Staying hopeful

[KeeKee21]

Hi there,

I must admit it's taken me a while to pluck up the courage to join one of these sites... So here's my story.

I'm 28, married. ttc for 21months. Prev miscarriage 10yrs ago at 9 weeks!

In May this year, we decided to go and get ourselves checked out. My husband had a sperm test, which came back within normal ranges. My 21 day prog bloods- not ovulating.

Referred to fertility clinic at our local hospital. Repeated 21 day prog- no ovulation.

HSG Sept 2014- tubes clear, but diagnosed with sup-septate uterus (May cause miscarriage, pre-term birth, baby may be breech). I was worried about this, as I never presumed I had problems with my uterus, as I had cysts before leading to hospital admission and nothing was ever picked up. They reassured me that when we fall, I will be scanned possibly monthly throughout, and have consultant led care due the risks. I also have a heart condition, and I have a cardiologist, who has recently stopped my beta blockers due to the risk to the potential foetus.

Consultant keen for me to wait 3 months following HSG, as stated 10% increased chance of natural pregnancy following HSg. (But I'm

Not ovulating, so wasn't hopeful!! She even stated to me that she thought we would be pregnant by December!)

We tried naturally for 2 months, then I got transferred to a new consultant. I rang him, as I stated I was concerned about hot flushes I had been having for several months, he said nothing to worry about at the moment (of course the 1st thing I thought- early menopause). Anyway I thought no harm In asking if I can start clomid in dec rather than January. He agreed.

1st round of clomid, start of dec. days 2-6 50mg. Follicle scan today- no follicles, also PCOS on left ovary. I broke down when I walked out, as I feel it's one thing after another each time I visit the hospital. He's going to do day 21 bloods, and decide whether or not to increase the dose, as the bloods will confirm definitely if I haven't ovulated.

Sorry for the long essay, but felt I needed to explain the whole story. It's such an emotional roller coaster, and not many people understand the journey! Hope other people can share thier stories, and maybe give me some hope & strength to stay focused.

Kee Kee

[Hidden]

First of welcome to this site I hope you find it supportive and helpful..

Fertility is a very personal and private thing to discuss.. But everyone here is in the same boat.. And we can all support each other through the hard times.. Unless you've been through infertility it's impossible to imagine the true impact it has on your everyday life.. And most people try to understand but don't really get it..

Sorry to hear that you have been having difficulties conceiving but I'm glad you're now getting some help.. I also had hsg last year told it increased pregnancy chances but I didn't conceive after my hsg like yours I had clear tubes and I remember feeling such a failure when so many women conceived after hsg., at the time I had unexplained in June this year I was discharged from nhs fertility clinic with the options of trying or ivf..as I have a son from a previous relationship couldn't get nhs funding so that was that.. It was pretty tough.. So I looked into into egg sharing to 1)keep ivf costs down and 2)be able to help another woman become a mum too.. It was here I learned that our infertility was not unexplained at all.. I discovered there I had a premature aging left ovary.. Low amh(egg reserve test which gives an indication of how many eggs are left) and thankfully despite those factors was accepted onto the egg sharing program.. I couldn't believe my luck.. ! Luckily I had a good follicle count so the dr based his decision on that.. Also discovered there hubby's sperm was within normal ranges it's the lower end of normal and his sperm has a slightly raised abnormal count my clinic say up to 75% is ok his is 83%..so when we have ivf we might have to have Icsi like ivf expect the dr injects sperm into my eggs instead of sperm having to find the egg.. After that I did my screening blood tests and a few days later I received a prescription for thyroxine and it turns out I've also got an under active thyroid.. Since taking thyroxine I've felt so much better hormone wise and periods are better.. Took us 3 years and 1 month to find out what was causing our delay in conceiving.. Was such a relief to get an reason after so long being brushed off by doctors relax n it happen blah blah.. If I had a pound for every time I heard that I'd be very rich..! Anyway my point is I think most couples face hurdles in facing this and this is why it's so great to talk to others going through this too.. But despite any challenges we've faced I refuse to give up hope of having a baby.. I'm glad you've still got hope coz it's so easy to get negative so good on you keeping the faith What are we without hope? The day I don't have hope is the day I give up trying for a baby.. 3 years and 4 months later I still believe it will happen for us whether it's natural or ivf.. Waiting now to be matched up and be starting my ivf next year.. I can't wait

If you need someone talk I'm here otherwise I just want wish you the very best with your treatment and I hope it works for you..I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

Jess X

[KeeKee21 in reply to Hidden]

Firstly thank you for sharing your story. So many people face this, but I honestly thought it wouldn't be me! Everyone around me seems to have had, or is having babies, I am just thankful that I have a loving and supportive husband who I can open up to, although he doesn't really understand the physical journey. I wish you all the best for your future treatment. Please keep me updated. All the best for you both.

