I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant from our 3rd round of ivf. My husband has told his mother that we are pregnant and she’s very pleased. We both have a very difficult relationship with her. She’s referred to me as the other woman and suggested to my husband he could walk out on me on our wedding day (just to make a few issues) as such, we have minimal contact with.
I thought we had agreed not to tell her it was ivf in case she used it against me in the future. My husband just announces it to her over the phone while I’m sat next to him, I could have cried. When he got off the phone I calmly said to him I though we weren’t telling her about the ivf, he claims he doesn’t remember that as the conversation. I could kill him. I think he’s thinking that now I’m pregnant she will start to be nice to me and all is forgiven but I don’t feel like that.shes the sort of person who would say something nasty to me about ivf but not in ear shot of my husband and then say I’m over reacting
What should I do ? Would you be pissed off with him ? Thanks for reading xx
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penny24
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I am a bit ahead of you 16 weeks pregnant - we had failed IVF and this was a natural pregnancy afterwards.
We didn't tell anyone about our IVF and esp my mother in law! She is like the spanish inquisition - I get so much interrogation when I go to stay with them that my partner told her to stop asking me questions! She now asks the other daughter in law behind my back what I am up to! Cheeky!
We decided not to tell anyone what we had been through as we wanted the story to be about our pregnancy only and not failed IVF!
I am not sure what you can do now that she has been told - will she openly say it to others?
Sorry I am not much help - but understanding your pain....
Thats not on, i don’t feel that he should of told and i would be extremely upset with my oh if he did and he would know about it. But sometimes in life you have to stay calm, ivf is extremely personal and its upto you who you tell and who you don’t tell.
I would stay calm with him but illiterate that it has upset you and explain why you feel like that next time he will be understanding. And regarding the mother in law give it one last time (sorry I believe in last tries) and if she does say anything tell her how you feel about it and about her, confront her and ask her why she feels so harsh towards you.
If she is not willing to change then she seriously needs to understand she is missing out on a lot on a grandchild etc dont you feel bad about it and keep a distant relation with her and your oh will understand.
I hope she changes her behaviour but not everyone does but the important thing to remember is focus on your self and your child dont worry about everything else you have already gone through enough xxx
Hey, Im sorry that you have such a witch for a MIL! She sounds absolutely awful so I can imagine how annoyed you are that hubby went ahead and told her what you'd asked him not to. However its done now and unfortunately he cant take it back no matter how mad you are at him. I had a little bit of a hissy fit at my hubby as I'd said we wouldnt tell anyone about our recent transfer prior to having it done, big discussion and my hubby went and told one of my friends in conversation. Not that she would do or say anything bad but Im beginning to feel like our journey is on complete show and its all I seem to talk about with friends....anyhoo I had a melt down, tears the lot....massive hissyfit! Made me feel better! Ha ha ha Sorry dont have much advice here but I do understand the frustration with hubby to a certain level!xx
Hi penny, I'm not sure if I can give any advice as not been in this situation - we told my parents (as they paid for our 2nd round) but didn't tell my MIL. She is lovely but I don't think she would have understood - like many of the older generation I think she would have thought that ivf = guaranteed pregnancy. I'm just wondering as its out now, and your husband has already said it, would it just be better to think up some responses to things she might say. Perhaps make her know that ivf is a real dedication to wanting & having a child and also make it clear how much you have gone through to get to this stage. Sounds like you have minimal contact anyway, so I think you should just focus on a healthy & happy pregnancy and not bother with the naysayers. If she really wants to be a part of her grandchilds life, then you'll be the first point of contact and she will have to deal with that! Hope it works out ok xx
Oh god she sounds dreadful, what a cow!!! I would definitely be hacked off, but ultimately you’re on your own journey now and she can sod off, don’t waste your energy on her, she clearly has some massive jealousy issues when it comes to her son, very odd woman! Best of luck with your pregnancy lovely cxxx
OMG poor thing to have such in law..I'm sorry for this kind of relationship between you.. But as above poster says, don't waste your energy on her. You have much more serious things to do now. Think of your tiny one growing inside. As for your dh, he definitely didn't do right. This was your decision and he had to stick to it. But what's done is done. No need to kill him I really don't think your mother in law would ever change and forget. Even though you concieved naturally not through ivf. I guess she's that kind of a person who's NEVER satisfied. Trouble concieving is not the thing we choose. She got lovely you as a daughter in law, his son's choice. Want or not, it happens mothers in law think no one is able to love their sons but they only. They are mistaken. But they don't change. Try to think less of her; your LO, dh and you--matters only. All my positive thoughts going your way xx
I'd be pretty angry with your husband too Hun but would just let it go... I argued with my husband a lot over his family asking too many questions when we had IVF cos I felt as if he was telling them far too much about a process that was personal. All it did was make me miserable because what was done was done & me getting on at him couldn't change that. If your mother in law ever says anything regarding IVF to you just be strong & tell her how bloody proud of yourself you are for having IVF. You could've just given up but didn't... Don't let anyone put you down over it! My husband has a friend with a wife I can't stand who laughed when I said I was having IVF at 41. She didn't look so smug when I got my BFP! I'm bloody proud of myself! All that matters is our precious babies Hun 😘 x
Hey, there. I'm so sorry! He put you in a pickle. Don't worry, though. If I were you, I'd own up to it. I know, I can understand the relationship that you have, but be clear. Tell her, that it's something that's really common, nowadays. Good luck, honey. It's 2018, she needs to open up!
I would focus on the preganancy if i were you .You dont need the unnecessary stress.giving birth to a healthy baby should be your main concern.forget about mom in law for now and deal with her nastiness once baby is here.congratulations by the way .all the best with your pregnancy .
Oh hunny I can understand why you would be angry at your OH but genuinely they just don’t bloody think sometimes and do you think it’s just a little bit of him trying to tell her what you’ve been through, how brave you’ve been and that he’s probably very proud of you and as she’s such a witch it’s the only way he knows how to articulate that too her. I may be way off course, but he loves you and probably deep down wants his mum to know what you’ve been through and how strong you are! That or back to my first point, they just don’t think!! X x
Oh, honey! This is a tough one. What has DH done here? Haha, it will be fine. Just relax, and don't let her get to you. She's the one who needs to get on with life! And, you know, realize that science has changed the game! Good luck to you!
There’s not really anything you can do, he’s told her now. I’d want to kill him too, but I guess it won’t help anything to be angry. 😞 I don’t know what I would do in your position but I think you’re right to be annoyed.
Yes, I’d be pissed off as well. I got really annoyed with my husband for sharing with his sister that we were thinking of using DE. We had previously discussed that we would only tell people initially on a need to know basis as we felt it was important to protect our future child’s right to privacy. We had a pretty major row but in the end I realised that he needed someone else to confide in and talk things through. It still bothers me though that I’m relying on her to be confidential about it. I do hope that your mother in law won’t use this against you in some way as you say. Try to concentrate on you and your husband and enjoying your pregnancy. Best wishes to you both xx
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I really don't think your mother in law would ever change and forget. Even though you concieved naturally not through ivf. I guess she's that kind of a person who's NEVER satisfied. Trouble concieving is not the thing we choose. She got lovely you as a daughter in law, his son's choice. Want or not, it happens mothers in law think no one is able to love their sons but they only. They are mistaken. But they don't change. Try to think less of her; your LO, dh and you--matters only. All my positive thoughts going your way xx
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