9DP5DT BFN, I AM SO DEVASTATED 😭

[Morolake]

Hi everyone.

I’m very devastated this morning and don’t know where to turn for support.

We went DE route as was diagnosed of POF after 3 miscarriages. We’ve been in this struggle for 5 years.

Had a transfer of a 5AA embryo on a lining of 6mm on the 26th of April and OTD is tomorrow at the clinic but caved in this morning and tested with a Clearblue advance monitor and it was a BFN. OH does not live with me and I don’t even know to break the news to him. His family are at loggerheads with me just because I’ve not been able to have a child for him. They believe I’m too old now (41).

I believe I tried all triables ( if there’s any word like that) during this process.

We are still in debt cos we had to borrow from his friend to pay for treatment as he lost his job and just in the process of getting another. I’m not able to work at the moment.

I don’t even know where to go from here. Even if I want to do another transfer( we have 2 frozen embryos)where do I find the money?

What do I do? I just feel like ending it

[Hidden]

Hi

So sorry you are going through this and have had a BFN. Sadly most of us in here can relate to that pain it cuts deep but the sad reality of it is it can break the strongest relationships and change you as a person you forget who you were before the start and struggle to find you after no matter the outcome. This is the sad reality no one tells you about.

Your lining seems a little on the low side most clinics I have been too would ideally like 8 or above 6 seems very low... perhaps a discussion you should have with the clinic. Another sad reality is that nothing is guaranteed we have been on the road since 2014 with now 7 transfers under our belt probably £30k spent in hopeful positives with only 1 BFP using DE ( sadly lost him at17.5 weeks ) after 3 failed rounds of using OE, prior to that 3 miscarriages ( when told from the young age of 18 I could never get pregnant) 2 x early mc @ 6w followed by a major eptopic resulting in loss of tube lost at 9 weeks.

Hopefully you will find some financial assistance in trying again but give yourself time to refocus and breathe let you body get back to feeling normal communicate with OH tell his family that you are not too old ( I am 44 ) and that if they put less pressure on you then that would help, there is 2 in a relationships not 2 plus family tell them to BUTT out. Have the conversation with your clinic and see if they would change anything moving forward.

In addition there has been some ladies in here that have had a negative change to a positive so you just never know test in test day x

Look after yourself x

[Morolake in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words Tamtam1. I don’t know what else my clinic can do about my lining as I was on high doses of meds and even additional like viagra.

Unfortunately Africans where I originated from are overly family oriented and butting them out is a lot of struggle. I’ve blocked them off on my part but he’s still in close communication with them even though he no longer tell them stuff about us (he can’t let them know when he’s with me or else they’ll be on his case). It’s just a lot. I just can’t stop the tears 😭

[Hidden]

Hi, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Your other half will support you through this difficult time.

Are you sure your lining was 6mm?

In regards to money.... it is so hard! I don’t have any advice for that struggle - sorry 💔

Sending you a huge hug! Speak to your other half and don’t let his family make you feel bad xxxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi Morolake

I have been where you are now. Firstly, the results can change in a day. It may be a little early and tomorrow you could have a different result.

I too have pov. Tried 3x with my own eggs, to no success, and then onto the donor journey. Our first transfer on de was a bfn. That broke me more than anything as I just expected it to work first time. I too was 41 at that point. I took time to de-stress did mindfulness, counselling (you should be offered that through your clinic for free), and I also took some time off from work. We did a 2nd transfer a couple of months later and got our very first ever bfp. Sadly that ended in an anembryonic pregnancy which we had to medically manage. Our 3rd transfer was just before I turned 42. It was also a bfp- yay. We are now 31 weeks.

Lining. I agree with above that 6mm lining seems very low. I understood that they want between 8 and 12 for a good lining.

Support. Your oh family seem to be very selfish in how they are treating you. Have you spoken with them about how you feel? What you have been going through? And that their actions are not helping? They really need to get over themselves and be there for you.

Money. It's weird but somehow we manage to find ways to pay. For another transfer it will be a lot cheaper as you already have the eggs there on ice. Your clinic should offer some kind of finance or the world may work some magic. But somehow we manage to find a way.

Strength. You may not feel it now, but we are all warriors deep down. We have this strangely unending power which seems to manifest itself when we are at our lowest and feel like we can't carry on. Somehow this strength comes along and gives us the boost that we need.

Be good to yourself, don't blame yourself, think about what it is that you really want and then make a plan. You can so do this and we are all here with you every step of the way.

Big hugs lovely and wishing you all the best for tomorrow. Xxx

[Music1]

So sorry to hear of your BFN. I went through 3 rounds of ivf using my own eggs and last one resulted in miscarriage. All we heard was DE are the 'way to go'. We changed clinic ... ended up with 3 eggs. When we had 1 transfered we were totally and completely convinced it was going to work. Both clinics had been blaming my age and egg quality for years and saying DE were almost definite. Needless to say I had BFN as well and we were blown away and destroyed. I insisted they test for Thyroid Function and antibodies, which was the answer for me. Took me nearly 2 years for my thyroid to settle on meds, went completely gluten free to try and knock out antibodies. When my TSH was below 1 we asked the clinic for another go - putting 2 FET back. I was on steroid tablets (20mg Predisolone?) and daily blood thinning injections. I honestly believe these and the lower thyroid thing sorted helped. We got a BFP with 2, but lost one at Christmas. Still have 1 lil one hanging in there at 26+ weeks. Regarding age. I told myself i would do anything (regarding surgery, ivf, meds whatever) to get pregnant by the time I was 40. I'd never even had the need for a blood test or even got a cold before starting ivf. I'm now 44 so it's been a long journey as we started when I was 36/37. I think my oh parents had given up on ever having a grandchild and thought I was selfish as I worked so hard and was dedicated to my job... having nothing else. Wishing you all the best. I would suggest getting your blood work tested for TSH (thyroid) even to rule it out, and then blood thinning injections, or daily 75mg of aspirin and poss steroid tablets if antibodies. I did continue with all these till the end of wk 12. This is only my experience, and what finally worked for me, but I was your age and had 2 Frozen DE left and was almost having counselling for never being a mother and loss etc. Hugs and best wishes xxx

[Morolake in reply to Music1]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It’s similar to mine. Will sure mention these two at my appointment if the OTD results comes out BFN. Wishing safe delivery xx