K

Xx

[Hidden in reply to KeeKee21]

No one ever imagines it could be em and that's where it gets you it's the shock that you are that 1 in 6 that.. I know I didn't ever think I'd be with a child already it was a huge shock.. Yep you name seems like everyone else is having a baby except us my sister had a baby last year..our friends are..2 told us they were unplanned I could screammmmmm! It's not their fault it's the sadness of this illness.. I don't know anyone else that's struggling that's why I joined this site.. and it has made a huge difference being able to talk to others who actually understand what I'm going through without the rubbish relax n it'll happen rubbish family and friends say! Meaning well of course..

I will def keep you posted and likewise do keep me updated..here if you need a talk/moan/rant or maybe all 3..! Don't worry our babies will be worth the wait special babies X

[KeeKee21 in reply to Hidden]

Just relax, is probably the worst thing someone can say! My in-laws say it all

The time and constantly say don't worry, we tried for 3 yrs, was given clomid and they fell on the first month! That was 30+years ago. I tend not to talk to them about anymore. The thing I struggle with most is feeling constantly drained, it is hard to

Cling onto hope! But then again I am pretty much at the start of this process so have a long way to go! I feel

Relieved to have joined the site, and to be able

To chat to people with similar problems. So where exactly are you with your treatment? I no you said they have eventually found out what's wrong, but what's the next step?xx

[Hidden in reply to KeeKee21]

Had to go private to find reason it's under active thyroid. Coz of that and other things ivf had to go on hold that was tough.. I'm hoping to start early next year(waiting to be matched up with a recepient-egg sharing) till then I'm still trying naturally with ovulation tests to help-how romantic!! I'm waiting to hear from my clinic when my husband had his screening blood tests my surgery didn't test hepatitis b antigen so I had to contact the lab and they re tested for it as they had his frozen blood left.. Luckily..! Then surgery faxed result over told by clinic we were being signed off.. That was 3 weeks ago and thought I would hear from clinic.. Tuesday I phoned my clinic to re order thyroxine my thyroid meds with Xmas post didn't wanna run out and it was lucky I did call coz my surgery did fax wrong blood test bad of my clinic not to notice tho.. Anyway I called my surgery Tuesday Eve and they promised to fax the correct result over..haha., so I left a msg to my clinic to confirm receipt of blood test.. My clinic phoned next morning and told me my surgery had not faxed over the result..I told my clinic I was very stressed out by this and they called my surgery to fax the result over..not trusting my surgery I emailed my nurse and enquired if the fax had been received.. Amazingly they can manage to do it for my clinic but not me ..! Nurse thanked apologized and thanked me for my patience.. I'm hoping they might push me through quicker and some good may come out of this..

Prepare yourself for a tough battle

but one you can and will win Don't give up..you're in the right place and you're getting the help you need.. It's better than trying and wondering why it's not happening it is progress it will be worth it when you fall pregnant

X

[KeeKee21 in reply to Hidden]

Blooming heck Jess, what a hoo ha!!! I'm lucky enough to have had Hep B jabs when I was training to become a nurse. I have a good relationship with my GP, so ring her after my bloods are taken, usually get the result the same day. Or the latest the next day, or just call the lab at our local hospital. I'm not surprised you are stressed out with all the phone calls you have had to make.

I know another nurse that I work with indirectly and she has had x5 IUI (some of which was private), and is now having IVF, our local Primary care trust only pay for one round, so we are prepared to go private after that, if we reach that point. My other friend went abroad, she was falsely diagnosed with ovarian failure at 16, and then over the years they did not know what was wrong with her, so she skipped all the NHS steps and went private to a clinic in Spain. Sadly she lost her 1st in May, found out at 12 week scan that the baby died at 8 weeks. Now she is pregnant again, about 10 weeks now, had some bleeding and she is being scanned weekly at her local hospital. so fingers crossed for her. We need to keep believing and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. xx

[Clarence80]

Hey! Sorry to hear your going through such a frustrating & upsetting process. I have had some of the same issues as you although I also have endometriosis. I'm currently on Clomid but am only having day 21 blood tests & no scans as our hospital doesnt offer them. How are you feeling on Clomid? I feel bloody awful! Nausea, dizziness, fatigue! I have 2 more months & then it's IVF. That's a scary thought but I'm actually happy that there are only 2 options left - successful IVF & a baby or unsuccessful & we adopt. I know not everyone wants to go down that route but I feel that my life has been on hold for over 2 years which has created so much stress & only makes the arrival of each period even more depressing! We both want to just have a family & start living normally.

