Staying positive

[kelsbels88]

Hi everyone

Been a while since I posted and while I do my best to keep up with everyone’s news I’ve found recently that that’s been harder to do on a personal level.

I have been really struggling with this keeping the faith and the hope that one day we will have our turn. Especially as I know I still have a long way to go before the actual “trying” for a baby starts with the knowledge that I need to have more surgery.

How do you guys keep the faith and hope alive without crumbling under the upset of not having the dream?

Thanks for reading

Kelly xx

[Foodie23]

Hi Kelly,

I’m so sorry this jouney has been so long and painful for you. For me, it was the most painful experience of my life. But it also made me stronger and I learned a lot about myself through the process. I believe our challenges help to prepare us for what’s to come. I sincerely hope for you that’s having a baby of your own.

I’m not sure this is the answer you were looking for, but for me, the only way through it was to surrender fully to the process and let go of the how on my road to motherhood. I opened myself up to many possibilities of building a family. It brought be comfort to know it wasn’t a matter of if I would become a mom, just how and when. I knew if I could keep an open mind, it would eventually work out. Of course I would have still grieved the loss of not having a biological child or not being able to carry our child. But at least I knew I would be a mother and that was ultimately what mattered most to me.

I did a lot of things to help me cope, I read personal development books, exercised, practiced mindfulness and did yoga. I personally found a lot of hope and courage to hold onto my dream from the book The Alchemist.

I wish you peace and contentment through this journey. Appreciate the small moments of joy as they happen. I found it incredibly comforting to know that joy still does happen if you’re present, despite life’s circumstances. Xx

Holly

[kelsbels88 in reply to Foodie23]

Thank you holly for replying.

I get what you’re saying. I do on a deep level think that if it had been ‘easy’ for me (and I say that loosely) I probably would never have known that I have my condition and therefore would have gone along still being in a bad Internal shape compared to what I am. I am trying to follow that policy of how and when not if too and always carry with me that I want my baby not someone else’s when those thoughts of envy pop up.

Thank you so much as lots of best wishes for the future Xx

Kelly

[Solly-44]

Hi Kelly,

I’m sorry you’re struggling, it’s such a long and difficult journey. The seemingly never ending waiting is so hard.

It took us 2 years from our first hospital appointment to my first transfer (we’d been trying for a long time before the referral too) and it was incredibly frustrating. I tried mindfulness exercises and meditation - there are some good apps out there. I also really focused on my diet and trying to exercise. I felt like I had no control over the process so concentrating on something positive made me feel like at least the time waiting wasn’t wasted. X

[kelsbels88 in reply to Solly-44]

Hi Solly

due to having endometriosis I have made a massive effort with my diet anyway as I’ve had to exclude certain things because of them causing me more trouble than their worth.

It does become more and more difficult as time goes on and I really don’t know how others do it. It’s been nearly three yrs for us and they feel like an age so I can only imagine how it feels if you’ve been longer. To the point where my hubby is the “positive Polly” and even he’s starting to say well maybe it won’t happen.

Thank you for replying xx

[Love_the_mountains]

Hi Kelly. Sorry to hear you are struggling emotionally - likewise. It's a very difficult demanding journey and personally I find the lack of control and the unknown outcome unbearable at times. Personally I allow myself to have good days and bad days. I am gradually learning who I can and cant talk to when I'm feeling low. I have told a few people of my struggles which has helped and gradually being more open about it to others I trust. I try and keep myself busy and always try and have a holiday booked to look forward to. I have regular massages to try and relax, exercise (now and again) and try to just take each day as it comes. It's certainly not easy though! But I have to remind myself of other things to be thankful for - a wonderful partner, family, friends and the opportunity to travel which I enjoy. I never give up hope that one day it will be our turn but I also have to understand I cant control this situation. I'm also terrible for comparing myself to others eg friends who have fallen pregnant quickly etc, which I am trying to work on - my fiance always reminds me that we are all on different journeys. Best wishes xxx

[Laren86]

Sorry to hear that Kelly, I can relate and my mental health has taken a serious knock in the year we’ve been trying to conceive. I find taking it day by day, letting myself feel sad when I need to, and refocusing the mind helps me. I’ve started writing down positive quotes in my phone to refer to when I can feel a wobble coming on. I’ve also recently started seeing a counselling on a weekly basis - the intention is to help me find strength through this. We can’t always control when we’ll have a baby but we can control how we feel. I’m also sleeping and resting a lot more these days. Sending you lots of love, it sometimes feels so impossible but know you’re not alone xxx