NHS staff.

10 years! My hat goes off to you- well done for sticking in there.

x

[S_asha]

Another 2-3 months?! No wonder you are upset, especially as you've already waited so long. I'm sorry to hear that. As for the parent... I know it's easy for me to say but don't listen to them. It's not personal and if your boss stuck up for you it's because you are good at your job. Amazing actually as you're dealing with all of this and also doing a good job!! Ignore them xx so hard about your friends at work too. I know we should be - and are- happy for others but it's still hard xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to S_asha]

It’s looking that way at the moment. I was so ready to start this month. Mentally and physically.

I’m growing a thicker skin now. I put things into perspective now and 1 parents opinion doesn’t matter to me. If only these parents knew eh!

I’m finding work a good distraction at the minute which I never thought was possible.

I haven’t even been able look at her today I’ve felt awful. X

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry. What a awful day you had ☹️

I can’t believe how insensitive your clinic were. It’s very emotional & they should expect people not to fully take all the information on board. I know it’s an effort but I would seriously look other clinics some hold free open evenings. It’s so important to feel supported by your clinic. Infertility is bloody hard going ( it took us 7 years to eventually get there) support & trust with the clinic is paramount.

As for others falling been there many times over the years we were trying it’s so difficult isn’t it. People don’t get it’s not that you are not happy for others but just sad for your situation it brings it more I nto focus. If they are good friends they will try to understand ( my friend had 2 children within the time we were trying but always asked how it was going) & support you through this time, also give you the space when you need it. Hopefully it will soon be you sharing happy news of your own soon xoxo

[Hidden]

Omg I hear ya!!! My best friend, sister and sister in law have just had babies, my cousin is due in august and my other friend has just informed me her and her hubby have come off the 💊. So in a year and a half of ivf with 3 failed attempts and on to the 4th attempt - 3 babies have been born, one on the way and probably another one soon 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Get me 🥃 xxx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Hidden]

Oh hun, I’m so sorry. Baffles me how people’s bodies allow them to do it and others it doesn’t. 😢

[Hidden]

Can really empathise with all this. I’m also struggling to balance work, IVF commitments and coping with seemingly being endlessly surrounded by pregnancies. It’s just so much. My best friend has been crap through the whole process and I’ve just stopped telling her to save my disappointment at her. I think some people are just better at others than dealing with it all. I think how friends deal with it makes a huge difference. One text me the night before my EC to tell me she is expecting twins (that was not good) another has had a baby recently but been really gentle in sending pictures and been careful not to talk about him all the time and to discuss other things. I hope your two will be considerate and it happens for you soon. Xx