In terms of your fertility journey it's really good that they have investigated a variety of possible issues which narrows things down & helps them give you the most relevant care.

I have been seeing a counsellor for 6 months & have been going to yoga & meditation classes. This has really helped me to relax which can only be a good thing! I used to get so upset when people announced their pregnancies (last 2 friends conceived naturally both with severe PCOS by the way!) but now I'm better with hearing their news. I'm still embarrassed & frustrated that my body isn't doing what I want it to but I am learning that I cannot fully control when or if I will get pregnant & I should therefore focus on my relationship with my husband & enjoying not having kids (nice holidays, romantic meals, lay ins at the weekend).

I hope I am not coming across in a sanctimonious way. I have been an absolute mess over my health & my infertility for over a year before I eventually saw a counsellor. I still have down days but they are less regular.

Please keep in touch & let us know how you are getting on. Take care, C Xx

[KeeKee21 in reply to Clarence80]

Thanks for your reply, it means a lot, as I thought nobody would respond to my thread! I did have some side effects. Mainly a rash on my neck and eyes, which started day 3. Doc said not likely related, but I no it is as I am no longer on any other drugs! Also had nausea, for a few days.

Fatigue is something I have always suffered from die to my heart, and learned to live with. Particularly more

So now I have stopped my heart tablets.

I think the plan for

Me now is to have 100mg from Jan, pending the blood test which I have booked on the 23rd dec.

I have days when I'm

Down, but then seem to pick myself up again and try and stay positive. If this does not work I think we will have IUI- downside is we will need to do a 3 hour

Round trip as our care will be transferred to a bigger hospital, and we live in rural

Devon!

Please keep me posted with your progress. You don't often hear about people's journeys from start to end with fertility problems.

Keep in touch, my fingers and toes are crossed for you both.

K

Xxxx

[CAP1 in reply to KeeKee21]

Hi Keelie

As the ladies have said we are all going through it one way or another it is such a battle! I myself have been diagnosed by my doctor with Premature Ovarian Failure (Early Menopause) was such a blow to me as I am only 32! I had a son when I was only 15 years old and decided to go on the depo contraceptive jag as it was so hard to bring a baby up on my own and at that young age I wanted the next time to be just right.... what a dream that was I have been of the jag now 5 years and not ovulating my son is 17 and myself and my partner have no other kids we are devastated! but what we try and do is remember we have a life out with this situation and we cannot greive for what we do not have and just try to stay strong for each other and focus on the now and what you do have, Try not to let this pull you down stay positive and stay strong xxx

[KeeKee21 in reply to CAP1]

Hi, thank you for your post. So sorry to hear about your battle! I really do appreciate what I have, I work with people who are very poorly or dying, so constantly self reflect. I think that's why it took me a while to join a forum, as so many people are going through hardship. So can you not have IVF or any other treatment?

It's easier to share experiences with people who know how your feeling or experienced a similar journey with their infertility.

Take care

Xxxx

[CAP1 in reply to KeeKee21]

Yes you are right there it is easier I only started on this last week and feel it has helped so much to know that their are other people out there, as I thought at one point no one could understand what I was going through,

I have yet to be seen by the fertility clinic hopefully for IVF my first app is on Jan so feeling hopeful it has took 11 months to get to this stage tho so I am not getting to excited.. x

[KeeKee21 in reply to CAP1]

Its the waiting game that's the hardest I think, and not knowing, unless you are lucky enough to

Find it all privately? Have you applied for

Funding? If so, how

Many IVF cycles have they agreed?xx

[CAP1 in reply to KeeKee21]

I havent even got that far, basiclay I was ttc for 4 years after coming of the depo contriceptive jag had been on it for 13 years! without a bleed, So I thought my body was just taking time to get back to normal and thought give it time! went to the docs and after tests I was diagnosed with POF she then refered me to fertility clinic as not able to ovulate and after 11 months we now have an app in that time I have been to see the Gynaecologist who put me on Elleste Duet hormone tablets which I must admit have helped I have had all bloods taken partner has done all his seimens test so we are hoping we get some sort of funding, So I wont know any more until after we have been to the app on the 6th Jan,

