Heartbroken 😔

[CBOO1]

So we’ve had our first round of ICSI & yesterday got a BFN. I know we would of been extremely lucky to be successful on our first round but everything was ‘perfect’ - thats what they kept telling us.

We had 2 perfect embryos, my lining was perfect, they were happy with my hormone levels, I’m 32 so they said that’s a bonus & all was going so well & then gone. I am devastated beyond belief - I know they were embryos not babies but they were our embryos & we’ve never had embryos before & they were going to be our babies! What went wrong, where did they go, what happened to them?!!!! All these questions racing round my head, what did I do wrong??

I know you all know how I’m feeling & I just needed to get this out. One minute I’m just in a numb zombie world the next I’m sobbing. 😥

[silverlini]

I’m so sorry 😔 it’s so so so hard! You did nothing wrong but I know it’s hard to not go through everything you did and wonder ‘what if’. I do that to myself but ultimately you have to remember you wanted this badly and would never do anything to jeopardise your chances.

Take some time out to grieve and it may not feel like it now but you will start to feel a bit better as each day passes.Xxx

[Kaylon]

I'm so sorry CBOO1. It's just the worst feeling in the world. After our first failed cycle we were just the same. We were devastated and grieved our perfect little embabies. It took quite a while to get over the heartbreak and I haven't been quite as hopeful with our last 2 transfers. But please know it's nothing you've done. It's not your fault. It's just one of those things. Even the clinic won't be able to tell you for sure why it didn't work. Be kind to yourselves now and take the time to grieve. Sending you lots of love and a massive hug xxx

[leanneski]

So sorry for your loss, hope you’re looking after yourself 💜xx

[Tugsgirl]

My first ever go was “perfect” too. They used words like textbook, top grade, hatching, perfect lining etc etc. I honestly thought it was a full gone conclusion. That first bfn was the hardest especially when no answers could be found as to why it failed.

Take some time to gather your thoughts and then regroup and come back fighting xx

[Niki_B]

Oh hun I'm so very sorry 😥 this journeyncan be so cruel and unfair. I remember my first BFN and it was so hard. I just thought it was going to work and I just didn't understand why? But it's nothing you did so please dont blame yourself. My consultant has always said it's basically just a roll of the dice . I'm so sorry I know that hurt and pain and I'm thinking of you and sending you a massive hug. Please look after yourself during this awful time xxx

[Olaz]

I'm so so sorry. I've been here a few times and even now, months after my last cycle, I still have extremely depressing moments. Take some time out, cry as much as you want to if that will help. Hope you feel better soon. Sending you loads of hugs xx

[CBOO1]

Thank you all for your messages. We just never thought it wouldn’t work - maybe we wouldn’t have twins but not a complete no no. We went from having 2 babies to nothing in one fell swoop & I think we’re still abit in shock! My boyfriend is hoping that because I haven’t got my period yet that it might mean the test was wrong but I have tried to explain that once the drugs have worn off abit that it will come soon enough.

I honestly don’t know how some of you have managed to get through this multiple times, I am in awe of all of you for being so strong. A natural BFN is bad enough but an IVF BFN is in a whole different league. I hope we will manage a second try, we have a year but got to find the money from somewhere for all the medication etc which is going to take a lottery win but here’s hoping 🤞

Lots of love & thanks to all of you for being so supportive xxx

[Hidden in reply to CBOO1]

Heyy there, we were in a pretty much similar situation. Everything was looking good for us, I’m 29 and we had male related issues so we were referred for icsi. We had a great embryo, good levels. There was literally no reason why it shouldn’t have worked.

It didn’t. And we were heartbroken. We weren’t given a reason as to why it didn’t work, Just that sometimes it’s pot luck!

I was in a state for a while but I’ve since picked myself up. We waited the reccomended 3 cycles and now we’re going for an FET. I have my transfer next week. Feel as though this time I’m more anxious because I’m not as naive in thinking it’s a guarantee. If you ever want to connect/talk. Let me know.

Sending hugs x

[Nobabyyet]

Hi so sorry you are going through this. Currently in my first round of IVF with transfer 2moro (if the 2 embies i had make it til 2moro). I know they have told us we only have a 30%chance but having spent so much money etc. I just think i have convinced myself its bound to work. I dread the very real possibility of a bfn and really dont know how i'll cope. My heart goes out to you. Be good to yourself.xx

[Debrakay1704]

There are no words but just know you have people there for you and thinking of you. xxx