So As I’ve mentioned I’m a primary school teacher, an auntie to a 1yr old nephew, I’m also God Mother, and currently waiting for my cousins baby girl to be born in May.
Now my cousin and I have always been close so he’s like a brother to me and has already said I’m going to be “Auntie”.
As lovely as this is, its shit timing!! He announced it a week before my husbands sperm results arrived so we were anticipating them! They were bad!
6 months on- everyone is secretly, around me anyway, getting excited about the arrival. I’ve not spoken to him since he told me. That’s eaten me up as I’ve missed him and I do want to be an auntie. I reached out to him and I can’t fault how he was with me. So understanding and caring. He’s 6 years younger than me too so for him to be so understanding meant so much. If anything it made me feel more”guilt”.
My nan told me that he’s mentioned asking me to be god mother. She told him to not ask me while I’m feeling so low. I was a little mad that she has told him not to ask yet as that might have been what I needed and he may not ask now. Plus she’s spoiled the surprise for me.
Does anyone else have families that struggle to know how to be around you?
Struggle to what say?
When I told her that I had reached out to him she said it made her day. She then revealed her REAL excitement as she started reeling off all sorts. I was so jealous that she’s been out and brought their pram. She has always said that’s something we would do one day. Then she says my cousins girlfriend texts her about baby things- I text my nan about my struggles. So then I’m jealous that I’ve not had these conversations with her, that I haven’t been pram shopping, so then I’m back to square one again!!!
I’m starting to wonder if I was put on this earth to look over everyone else’s children!
I woke up last night with chest pains, abdominal pains today I’ve been dizzy and have lower back pain! My husband wanted take me to A&E but I managed to sleep through the pain!
I thought it was a virus but is our struggles affecting not only my mental health but my physical health?
Feeling so low today!
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PurpleLove19
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I can understand how you might be feeling. Honestly, speaking keep yourself away from negativity. I know it is easy said than done. However, this environut is not good for your mental peace. Make sure to keep yourself busy as well. This is something that really matters. Good luck to you. Sending baby dust your way.
Anxiety and stress can absolutely have physical symptoms. I remember once going to the GP as I had a crushing sensation on my chest like someone was sitting on it which they told me was likely from anxiety - when I asked what it could be they said “well, it’s nearly Christmas”!! My sister is grieving and anxious at the moment and has numbness and tingling in her legs and hands. It’s crazy the physical symptoms you can get from your psychological state.
Going through fertility struggles like this is 100% a trauma and we need to look after ourselves. I know it sounds like a cliche but try to practice some compassion for yourself - don’t give yourself a hard time as all the emotions you are feeling are absolutely normal. Of course you feel sad and upset that others are experiencing something you want more than anything in this world. It’s ok not to be ok with that. I definitely don’t think it’s your destiny not to be a mother - for some reason we were just handed this more challenging journey to achieving our dreams.
If you need to be sad, let yourself be sad, but please don’t lose faith. You sound like an amazing person with lots of people in your life who love you dearly, and I’m sure you will make a wonderful mummy one day xxx
Don’t ever feel guilty. You have to do what is best for your health - both mental and physical.
You are incredibly brave. Luckily, I am not around children but I have even taken Facebook off my phone, blocked friends who have just given birth. It sounds cruel, but I have to be selfish and look after my mental health.
What we are all going through is incredibly traumatic. It’s life changing.
Make sure you put yourself first. Be very selective about who you choose to spend time with. You come first.
I did delete them off my social media. Family or not I just had to.
I’ve logged out of my social media for a bit. I do it now and again when things get too much.
I think you also see who is really there for you too when you come off. You see who actually wants to find out how you are as they will ask you directly and not see a photo on insta and presume you’re fine!
People who haven’t been through this just don’t understand. As for so many women on here, this has been one of the most traumatic experiences of my life (and I have had a few!). When I compare the sense of despair and grief to grieving over a loved one they are surprised. So much more awareness is needed.
Just remember that you aren’t alone and that with determination, we will create our own family - in whatever form that takes x
Hello, I am new to a forum. I've always read numerous comments but never had the courage to post. In fact I was going to unsubscribe from these email alerts too until I saw your post. I related to the title of your post completely. I am a primary school teacher too and an auntie to the most wonderful niece and nephew. My extended family is nice and big so my cousins haven't had any trouble conceiving. I am a 30 year old woman who has been trying for nearly 3 years and very recently my husband and I have gone through our first cycle of IVF which failed (I have a very low ovarian reserve). Naturally I'm devastated and the grief comes and goes and I've had this thought so many times myself . Am I going to spend my life just watching other people's children grow up? Will I be able to give my parents of the joy of being grandparents as well? Will I see my children play with my sisters? It's like so many other people have said, that those with children don't know what it's like (even more rare/lonely in south Asian circles, infertility struggles are barely discussed) and you'll get the standard well meant consolations (it will happen, don't worry etc) but honestly most times they don't mean much. I'm glad that we are able to share our struggles, frustrations , hopes and journeys here. Best of luck to every single person here and I wish you the absolute best and hope you give birth to beautiful, healthy,bouncing babies soon. Xx
I’m sorry your first cycle didn’t work. Im so scared of how it will affect me and the husband if it fails. And with the lovely summer months and everyone is in their gardens with their kiddies or at the parks. I dread it I really do.
People won’t understand if anything some parents take everything they have for granted and I hate seeing/ hearing pregnant women moans even more!
I’m glad you could relate to this post. A lot of women on here are hero’s and everyone is at a different stage. Nobody’s journey is the same, no couples infertility is the same.
I am on the lead up to our first round so voicing my feelings helps.
hi hun I understand exactly what you u feeling. am 40 and had 3 failed ivf but am still trusting In God that just like Hannah (in the bible) he will do it for us. it's not easy. and the crazy thing is all of us will be great mum's
keep on keeping on. feel free to continue venting on here we all have each other's back.
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