As you say its the not knowing and all the waiting that grinds you down... some days is easier than others but I guess I have so much more of that to go as I am just at the very start of the journey compared to others xx

[KeeKee21 in reply to CAP1]

Definitely the longest journey I have had health wise so far. I wish you all the best for your appointment. How did they diagnose you with ovarian failure? What tests did they do? I agree with the waiting after contraception, I had the pill, implant (which had to be removed after I became anaemic from constant bleeding). Then had the mirena coil, which stopped my periods and caused cysts and unbearable pain, so was then removed and we started trying after that. My periods have become more erratic recently- every 27-34 days. I monitor via an app on the iPhone which is really good, as each time I have an appointment they want all the details. Just think new year, fresh start more answers for all of us.

Did you ever have clomid or Metformin?

xx

[CAP1 in reply to KeeKee21]

Yes Defo a long Gruelling process, I was diagnosed via blood tests and Symptoms I had a very low count and I also never had a period in 5 years! I had hot flushes and my moods where Erratic , as I say the tablets have helped Immensely I now take a regular bleed moods have calmed down I am just not ovulating.

I asked the doc for clomid and she wouldnt give it to me she said that was something for the fertility clinic to decide So I have tried nothing yet except praying for a miracle, what about you hun have you tried any of these ? I also have seen that there is an injection you can get also to help produce eggs xx

[KeeKee21 in reply to CAP1]

Before my GP referred me to the infertility clinic, she kind of told me the process of what happens with the process. I think each geographical area has different guidelines. Following my HSG, they asked us to try naturally for 3 months, but all my bloods stated I was not ovulating, she said following the HSG, which checks the shape of your uterus, and confirms whether you have any blockages in your tubes. The iodine solution they use, is supposed to help with natural conception (10% increased chance of natural pregnancy following HSG), but it didn't work for us. She gave me a prescription for clomid 3 months ago but told us to wait until Jan. I got fed up, and was also concerned about hot flushes I was having, so rang my new consultant and he said start next period which was this month. You never know they may try clomid 1st. I must admit from my 1st app with the clinic it seemed to take ages, but considering that was 6 months ago they have completed a lot of tests in that time. Sometimes following taking clomid they put you on the injections before going in for IUI, or they give you any injection after clomid to boost you releasing an egg (If the clomid works). Fingers crossed you might not have to jump straight to IVF, and even if you do, your in the system now, so the ball has started following to the path of pregnancy

[KeeKee21 in reply to KeeKee21]

xx

[CAP1 in reply to KeeKee21]

Thank You so much for that Keelie hun that has calmed me down a bit I was terrified after hearing peoples responses after the first initial consultations as you say its all up to the docs and what they say goes I suppose, Its the NHS If only we could go private!

I am panaking I may not even get accepted as I have a son who is now 17 I had him at 15 he now stays with my parents tho so fingers toes eyes arms and legs crossed!

So I take it you have started your clomid then fingers crossed for you then hun that it works xx Sending loads of baby dust your way xx

[KeeKee21 in reply to CAP1]

They will still accept you, they won't discriminate, it's just classed as secondary infertility. I've been pregnant before when I was younger, but miscarried. They will probably start you off on meds, but rule out any other underlying issues.

The 1st trial of clomid didn't work for me. I was scanned yesterday, and had no follicles in my ovary. So they are going to do a blood test on the 23rd to definitely confirm, then probably up my dose to 100mg starting on my next period in Jan.

It sounds as though you have already started the process by them putting you on meds to make you bleed. Then your good to go for clomid, as long as your tubes are clear. They may well do a HSG. They might want to re-do your bloods at the fertility clinic to confirm for definite if you have ovarian failure. I don't want to get your hopes up too much, as i'm defo not an expert. But just wait and see what they say on the 6th. keep me posted. I will be starting my next round of clomid during that time too. xxx

[CAP1 in reply to KeeKee21]

Yes well I think going to see the Gynaecologist as it was him who decided to pop me on the Ellest the doc told me there was nothing the Gynaecologist could do I demanded to be referred as I knew in my mind I was not taking a period and he was the man to see I think you have to be pushy as I know they are reluctant sometimes so I am glad I did. I am expecting more tests and to be honest it will be good to have a diagnosis for sure! I will defo keep you posted and likewise you too xx

[KeeKee21 in reply to CAP1]

Yes definitely will. speak soon.xx