Should be

[Kitcat12]

Can't stop thinking about what should be. Should be 18 weeks now. Should be feeling kicks. Should have a beautiful bump. Should be buying nursery supplies and thinking of baby names. Should be looking forward to finding out if we're having a girl or boy. But we're not. Because we lost our baby. Sorry. This is an utterly self pitying and pointless post but I'm feeling sad. So I'm going to be sad.

[Banbha83]

I am so sorry for your loss.....can’t even imagine what you are going through xxx

[MissSaoPaulo]

Not pointless if getting it all out makes you feel a bit better. I hope it has. Sending big hugs xxx

[Flossy13]

Firstly, your post is not pointless. You are grieving! Some people get up, hold their head high and put on a brave face after a miscarriage. But we don’t know how they’re truly feeling inside. They are no doubt struggling and crumbling. But they put on a brave face and hide from it all. I’m truly sorry for your loss. Regardless if you have a miscarriage at 6 weeks, 16 weeks or 6 months. You will still grieve.

And you be sad! Has anyone ever told you it’s ok to not be ok? Because it is ok to not be ok. No one lives a perfect life.

Those should be’s will probably fade away in time. Maybe when you are pregnant or maybe when you have your baby in your arms. But for now, those should be’s is all you have left.

Have you ever considered writing a diary? You could have a ‘should be’ diary and write down what should be just like your post. It probably won’t make you feel better but at least then you will have something from your short pregnancy. Or a scrapbook... could have ‘should be’ and then leave a gap because if you do have another pregnancy you can add to the same page of the opposite. Have photos of what you did, like... We did find out the gender... We did discuss names... We did buy the first item of clothing.

Hope you’re ok!

[Hidden]

I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. And don’t feel bad for needing to let it out.

I had a early loss in 2017 & I kept remembering where we would’ve been if things had worked out differently. My grief was inconsolable until I passed what should’ve been my due date; it got better after that. Don’t get me wrong I still remember the one we lost & always will.

Some people find it nice to do something in baby’s honour such as plant a shrub etc. ❤️

Grief is such an individual thing there is no wrong or right here. It’s good that you are comfortable to open up here - I silently grieved & bottled it up. Which made me feel so alone.

I won’t patronise you & say you will forget all this & move on. Coz you won’t. But I do wish you luck & hope you do get the baby you so long for. 👶🏻🌈💗✨xoxo

[CatDV]

Oh Kitcat 😕

I could have written this post myself.

I too would be 18 weeks tomorrow. I cry when I remember what could be happening right now.

Instead I am preparing my next FET.

Hope that your (our) sadness gets more bearable with time.

I just want to send you some love and let you know that you are not alone with your thoughts. Probably every lady that has a loss goes through the same.

Thinking of you ❤️❤️❤️

[Kitcat12]

Thanks for all your replies ladies. It does help me to open up here, if I don't talk about it the sadness gets too much. I suppose I just thought I would feel less sad as time went on, it's been 3 months and I'm still struggling. Maybe I'll feel better when we get a date for FET, might feel more productive.

[CJem18]

You are entitled to have that time to grieve. I hope you can talk to your partner about this xxx

[Foodie23]

Oh kitcat. I feel none of my words could possibly ease this pain you’re going through. Please just know it’s completely normal for you to be feeling this way and you aren’t alone. I’m really glad you reached out to us for support. Please don’t ever hesitate to do so. It’s not self pitying, it’s real and it’s raw.

Have you spoken to a counselor? I know I found it very helpful while I was coping with my infertility. There are people who specialize in helping people through infertility and miscarriage. I also recommend support groups if there is one in your area.

My thoughts are with you. Big hugs. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but this extreme pain will dull over time. You will get through this. Lean on the people you trust. Xx

[SConnor]

It should be, and it is so painful that it isn’t, I am so sorry. We too had a MC last year from a natural pregnancy and I still feel very sad when I think about it. But I also want to give you hope, today I am 6 months pregnant with a baby girl after surgery and ivf... not an easy year. Look for support family, friends, counseling. You are not alone and I really wish and hope it will happen for you too. Don’t give up 💙

[Shelleybean]

So sorry for your loss. Today should have been my due date for our IVF pregnancy (1st cycle, mmc diagnosed at 8wks) so feeling very sad too and that’s ok. I think it’s important to feel the pain and not just block it out. Sometimes life seems so unfair, but believe that better times are ahead. Sending you lots of love 💕

[2-shades-of-hope]

So sorry Kitcat. Sending you lots of love. I should be 29 weeks today and it hurts. Xx

[Suzannah1985]

I understand where you are coming from completely...

We miscarried last year and my due date would have been last week. All of my sister in laws were or are pregnant and so I have found it really tough as watching their pregnancies develop and the babies arrive has only highlighted what we lost.

But, it has got easier...I have got my determination back and I now also have a new niece and nephew to adore and very soon there will be another addition too.

Keep strong and cry when you need to. Xx

[Hidden]

I feel the same I’ve pasted 2 mc babies due dates and I should be 21 weeks pregnant but I’m not, I just feel empty in limbo we’re still trying I really think I’ve only got one more go it’s too hard if I mc again have to decide wether just move on with our lives it’s been nearly 2 years. Hopefully we both get a baby soon xx

[Kitcat12]

I'm so grateful for all your support. It really does help. Your kind words mean so much x

[Sambab]

Hi kitkat12.

I'm exactly the same. Technically I should be going on maternity leave now and looking forward to a new addition in April. However I had a chemical miscarriage on 8th August 2018 after my first ivf attempt. Trust me when I say things get easier as time goes by but some days I struggle and get emotional when I see a baby or hear of another pregnancy. Sending love to you.

[AJJ123]

I know how you feel, I feel the same at times. I’d have been due 15 June. It totally sucks but hopefully it’ll work out next time xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Sometimes you do just have to be sad.

Have you considered/had counselling? I had psychotherapy after my first miscarriage and found it helpful.